diamond geezer

 Saturday, April 13, 2013

The Beatification of Saint Margaret

At the request of His Eminence the Prime Minister, and on behalf the entire British nation, arrangements are underway to confirm the sainthood of Margaret Hilda Thatcher, the Blessed Leaderene. Taking into consideration the exceptional circumstances of her magnificence, dispensation has been given to reduce the usual fifty-year waiting period following the death of a Public Servant so that the cause of Beatification and Canonisation can begin immediately, heretofore wherewithal notwithstanding.

A memorial service will take place on Wednesday next at the Cathedral of St Paul, to be attended by the great and good of our generation, at which the Heroic Values and Miracles of Dame Margaret will be jointly celebrated. Her body will be borne through the streets of London on a gun carriage, with attendants from the Armed Services in attendance. Ceremonial dress should be worn. The scheduled episode of Homes Under The Hammer will be rebroadcast at a later date.

In preparation for this Event of National Importance, an atmosphere of respect and deference will be engendered across the populace through supportive messages in the national media. It being inappropriate to speak ill of the dead, especially on this occasion, the Establishment deems it necessary that no ill shall be spoken. A campaign of hate and vilification will be initiated against those expressing contrary opinions in the public arena, especially those found guilty of purchasing a 51-second clip from a 1939 Hollywood musical. Thoughtcrime will not be tolerated.

At this time of national mourning, it is only right that our thoughts turn to the issue of Permanent Remembrance. A number of Projects of Permanent Remembrance have been proposed, and these will be taken forward over the forthcoming weeks and months under the tutelage of the True Blue Memorial Committee. The following proposals are amongst the many Projects of Permanent Remembrance under mandatory consideration.

Statue of The Iron Lady: Much debate has already taken place regarding the most appropriate location for a statue of Baroness Thatcher. Many have proposed using the fourth plinth in Trafalgar Square, where all of our nation's most important military leaders are commemorated, and which would place Our Lady at the site of her most glorious Poll Tax triumph. Some have proposed a site in Parliament Square, overlooking the House of Commons, while others have suggested erecting a 300 foot statue at Canary Wharf amongst her dearest financial partners. It being impossible to decide between these excellent schemes, all three will go ahead.

Margaret Thatcher International Airport: When London's much-needed fourth airport is finally opened on a mudbank in the Thames, it is only right and proper that it should be named after Britain's first woman Prime Minister. Heathrow's days are surely numbered the day this competing airport opens up with rebranded runways. Flights to and from Ronald Reagan National Airport will be offered at half price, in gracious tribute.

Corby Steelworks Theme Park: To fully understand Margaret's deep-seated legacy and how she changed our country for the better, a permanent exhibition will be opened on the site of Britain's former manufacturing base. Exhibits in the main hall will include a full-size recreation of a sold-off council house, a collection of Margaret's favourite hats and an actual genuine disused furnace. Budding young entrepreneurs will be able to rack up state assets in the interactive game "If you see Sid, tell him", whilst even the smallest visitors will enjoy patting the sheep at Port Stanley Farm.

May 3rd Holiday: In honour of Margaret's accession to power in the General Election of 1979, the Early May Bank Holiday will be adjusted to fall on the Third of May each year. If May 3rd should fall at the weekend then bankers will be allowed an alternative day off, but public servants will lose out on a day in lieu and rightly so. It is expected that the day will begin with maypole dancing. Should the BBC dare to schedule The Wizard of Oz somewhere around teatime, its licence fee will be terminated.

Royal Grantham Regis: In respect for nurturing the greatest Prime Minister since Winston Churchill, the town of Grantham will be appointed additional ceremonial status through the double extension of its name. In addition the Roberts' former grocers shop on North Parade will be awarded National Treasure status, and a small cafe opened within selling ice creams and third-of-a-pint bottles of milk.

Finchley Aerial Park: In an act of collective art, all the rooftops of Finchley will be painted blue, and a Sky News cameraman will be sent up during a Spitfire flypast to take a commemorative photograph.

Please send any further ideas for Projects of Permanent Remembrance to thatcher4ever@gov.uk.

Given in Westminster, from the See of this Congregation for the Causes of Saints, 13 April 2013.

<< click for Newer posts

click for Older Posts >>

click to return to the main page

...or read more in my monthly archives
Jan18  Feb18  Mar18  Apr18  May18  Jun18  Jul18
Jan17  Feb17  Mar17  Apr17  May17  Jun17  Jul17  Aug17  Sep17  Oct17  Nov17  Dec17
Jan16  Feb16  Mar16  Apr16  May16  Jun16  Jul16  Aug16  Sep16  Oct16  Nov16  Dec16
Jan15  Feb15  Mar15  Apr15  May15  Jun15  Jul15  Aug15  Sep15  Oct15  Nov15  Dec15
Jan14  Feb14  Mar14  Apr14  May14  Jun14  Jul14  Aug14  Sep14  Oct14  Nov14  Dec14
Jan13  Feb13  Mar13  Apr13  May13  Jun13  Jul13  Aug13  Sep13  Oct13  Nov13  Dec13
Jan12  Feb12  Mar12  Apr12  May12  Jun12  Jul12  Aug12  Sep12  Oct12  Nov12  Dec12
Jan11  Feb11  Mar11  Apr11  May11  Jun11  Jul11  Aug11  Sep11  Oct11  Nov11  Dec11
Jan10  Feb10  Mar10  Apr10  May10  Jun10  Jul10  Aug10  Sep10  Oct10  Nov10  Dec10 
Jan09  Feb09  Mar09  Apr09  May09  Jun09  Jul09  Aug09  Sep09  Oct09  Nov09  Dec09
Jan08  Feb08  Mar08  Apr08  May08  Jun08  Jul08  Aug08  Sep08  Oct08  Nov08  Dec08
Jan07  Feb07  Mar07  Apr07  May07  Jun07  Jul07  Aug07  Sep07  Oct07  Nov07  Dec07
Jan06  Feb06  Mar06  Apr06  May06  Jun06  Jul06  Aug06  Sep06  Oct06  Nov06  Dec06
Jan05  Feb05  Mar05  Apr05  May05  Jun05  Jul05  Aug05  Sep05  Oct05  Nov05  Dec05
Jan04  Feb04  Mar04  Apr04  May04  Jun04  Jul04  Aug04  Sep04  Oct04  Nov04  Dec04
Jan03  Feb03  Mar03  Apr03  May03  Jun03  Jul03  Aug03  Sep03  Oct03  Nov03  Dec03
 Jan02  Feb02  Mar02  Apr02  May02  Jun02  Jul02 Aug02  Sep02  Oct02  Nov02  Dec02 

eXTReMe Tracker
jack of diamonds
Life viewed from London E3

» email me
» follow me on twitter
» follow the blog on Twitter
» follow the blog on RSS

my flickr photostream