diamond geezer

 Sunday, October 21, 2018

When is Easter?

Easter is on 21st April 2019, exactly six months from today, so will soon be upon us.

It's never too early to start planning for the greatest springtime event of the social calendar.

What is Easter, and why and where and who and how and whence and whither?

Easter is a festival and holiday celebrating the resurrection of Jesus from the dead, described in the New Testament as having occurred on the third day of his burial after his crucifixion by the Romans at Calvary c. 30 AD.

We got our intern to cut and paste this information from Wikipedia, because we want you to read it on our website because we have adverts. Also, if we get in and publish this stuff early enough, with enough keywords, Google will recognise our useful webpage and promote it up its lists as the day of celebration approaches, which means easy clickmoney for us.

Why does the date of Easter vary?

The date of Easter varies because of variable reasons which vary from year to year, and are complex, because of their variability.

We could explain this properly but it's far too complicated, and we can't be bothered, because by arriving on this page you have already generated the micropayment we require, so we consider there to be no requirement to invest time providing you with an actual answer.

When are Good Friday and Easter Monday?

Good Friday is on 19th April 2019, which is a Friday, and Easter Monday is on 22nd April 2019, which is a Monday.

It ought to be bloody obvious to anyone with intelligence that Good Friday is two days before Easter and Easter Monday is one day after. But the general populace lacks wider education these days, or has become overused to relying on the internet to source information, so we are only too pleased to present these 'amazing facts' to cement our online status as the go-to expert on all factual matters.

Everything you need to know about Easter

Easter is all about Jesus and chocolate, but mostly it's the time when we celebrate the return of the outdoor cocktail pop-up. Every right-minded consumer enjoys a cocoa-infused negroni on the roof, right? So here's our exclusive list of all the top venues...
Selfridges Easter Rooftop Pop-up: Dates TBC
Peckham Multi-Storey Insta Drop-In: Theme TBC
Bompas & Parr Make Smells: Venue TBC
Obviously this isn't everything you need to know about Easter, we just wrote that to get your attention. And what do you know, it worked! Our version of 'everything' is commercially focused, and restricted to a very small range of things we actually know something about, even if we don't know much about them yet because they're still six months away. But we'll update this list later as the press releases ping into our inbox, assuming we remember.

The London Marathon 2019 Date Has Been Announced

The date to put in your diary if you want to see sweaty men in dinosaur costumes panting across Tower Bridge and well-known celebrities stopping to wee on the pavement is Sunday 28 April.

This is our favourite tactic, hinting at information you don't know in the title but not revealing the answer until you click through. You could Google it, but we're counting on you reading our version, because it's quicker, even though you didn't really need to know the information anyway. Oh how we love to dangle a secret titbit.

This is the best Easter event anyone will ever see

We received a press release recently which told us about an event the organisers really want us to tell you about. Here are the key details of that event, lifted directly from their text, because that passes for journalism these days.

Obviously this isn't the best Easter event anyone will ever see, by any objective measure, but we like to overpromise. We're happy to declare almost anything a superlative, because we're never too proud to exaggerate for effect, and because excess hype generates extra traffic. See also "the quirkiest chocolate bunnies", "the quaintest Easter egg hunts" and "the most fabulous afternoon teas". This kind of non-factual declaration of primacy is bread and butter to us.

Here's how to maximise the 2019 Easter weekend

There's a lot to like about Easter in London – two whole days off, gratuitous chocolate consumption and if we're lucky, some springtime sunshine. You will be spoilt for choice as to how you spend the year's first bank holiday, from spring fairs, to wild nights out, to giant Easter Egg hunts. Whether you want to spend the weekend clinking glasses, plunging into piles of chocolate eggs or strolling through London in bloom, we've put all the best eggs in one basket for you.

You might think focusing on Easter six months in advance is madness. But it's increasingly important to optimise web content by publishing it early and embedding it into search engines, as well as rebroadcasting it regularly on social media. All the serious events portals got their Christmas content up weeks ago, even though nobody currently cares, and will continue to flog it over the coming weeks on the off chance you might want to pre-book a night out. Indeed that 'how to maximise the 2019 Easter weekend' paragraph reproduced above was actually published on a certain well-known London website on 1st May, fifty weeks early, because premature content pays.

Revealed: the summer celebrations taking place this summer

And so it continues...

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