In an ideal world every TfL station would have toilet facilities but the truth is you're more likely to be caught short.
It was therefore refreshing last week to see TfL announce "bold plans to grow and improve toilet provision" because that'd be a very good thing. The press release promised "investment totalling £3m per year over five years" aimed at "improving and increasing the number of accessible toilets on the network" and "closing the gap in existing toilet provision so that Tube, Overground and Elizabeth line customers are always within 20 minutes of a toilet without having to change train." The press release also linked to a page that linked to a page that linked to a brand new 26 page report where the meat of the proposals can be found, which I suspect not many people have read. I'll get to that in a couple of shakes.
You can view the status quo on TfL's toilets map, a much bigger version of which is available if you click on my piddly one.
As well as differentiating between male, female and accessible toilets, the symbols also show whether the facilities are inside or outside the gateline. This is important because if you're desperate on a train you don't want the toilet to be in a subway outside the station, and conversely if you're in the ticket hall you may not be able to access a toilet on the platforms.
The map shows that some parts of the network have a hugely better provision than others. Beyond Finchley Road on the Metropolitan and Jubilee lines every single station (bar Ickenham) has toilet provision, which is amazing. South of Kennington on the Northern line there are no toilets at all, which is appalling. Only three Elizabeth line stations don't have toilet provision. Only five DLR stations do. Also just because the map shows a station has a toilet doesn't mean it's actually open. It's all very hit and miss, which if you need a wee urgently is never a good idea.
This map shows toilet facilities at tube stations.
You can see the toilet strongholds very clearly - the far east of the District line, the Central line beyond Stratford, the Barnet end of the Northern line and pretty much all of west London. You can also see the toilet deserts - the Bakerloo line, the Victoria line, most of the rest of the Northern line and pretty much the whole of central London. See how the two new stations at Battersea Power Station and Nine Elms were built with toilets but the stations on the Jubilee extension weren't, or at least they haven't been kept open. TfL could be doing so much better.
Things are particularly desperate in zone 1.
The majority of these toilets aren't in TfL stations, they're at the mainline railway termini alongside (specifically Paddington, Marylebone, Euston, King's Cross, St Pancras, Liverpool Street, London Bridge, Cannon Street, Blackfriars, Charing Cross and Waterloo). These have all been free to use since at least 2019 but it's perhaps a bit of a cheek to include them on the map. Elephant & Castle's so-called toilets are on platform 2 at the separate railway station. Vauxhall's are outside at the bus station. Green Park's, Piccadilly's and Westminster's are outside in a subway and I believe cost 50p.
A further seven stations (Earl's Court, Tottenham Court Road, Bank, Battersea Power Station, Nine Elms, Shoreditch High Street and Hoxton) only have accessible toilets. That's excellent if accessible facilities is what you need but it's not necessarily helpful to the wider population with urgent needs.
All of which leaves just four zone 1 stations with a public toilet inside a TfL gateline. I checked out all four.
» Baker Street: The Gents is at the foot of the stairs near the entrance to the eastbound Circle line platform, by the heritage pillared screen. The Ladies is upstairs in the ticket hall but outside the gateline.
» City Thameslink: These are at the Ludgate Hill entrance, just beyond the gateline, with ladies on the left and gentlemen on the right. Technically they're not TfL toilets at all, but the station's on the tube map so they're included.
» Farringdon: These are on the northbound Thameslink platform, close to the Crossrail escalators, and are open for most of the day. It's well worth knowing these exist.
» Victoria: I had to ask two members of staff where these were. One directed me to the railway station but his colleague was better informed and sent me to the new Cardinal Place exit at the top of the escalators. The facilities are behind three separate locked doors, each labelled 'Please ask staff for access to toilet', so prepare to cross your legs for a few extra seconds.
Then I got cocky and tried zone 2.
» Barons Court: Behind the gateline at the top of the stairs. Women on the left, Men on the right.
» Finchley Road: At the top of the stairs down to the northbound platform, but yesterday sealed off by a big sign saying 'No toilet facilities at this station', hmmm.
» Finsbury Park: To find these you have to work your way up to platforms 7 and 8 at the main station. Bog standard platform toilets.
» Kensington Olympia: On the northbound Overground platform, bang opposite where the front of the train stops.
» Stamford Brook: Between the gateline and the stairs, one male, one female.
» Stratford: I'm ashamed to say I'd never noticed these before. They're in the main ticket hall tucked behind the stairs up to the Central line.
» White City: In the ticket hall, just behind the gateline on the left. Pretty much perfectly located.
» Willesden Junction: On the northbound Bakerloo/Overground platform.
» The other 61 tube stations in zone 2: No toilets inside the gateline.
I should point out that I only used one of these, my bladder's not that weak. But it's really not many toilets, is it?
The plan is to improve accessibility and availability, particularly to close the gaps on the network with a lack of toilet facilities. The promised £15m of funding will be used to create new facilities, enhance existing facilities, reopen closed facilities and improve cleaning. They additionally intend to provide toilets at new, expanded or upgraded stations, so for example the following are already funded and on their way:
• Clapton - early 2025
• Seven Sisters - early 2025
• Colindale - late 2025
• West Ham - Spring 2026
• Leyton - late 2026
I'm particularly pleased about West Ham because the station has some of the most passive aggressive Go Away We Don't Have Any Toilets And There Aren't Any Outside Either notices anywhere on the network.
In addition a map-bashing exercise was used to identify nine particularly needy clusters of stations which, if filled, would mean passengers were no longer over 20 minutes from an accessible toilet. These are the clusters...
...and these are the nine stations they've identified to fill the gaps...
• Amersham (convert current facilities to include accessible toilet)
• Sudbury Hill (convert current facilities to include accessible toilet)
• White Hart Lane (install toilet into disused space on Platform 1)
• South Tottenham (convert staff toilet to public toilet and convert storeroom next door to staff toilet)
• Camden Road (convert existing offices on Platform 1 into customer toilets)
• Hammersmith [Dist & Picc] (convert disused ticket office at western gateline)
• Green Park (convert disused ticket office, maybe)
• Morden (convert disused ticket office)
• New Cross Gate (convert secondary staff toilet located behind ticket office)
There are also plans to trial full-time toilet attendants at Baker Street, Farringdon and Stratford, these some of the busiest stations on the network so something you might be amazed isn't currently the case.
Don't expect instant results because it's a five year plan, and it could be argued not an especially ambitious one. But these improved facilities are desperately needed because, let's be honest, the current provision is barely taking the piss.
If it's quarter past seven on the morning of the third of November then I've been single for exactly twenty-five years. Yes, I used to post this everyyear, but now I only do it everyfive.
Twenty-five years of singledom would appear to confirm it's not you, it's me. But don't worry, I'm perfectly happy being partnerless, thanks, and you'd never put up with me anyway.
Some might say that we single people are missing out on the joys of coupledom, and maybe we are, but I'm convinced that there are equally many positive points to being single:
Single: You get the whole duvet to yourself. Coupled: You don't need a hot water bottle.
Single: There's half as much ironing to do. Coupled: There's twice as much ironing to do but somebody else might do it.
Single: You can hoover the carpet when you think it needs doing. Coupled: Somebody else hoovers the carpet before you think it needs doing.
Single: Nobody ever tells you that the kitchen must be repainted and the bathroom must be retiled. Coupled: Two people can repaint the kitchen or retile the bathroom far more quickly than one.
Single: You never have to waste a Sunday doing what somebody else wants. Coupled: You never sit around on a Sunday wondering what the hell to do.
Single: You can watch whatever boxset you like, without arguments. Coupled: There's somebody else on the sofa to snuggle up to.
Single: You can flood Instagram with photos of your cat. Coupled: You can flood Instagram with photos of your children.
Single: Nobody complains when you burp, belch or fart. Coupled: Somebody points out when you have dandruff on your shoulder.
Single: The toilet seat is always where you left it. Coupled: The toilet seat isn't always freezing cold.
Single: You never come home to a blazing row. Coupled: You sometimes come home to a cooked meal.
Single: You get to eat the whole ready meal for two yourself. Coupled: It takes just as long to cook for two as it does for one.
Single: You can spend all your money on yourself. Coupled: There are two salaries coming in and only one set of bills.
Single: You can walk away from a flatshare, any time. Coupled: You might be able to afford a mortgage, together.
Single: There are no important birthdays or anniversaries to accidentally forget. Coupled: Somebody actually remembers your birthday.
Single: You never have to buy useless gifts for your partner, just for the sake of it. Coupled: Somebody buys you presents occasionally.
Single: You can take time out without needing to give a reason. Coupled: Somebody's genuinely interested in how you're feeling.
Single: Nobody insists on coming over to yours for Christmas. Coupled: Everybody insists on coming over to yours for Christmas.
Single: There are no in-laws to be forced to spend time with. Coupled: Being part of two families is better than one.
Single: You're allowed to flirt with people in the street. Coupled: You don't need to flirt with people in the street.
Single: You can still have a riotous social life in your 40s. Coupled: You can still have a riotous social life in your 60s.
Single: You have no friends to go out with because they've all partnered off and are staying in. Coupled: You don't have to go out with those annoying friends you had while you were single.
Single: You don't catch every sniffle, cold and flu bug off your partner. Coupled: If a pandemic lockdown strikes, you have someone to talk to.
Single: You can focus on looking after yourself, not others. Coupled: When you suffer a major cardiac arrest, somebody actually notices and dials 999.
Single: You never get left alone and desolate because your life partner's just passed away. Coupled: When you get old and infirm, you have a carer to look after you.
Single: If you do ever meet the partner of your dreams, it's not too late to marry them. Coupled: Nobody ever meets the partner of their dreams, so better to get married before it's too late.
Single: Being coupled is restrictive, stifling and a sign of personal weakness. Coupled: Being single is unnatural, lonely and a sign of personal failure.
Single: You don't need to depend on others for your happiness. Coupled: You don't need to rely on yourself for support.
Single: You never get your heart broken. Coupled: You sometimes feel your heart leap.
Single: You can have sex with anyone you like. Coupled: You can have sex whenever you like.
Single: The bathroom is always free. Coupled: The bedroom is always full.
Single: You can lie in bed in the morning for as long as you like. Coupled: There's a very good reason for lying in bed in the morning.
Single: Nobody sees what you look like first thing in the morning. Coupled: Somebody loves you despite what they see first thing in the morning.
Single: You never telephone a hotel 60 miles away from where your partner said they were spending the weekend and get put through to room 118 where the phone is unexpectedly answered by the new bloke they intend to replace you with, sounding very guilty and somewhat flushed.
Not that I'm in any way bitter, you understand...
An exhibition of tube maps, dozens and dozens of them, is pretty much nirvana for some people. If this is you be sure to make a pilgrimage to The Map House (nearest station Knightsbridge) before the end of the month. Look for the gold tube map in the window, just round the corner from Harrods.
To be fair it's more a sale in a shop professionally displayed, but I've never seen a collection of tube maps quite as varied as this nor do I expect to again. There are some cracking old maps in the opening gallery, mainly from the era when people drew red lines on existing street maps and everything was geographically pure. I never realised there'd been dotted-line plans to build a railway across the Thames alongside Hammersmith Bridge, for example, and to run it all the way down to Barnes. These maps are large framed beauties, and if you read to the bottom of the highly informative label it's not uncommon for the price to end in two or even three zeros. Flick through the catalogue if you want to see what I mean.
The maps continue down the little stairs and along the little corridor, proper big posters with long-abandoned geometric formats and unfamiliar line colours. But the real treasure trove is perhaps the back room where the post-Beck tube map is celebrated in all its many topological glories. One wall is a chronological run through from 1933, the evolution of rationales plain to see, including a little inward cheer when Harry Beck wrests control back from alternative designers. A proof version of his very first map is included in the display, annotated with suggestions and corrections (you forgot the Watford branch, Waterloo should be red), also a quartet of much later pencil and paper sketches of interchanges as he attempted to squeeze the Victoria line through. Some of the poster-sized maps are so rare that, as the label proudly mentions, not even the London Transport Museum has this one.
Not everything's official, so for example a couple of Max Roberts' circular tube maps gleam in the hallway. But almost everything's up for sale, a little red sticker showing which are already being taken away by a new owner at the end of the exhibition. Rifling through a set of contemporary trifolds I was surprised to see that even a 2022 tube map, which you could have picked up in multitudes for absolutely nothing, is selling for as much as £35. So best just look and admire, and perhaps covet, and do it quickly because you'll never see the like together again. [until 30 November, from 10.30am, not Sunday]
20 things we learnt from TfL FoI requests in October 2024
1) The five road junctions with the most casualties and collisions over the last three years (specifically the greatest 'casualty harm') are the Redbridge Roundabout, Seven Sisters, Elephant & Castle, the foot of Ilford Hill and Brixton Hill/Acre Lane. Bow Roundabout is number seven. 2) Of the 1.87 billion bus journeys made during the last financial year, 60% were made by passengers paying full fare and 17% by passengers with free passes (e.g. Freedom Pass). 3) Between 21 May 2023 and 22 September 2024, 65,848 westbound Elizabeth line trains terminated at Paddington and 75,949 continued beyond Paddington. That's a 46%/54% split. 4) On average 410,000 Oyster cards are issued each month. Normally (but not currently) 15,000 60+ Photocards are issued each month. 5) New bus route 310 is 7.57 miles long towards Golders Green but only 7.17 miles towards Stamford Hill. 6) 62 Overground stations, 24 Elizabeth line stations and zero Underground stations have a ticket office. These figures are unchanged since 2020. 7) Standard tube stock driving motor car No 3327 (built in 1927) is the only Underground vehicle to have been displayed at the Science Museum in South Kensington (from 1967 to 1996 in the Rail Transport Gallery). 8) Since 2019 16 people have been prosecuted for alcohol consumption on TfL services, 105 for alcohol possession and just one for being unfit due to alcohol. 9) Since 2021 £695,000 has been spent on the refurbishment of the escalators at Cutty Sark DLR. All four are currently out of service following the identification of defects. 10) TfL will be updating the tube map once the new London Overground line signage has come into use. This is planned to happen before the end of 2024. 11) Plans for the current major roadworks at the Bow Roundabout have been released, solely because one person asked. 12) In the last financial year 2979 people were prosecuted for fare evasion and 12,907 penalty fare notices issued in lieu of initiating a criminal prosecution. 13) Since the start of the year the tube station with the most lift faults is Victoria, the most out-of-service lift on the Elizabeth line is at Canary Wharf and the most broken-down lift on the Overground is at Caledonian Road and Barnsbury. 14) "the speed limit plus 10% plus 2mph" is the standard threshold for speed cameras across the whole of London, including the Rotherhithe Tunnel. 15) There are no plans to introduce Platform Screen/Edge Doors at stations served by the new Piccadilly line tube stock. An upgrade of the signalling on the line is not currently funded. 16) A new DLR timetable begins on 4th November. It exists only as a set of unhelpfully atomised spreadsheets. 17) You can stop asking TfL for the latest copy of their geographic tube map because they haven't updated it since May 2014. 18) Last year 89 'Slips Trips and Falls' were recorded at Bank/Monument stations. On average ¼m passengers use these stations every day. 19) Since 2002 there have been 146 claims against TfL linked to asbestos inhalation, an average of around 7 per year. It is not known how many of these claims are by ex-employees. 20) During 2023/24 TfL received 4540 FOI and EIR requests. 67% were responded to in full, 12% relied on a partial exemption and 21% were refused in full due to an applicable exemption.
The major roadworks at the Bow Roundabout are now into their second month (or their third month if you're the manager who cancels buses).
• Traffic queues are still bad, but not always that bad.
• Pretty much the whole area under the Stratford side of the flyover is now sealed off and in use as a worksite.
• New kerbstones have been added along the edge of the new contraflow exit lane.
• Work has also started on drilling out the expansion joint forming the eastern edge of Bow Bridge.
• The first roadworks have taken place under the Bow side of the flyover, but only to drill out a curve of concrete block paving that's due to become roadway, so fairly trivial.
A few weeks ago this sign was placed on Stratford High Street on the approach to the flyover. Its apostrophes are now concerning me. The apostrophe in B′wall is unnecessary because there's plenty of space to write Blackwall. But I was mainly bamboozled by Ch′ford. Why are they directing traffic towards Chingford, I thought, that's not even on the A12. Only five minutes later did I realise they meant Chelmsford. I wonder how many passing drivers work that out in the brief seconds before the divide. Over-abbreviated place names on lane markings are often highly ambiguous for those without good local knowledge.
Tue 1: Two new developments in Barking & Dagenham are over-egging transport links in their roadside marketing. Barking Riverside says 'Perfectly connected' when the reality is a half-hourly boat, a train to Barking or non-express buses. Dagenham Green says 'Fantastic connectivity by train, tube or bus' and is admittedly very close to Dagenham Dock station but almost a mile from the nearest tube station. Wed 2: Firstfooting, ideally with a chunk of coal, is normally a January tradition. My 2024 firstfooter arrived this morning and only brought a toolbag. Thu 3: The City Lodge guest house on Bow Road replaced the King's Arms pub in 2009, but only now have they finally added a proper sign outside clearly indicating to punters what the building is. £65 a night, if you're ever desperate. Fri 4: I went up the shot tower in Crane Park where the view from the top floor windows is alas mostly foliage. What I was not expecting was being trapped inside the building until three particularly frisky dogs had stopped barking outside the door.
Sat 5: I went out of my way to see the Liz Truss lettuce plaque that's just been added to the Tesco Express in Walthamstow at Bell Corner, but sadly it'd already been removed. Sun 6: Big Brother is back and I am once again watching every minute, mainly to applaud the producers for their character selection and creative pot-stirring challenges. More positively I'm not blogging about it all the time like I used to in 2004. Mon 7:Reddit London are planning a new AMA series (Ask Me Anythings - 45 minute real-time Q&A sessions). Redditor mralistair kindly suggested I should be asked to take part. Someone else then said "I'm sure if you ask questions he'll pick them up and answer them on his blog (either directly or cryptically, spelling out the answer with postcodes or something)" and I thought hmmm, do I want to do that? My chosen response was thus "NORTH LONDON O, xford DUMFRIES & GALLOWAY". Alas I don't think the chief Redditor has worked it out yet. Tue 8: When I went to the Old Bailey to watch a trial, the first court I went into featured an absent defendant, a jury still in the midst of deliberations and a family who had to keep turning up each day in case their offspring's verdict was finally announced. I was pleased when we were all sent out and I was able to pick another court. Wed 9: I took Mike Batt's new autobiography out of the library and it's fascinating. He deals with the Wombles very quickly and then moves on to an astonishing range of everything else, a lot of which he felt was underappreciated at the time. His life story essentially boils down to repeatedly risking everything for creative reasons and repeatedly going bust, with thankful intermissions of staggering success.
Thu 10: I was gutted not to see the aurora, again, despite going out and looking very hard. I stood with BestMate at a dark point on the Greenway, aurora-meter peaking in hand, but we saw nothing more than the capital's usual low level glow. Fri 11: This week's copy of the Standard splashed the Frieze art festival on the cover, which seems very target audience. But I was gobsmacked by one sentence in the editorial ("Frankly, if Frieze doesn't touch you this week - even in a tangential way - are you even a Londoner?"), which suggests that Dylan Jones's vision for the publication is as a patronising elitist mouthpiece. Sat 12: The Archers now has an official podcast hosted by Emma Freud, and it's both "oh for goodness sake does everything have to have a podcast these days?" and "actually this is quite good". But can they keep it up week after week after week? Sun 13: While walking random Bexley footpaths I found myself outside a station I had never seen from outside before, which surprised me because I thought I'd seen them all by now. I think that's the last one in London but I might be wrong. Mon 14: All the trolley-sized self-service tills were out of action at Tesco this morning, and it proved incredibly difficult to balance all my shopping on a basket-sized one. Tue 15: In the subway at South Kensington I saw an advert for the Art Pass saying "Scientific research shows that regularly looking at art could help you live longer", and I thought that's unproveable bolx. I've subsequently found that research and all it said was "Receptive arts engagement could have a protective association with longevity in older adults", and also "This study was observational and so causality cannot be assumed" so yes, the advert is over-interpretation of a woolly result.
Wed 16: At the Isabella Plantation in Richmond Park, the red-green contrast by the Still Pond is currently the reverse of what it was six months ago. Thu 17: If you're ever in the middle of the Olympic Park around 10am you can tell the college nearby is a fashion college because all the students are arriving in extraordinary get-ups keen to make a visual statement. Fri 18: Buying my train ticket to Norfolk I was peeved to see the price had risen by 35p since the summer, not because fares have gone up but because train operators have decided to trim railcard discounts from 34% to 33.4%. It's not much in the grand scheme of things but it does send a pennypinching screw-you message to passengers. Sat 19: Important tasks undertaken during visit to the parental home in Norfolk: rebooting the smart meter, connecting the new wi-fi extender, adding photos to a Powerpoint presentation, adjusting various group email addresses, helping to finish off the squidgy cucumber. Sun 20: A message from Liz: "Am just beyond impressed at your impact - have just had occasional to look at the Dangleway on Google maps, and Lo and behold, when I keyed in Dangleway, it took me straight there!" Mon 21: Even the day after his 86th birthday, my Dad still climbs to the upper deck of the Park and Ride bus for a better view. Shame it was all steamed up.
Tue 22: I thought you might like a photo of the family tortoise enjoying the autumn sunshine. You can tell when she's ready for hibernation because she starts digging a hole in the lawn. Wed 23: I'm thoroughly enjoying Ludwig, the Cambridge-based puzzle-focused detective drama, and so it seems is the British public because it has stellar viewing figures. (Next week's final episode, though, felt contrived and unconvincing). Thu 24: Next time I do a PR email round-up I'll tell you about the publicist who sent me 380 copies of the same press release, each addressed to a different person in her mailmerge list. You utter muppet, Lorna. Fri 25: BBC News's style guide is in the news today because they've just decreed that Twitter "in most cases should now just be referred to as X". You could easily spend an hour reading the rest of it, from when to use apostrophes to whether or not there's an h in yoghurt. Sat 26: Fanny the Gipsy Hill station cat has a 2025 calendar available to purchase. It's only £15, plus an extra £5 if you can't pick up your copy from The Great Southern pub in December.
Sun 27: I have never walked into as many spiders' webs as I did today round Hainault's hills, woodland and cemeteries. My thanks to the gardener who started up a conversation just to tell me I had white threads all over me. I feel like I'm still brushing them off. Mon 28: This blog had its 10th best ever day today, visitor-wise, and all because a columnist at the Economist noted my report on the queues at the National Gallery. He tweeted a one-word message ("miserable") which got seen 130,000 times, and mischiefmaker Guido Fawkes then added a link from his homepage ("National Gallery Ruined for Everyone by Soup Throwers"). Sometimes it pays to do proper on-the-spot reporting. Tue 29: Poppies on trains are back, indeed all over the DLR and (for the first time this year) on some Dangleway cabins. A special mention to the sticker-slapper who managed to position one off-centre on the front of a Hammersmith & City line train so that last year's Smudge of Remembrance is still plainly visible underneath. Wed 30: Spurred on by Monday's National Gallery reportage, today's Daily Telegraph includes an article called 'Just Stop Oil are spoiling it for everyone - I've been queueing for almost an hour'. They even used a quote from my blog as the final sentence! If you can't get past the paywall here's a partial snapshot. Thu 31: I went back to the National Gallery this morning because you should never assume arrangements are the same one week later, and it turns out the queueing system has changed. Advance booking is no longer available so all walk-up visitors join the same queue. This is much longer than before but moves faster because the number of bag checkers has been increased from three to five. It took me 30 minutes to gain entry, much better than last week's 55 minutes but still a lengthy queueing marathon. Queues for Members and for visitors to the Van Gogh exhibition were now non-existent. The gallery was also noticeably busier. So it's bad but it might be getting better.
