diamond geezer

 Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Winter Wonderland is celebrating its 10th birthday in Hyde Park. Hordes will fill its festive enclosure at weekends and after dark until New Year's Day. But what's it like on a weekday morning in November? Not as quiet as you might expect...



I wasn't expecting queues, not on an autumnal weekday morning. But when I turned up at the gate closest to Hyde Park Corner I had to wait in line for six minutes while the jobsworths ahead checked over those hoping to get inside. Anyone with a bag had it scrutinised, not just for anything bomb-sized but a proper poke/squeeze/empty in the search for liquid contraband. Bottles of half-drunk water were located and chucked unceremoniously into a bin. Men without bags were asked to stand with their arms outstretched for a pat down, at least in the line I ended up in, and I felt more humiliated than festive by the end of it. I walked round later and observed that procedures at the other two entrance gates were less draconian - bags checked, but everyone else waved straight through without the need for prodding. The inconsistency of approach was irritating, and suggested that the prime purpose of the 'security' perimeter is to ensure quarantine for the drinks-peddlers inside.

Whoa it's big! An attraction which started out as a few stalls along a path has mushroomed into a full-blown entertainment corral covering 350 acres, and walking round the perimeter took absolutely ages. I was quite convinced at one point I must be nearly back to where I started but I was barely halfway, as a quick check of the map confirmed. Do pick up a map from one of the kiosks, they're free, and it's only with one that I managed to gain any sense of how the sprawl of paths and attractions was laid out. But it's pretty much the same layout as last year, if that helps.



Who are the people who come to Winter Wonderland on a Tuesday morning in November? Students, rather than schoolkids. Young-ish tourists. Retired couples. Groups of mates with the day off work. Mums with pre-schoolers in strollers. Pickpockets. And yes, redundant bloggers.

What I genuinely wasn't expecting is that, even on a Tuesday morning in November, the whole place is open. Every burrito stall, every hook-a-duck, every MDF chalet serving themed drinks, the lot. Even when there was no hope of sufficient punters turning up, bratwurst still sizzled on oversized grills, innumerable lights flashed on silent rides and staff behind makeshift counters waited to pull unwanted pints. The whole complex is vastly over-resourced during daylight hours, simply so that it's primed for an evening bombardment. And this is why a weekday daytime is the best time to come, assuming that you're coming to have a go at things, and not simply for the social experience.

Winter Wonderland is stacked high with three kinds of things - experiences, refreshment and merchandise. There's a heck of a lot of each. But essentially you're walking round a giant fairground, which I suspect is why the whole place works. Travelling fairs visit most other big towns and cities during the rest of the year, but central London sees nothing comparable until WW turns up for a six week blowout before Christmas. Where else, and when else are you going to get your house of mirrors, ghost train and rollercoaster fix? No wonder people come.



Bring cash, assuming you intend to spend money (and there's not much to do here if you don't). This isn't an especially card- or contactless-friendly environment, being in the middle of a Royal Park, so assume it's still 2007 and stock up on coins and notes appropriately. Cash machines are provided, but they all charge £2.95 per transaction, and you could nearly buy a tray of chips for that.

Ah, the smell of the blazing brazier, how evocative is that? Just don't huddle up with your mulled wine too close for too long, else you'll get back to the tube smelling like a bonfire.

The paid-for attractions are the real moneyspinners for the organisers. Turn up on spec at the weekend and they'll likely be booked out, which forces people to pre-purchase online and fork out at least £3 extra for the privilege. But turn up on a weekday daytime in November and you can walk onto the observation wheel, have the ice rink almost to yourself, and dine alone in the vast Bavarian bierkeller. The amazing Munich Looping in the centre of the site - the world's largest transportable rollercoaster - only runs once it's gathered enough squealing punters, which was yesterday was only three or four times an hour. And over at Bar Hutte they're standing outside almost begging groups to come inside to try the karaoke chalets, at least before the office crews turn up after work for a blast.



Food's not cheap, but neither is it ridiculously expensive, at least as fairground fare goes. Eight quid's a lot for a cheesy hotdog, but not unheard of in the world of event hospitality, while most pubs in Soho also charge a fiver a pint. It all adds up though, especially if there's a lot of you and you end up on the beer plus associated snacks. The food choice is, if anything, too wide. Tucked in amongst the more generic meatshacks and sweet vendors are genuine streetfood vans, vegetarian burgers, halal options and fish and chips, for starters, so it could take some time to decide which one 'main meal' option is going to be your choice. You couldn't possibly eat even a fraction of what's on offer, although when it comes to churros, waffles, iced doughnuts, giant pretzels, mini pancakes and Haribo, some attendees are clearly up for giving it a good go.

The most astonishing food offer I found was on a faded menu pinned up outside a VIP restaurant at the back of the Bavarian Village. Sausage and cheese starter for four, £44. Wild goulash ragout, £38. Steak, £65, or £155 to maybe share. Red berry compote, £12. Glass of rosé, £250. Bottle of Dom Perignon, £1500. I never expected to find the Knightsbridge audience living it up in wintry Hyde Park, or maybe this is where bankers come after work before getting blokey on the coasters.



It's amazing how many ways there are to dress up a bar. One looks like a windmill, one looks like a Viking hideaway, one looks like a circus tent, one is topped with a statuesque pyramid, two rotate like a carousel, and one is even an attempted recreation of an East End boozer. It's almost a licensed Las Vegas in plywood. And it works. The rotund blokes plonk down outside Santa's pub, the Netflix couples hunker down in the Viking tent, and the late teens stop at the one with the loudest music. Every gimmick to make you swap your cash for alcohol is being tried.

You do not need a floral coinbag, a Santa hat with antlers or a glittery candelabra, but these are all amongst the bling available in the Angels Christmas Market. Many's the December 25th that'll feature some unwanted gift purchased here in a burst of festive fervour.

Do come if you like Instagramming misplaced apostrophes, you'll be spoilt for choice.

I watched one man win a giant Mickey Mouse on a ball-chucking stall by perfectly slamdunking five footballs past the shifting ice hockey goalies. But as the toy in a bag was hooked down, and handed over to his girlfriend, the lad on the stall picked up a small poster which read "Only 1 Jumbo per person" and held it up silently to prevent him from winning again.



Rather than diving in and embracing the experience I merely walked round agog, without spending a penny. No stallholders bothered me because I was a lone bloke, and Winter Wonderland is plainly for pairs, families and groups. But remember that having collective fun at Christmas can be totally unnecessarily wallet-emptying, if you allow it to be. And if you do fancy a trip to Winter Wonderland, and prefer activity to queueing, maybe try coming during the day, rather than evenings or weekends.

 Tuesday, November 21, 2017

J Barking/Dagenham
In 1965 the Municipal Borough of Barking and the Municipal Borough of Dagenham were combined to form the London borough of Barking. Residents of Dagenham were quite put out by their nominal omission, and cheered when the borough was renamed Barking and Dagenham in 1980. I've blogged about the place extensively before, including an entire week of jamjar posts in 2012, but for this report I've chosen to go back as a tourist. Is it possible to have a grand day out in Barking and Dagenham? Absolutely.

Visit Barking and Dagenham

a) Eastbury Manor House

Only one-third of London boroughs can boast a National Trust property, and Barking and Dagenham is one of the lucky few. You could drive around all day and never see it, though, unless you happened to be looking down the right sidestreet off Ripple Road and spotted the twisty chimneys. Clement Sisley's manor house on the Thames marshes is a wholly unexpected survivor from Tudor times, lingering on as a farmstead, then swallowed up four centuries later within a large housing estate. A square ring of tarmac was drawn around the house and its walled garden, and today prewar semis and parked cars hem it in on every side.



Always take up the offer of a tour if one's on offer, but the guide hadn't turned up on the day I visited, so I was left to my own devices to look around. Eastbury Manor House has three floors to explore, with the more interesting historical interpretations on the upper level, and wood panelled rooms ideal for weddings, functions and meetings downstairs. Only one of the original fireplaces remains, plus a couple of incomplete frescos, but you do get a sense of Eastbury's charm and function elsewhere, particularly in the creakier eaves. The most extraordinary feature is probably the Turret Stairs, a helix of wooden slats which climb to a small landing at almost chimney level, opening up panoramic views as far as Barking and Docklands.

The building's great, but the full experience is all down to its staff. Several were out keeping the garden in pristine condition, raking and trimming, while others readied themselves for service in the cafe. This isn't National Trust-run but is certainly up to scratch, with apple crumble crunch and squidgy dolloped cheesecake to enjoy along with a pot of tea, if not the local clientele to bring the place to life. Admission to Eastbury Manor House costs a mere £4, which is a total bargain, and only £3 if you can prove you're a B&D resident. Be aware that the house is only open on Thursdays, Fridays and Sundays at present, and closes from Christmas to Easter, but several craftsy classes and events take place throughout the year. For a full review of a proper visit to this hidden gem, check out my five-paragrapher from 2012.

b) Valence House

Valence House is named after a 13th century granddaughter of King John, although the current manor house dates back no further than the 1400s. It has the look of a rambling farmhouse, with a ginkgo tree currently shedding gorgeous leaves above an old coal tax post planted outside. One gallery on the ground floor tells the story of the house, but the majority of the interior is given over to the history of the borough, which is unexpectedly fantastically diverse. One highlight is the Dagenham Idol, a naked humanoid in Scots pine (and one of the oldest wooden statues ever to be unearthed), but I was also impressed by chunks of stonework from the attraction I'd be visiting next.



How many of the borough's current residents realise that Barking was once one of England's most important fishing ports, while Dagenham was barely a medieval village? The Becontree Estate turned everything around, the LCC's largest overspill project, and an armchair tableau depicts how the first residents of the nearby avenues would have lived. Ford workers get their space, as do the panoply of famous faces who grew up in the borough, and there's even a cabinet revealing the secrets of the Dagenham Girl Pipers. Watch some old Co-Op films, and see the giant tusks which gave their name to, and once stood over, Whalebone Lane. There always seems to be another room of stuff to explore, and another local nugget to uncover.

To find the cafe and the toilets, cross the courtyard and enter the modern lowrise building where the borough's Archives and Local Studies Centre is also housed. This cafe's a lot less cake trolley and a bit more soup and panini, but pitched better towards what most nearby residents actually want. It's also open five days a week (avoid Sundays and Mondays), and as free to enter as the museum, in case you're ever out this way. If your tourism limit is Zone 1 and maybe Greenwich and Richmond, open your eyes to the suburbs.

c) Barking Abbey

Barking, yes Barking, used to boast an abbey to compare to the finest in the land. It was founded in 666AD, razed by the Vikings and rebuilt as a nunnery. Once William the Conqueror gave it a royal charter its pre-eminence was assured - to be abbess at Barking was to hold one of the most important female roles in the country. Alas all of the abbey's land was lost at the Dissolution, and almost all of the buildings save the Curfew Tower and the parish church alongside, with the stone carted off to build palaces at Greenwich and Dartford.



The remains of the abbey were excavated around 100 years ago, and a series of paths laid out around a few surviving snaking walls. It's now a Scheduled Ancient Monument, a grassy dip that's locked at night, but during the day acts as a public park for skateboarding, spliffing or downing several cans of alcohol, depending. Find a bench and reflect on the religious significance of this unlikely spot by the ring road, then maybe afterwards pop down to the Town Quay on the River Roding and try to imagine the fishing fleet in port. Outer London is full of surprises.

d) Borough of Culture - Back The Bid

This summer Sadiq Khan launched a competition to name a London Borough of Culture, one for 2019 and one for 2020. Most councils are trying to jump on the bandwagon, and Barking and Dagenham are right up there with them. What's more I can tell you all about their plans, because I turned up in the Town Square just as their bid was being launched. A group of local dignitaries had gathered on the raised podium, two stiltwalkers were waving coloured flags outside the library, several council staff had turned up to swell the numbers, and a few classes of schoolchildren had been invited along to make sure the gathering was of a decent size.



The leader of the council, whose name is Darren, was acting as MC and winding up the crowd, complete with a strand of tinsel wrapped around his neck. He introduced the local MP, that's Margaret Hodge, who gave a stirring speech confirming that B&D is definitely the best borough in London. Darren then cajoled the crowd to form a conga and to dance around the square, paying special attention to staying within the range of the camera on the balcony. The DJ in the tent played Black Lace until there was enough footage for a pinned tweet on social media, and suddenly the reason for inviting all those excitable children had become clear.

There was a serious bit, where Dazzer outlined all the wonderful things that a successful bid could mean for the borough, and then he rounded off by urging everyone to raise the banners they'd made and face the camera again. Not everyone was looking the right way when the glitter cannon exploded, so that image hasn't appeared quite so frequently on Twitter as the ubiquitous #CongaForCulture. The launch event was rounded off by some dancing, a prolonged period of gyration and bodypopping by some lads in trackies, which wouldn't have been what Bexley would have done, but the young audience lapped it up. Meanwhile Darren rushed around pressing flesh, smiling at journalists and grinning through a branded cardboard frame, before disappearing up the Town Hall steps before the dancers had finished.



I see Barking and Dagenham very much as the Hull of the competition, the wild card outlier, and a borough that very much believes it needs to win. They'd probably run a very different Year of Culture to most of the other applicants, more community based, more inclusive, and wholly unashamed to organise a conga if that's what its residents enjoy. We'll find out in February whether they've been successful, and in 2019 the rest of London may finally come and experience the cultural delights of the borough. In the meantime a National Trust house, a medieval manor and a 7th century abbey should be enough to be getting on with.

 Monday, November 20, 2017

If you've ever fancied watching part of London being created, come to Barking. Specifically come to Barking Riverside, the brand new neighbourhood being carved out of hundreds of acres of desolate Thames foreshore. Where Barking Power Station once stood, or rather on the landfill site and pulverised fuel ash dump nextdoor, preparations for an enormous housing estate are taking place. Eventually 10% of the population of Barking and Dagenham will live here, in mews and flats and apartment blocks, across a landscape that's currently mostly blank. But a phenomenal act of placemaking is underway, and to see it all you have to do is take the bus.

The EL1 heads south from Barking, crosses the A13 and nudges the Creekmouth industrial area. It turns off through the postwar Thames View estate, which was as much as anyone was allowed to build round here before transport links were improved. In 2013 the bus was extended to the first chunk of Barking Riverside, several hundred homes of much more modern provenance. But only in September was the EL1 extended - evenings and weekends excepted - up the hill, past the top flats, along a bus lane and out the other side. It's not exactly pastures new, but it is an astonishing alteration.



River Road used to be the main access to a belching power station, before decaying to a potholed track. It's where the amazing Dagenham Sunday Market hangs out, and should do until Phase 4 wipes it away. The market used to be highly inaccessible unless you had a car, or liked a long hike, but now a new road's been knocked through from the estate suddenly getting here's a doddle. Until 2013 a bus ran along River Road twice a day to ferry mostly non-existent workers to their recycling yards, pausing at some of the remotest bus stops in London. In a remarkable turn of fate the replacement bus stops now see ten buses an hour, rather than two a day, not that there are yet any passengers for the EL1 to pick up.

Immediately ahead will be the district centre for the new Barking Riverside neighbourhood, as yet entirely unbuilt other than one road. The EL1 turns off into a landscape of flattened earth, skips and cables, which will eventually be a buzzing hub of offices, restaurants, bars and retail. It feels really odd entering a zone previously entirely inaccessible, now crisscrossed with caterpillar tracks and trenches, where tens of thousands of people will one day grab a coffee. And just off to the left, perched on a viaduct, will be Barking Riverside Overground station, the key transport link which unlocks the entire development. Completion isn't due until 2021, and construction doesn't begin until early next year, so don't expect to see anything yet.



The penultimate bus stop on the route exists physically but not digitally, close to the stack of silver containers on the waterfront that Barking & Dagenham council built as an environmental study centre. Today the Barking Riverside development team have taken it over, because their need is greater, as they keep an eye on the brick-and concrete wave that's about to sweep inland. The existing jetty will be upgraded and gain a Thames Clipper service into town, and long before that a floating hotel, if the planning notice pinned up at the top of the footpath is to be believed.

The reason for the EL1's extension lies ahead, namely Riverside Campus, England's largest free school cluster. This opened in September, in the middle of pretty much nowhere, because Barking and Dagenham urgently needs more school places, as will the 29000 residents who move in later. Part secondary, part primary and part special needs, pupils are already enjoying a sports hall, four multi-use games areas, an all-weather pitch and two dance studios. The bus provides a lifeline for pupils from existing communities, and will one day whisk actual residents away from neighbouring streets, but until those exist 'every six minutes' does feel like a ridiculously wasteful service.



What's unnerving is alighting at the terminus on a perfectly formed road which leads nowhere. It has segregated cycle lanes, double yellow lines and speed limit signs, as well as zebra crossings with zig-zag markings that absolutely nobody yet needs. Ahead the road terminates at a set of temporary barriers, behind which is a forest of cranes and a workforce doing stuff with diggers. It's promised that buses will terminate up here from the summer, but in the meantime drivers turn off up a one-way access road and park their vehicles at the top of the slope, before heading back and picking up any school staff or pupils on the way. One day this'll be be a throbbing metropolis, but for now the EL1 is parking up in an amazingly remote location.

I can't begin to tell you how incongruous this transformation looks to someone who remembers how the area used to be. The footpath along the foreshore from Dagenham Dock has long been one of my favourites for its sheer isolation, and the joy of walking half a mile beside the Thames along entirely undeveloped riverbank. Originally the area inland was an expanse of hummocky brownfield, and free-to-roam, but a few years ago it was fenced off, and prolonged dirt-shuffling has finally created a level plateau upon which homes can be built. Footpath 47 still somehow survives around the perimeter of the site, flanking the river with dazzling estuarine views, but is losing its edge somewhat as the excavators encroach.



One day Footpath 47 will be reimagined as a sanitised wetland strip with timber boardwalks and a 'coastal garden'. One day a wall of flats will replace the temporary metal fence, facing out across the river towards lowly lowrise Thamesmead. One day the road beneath the pylons will be diverted and turned into a park, because nobody wants to buy a flat under a string of fizzing cables. One day this empty wasteland will be alive with a brand new community, and one day you might even move out here to raise a family. But to witness the art of placemaking in action, and the genesis of something from absolutely nothing, a double decker bus ride is all it takes.

 Sunday, November 19, 2017

Friday's opening of the new entrance to Bond Street station ticks off a special achievement - it's become only the third step-free tube station inside the loop of the Circle line. This time last year there was only Green Park, but two Crossrail-related upgrades in 2017 have trebled the total. At Bond Street it takes three lifts to get from street level to the Central line (two downs and an up), but then you can ride the tube to the other end of Oxford Street... which'll be dead useful when it's pedestrianised and all the step-free buses disappear. Learn more about the new entrance (and the labyrinth beyond) from Ian's photos, or from Geoff's video.



Meanwhile, here's my attempt at a chronology of all the wholly step-free tube stations in Zone 1.

YearInside the
Circle line
On the
Circle line
Outside the
Circle line
1999 WestminsterSouthwark
London Bridge
2005  Earl's Court
2010 King's Cross St Pancras 
2011Green ParkBlackfriars 
2012 Farringdon 
2016 Tower HillVauxhall
2017Tottenham Court Road
Bond Street
  
now3 out of 21 = 14%5 out of 27 = 19%4 out of 15 = 27%
2018 Victoria
Barbican
Moorgate
 
2019Knightsbridge  
2020  Nine Elms
Battersea Power Station

This may not seem an impressive list, but most stations in Zone 1 are over 100 years old, and you can't berate the Victorians and Edwardians for their failure to futureproof. Every new tube station built in the last 40 years is step-free (Hatton Cross being the last that wasn't), but we don't build much rail infrastructure in Central London any more, which is one reason why Crossrail will be so transformational.



The next step-free connection will be at Bank, when the new Walbrook entrance to the Waterloo and City line opens next month. Making only one end of a 2-stop line step-free obviously isn't ideal, but every upgrade helps. Let's hope they solve the challenge of how to show the new blob on next month's tube map without making a complete visual mess.

With very little fanfare, indeed no publicity at all, TfL have moved into a brand new office block. What's more, it's the very first office block in Stratford's new business district, the International Quarter. You'd think someone would have shouted louder.



The International Quarter follows the strip of land between the Olympic Park and the Westfield shopping centre. The two towers nearest to the station are residential, but TfL have taken the prime commercial spot, immediately opposite the exit from the shops. It may be quiet outside now, but when the hoardings are removed and the direct route into the Olympic Park reopens, everyone will be walking this way along the promenade, straight past TfL's revolving doors.



Beyond the doors is a spacious atrium with 12 branded roundels on the wall above the reception desk, ordered alphabetically from Air Line to Underground. Turn left to swipe your card through the row of gates - I'm guessing contactless doesn't work here - and then the main lifts and a staircase lie beyond. I haven't been inside the building, you understand, merely walked past the cigarette smokers out front, but glass is a wonderfully transparent medium.



TfL's new address is 5 Endeavour Square, a third administrative hub to match their existing presence down the Jubilee line at Southwark and North Greenwich. Relocated staff visited for an induction look-around in September, started moving in properly last month, and will fill ten floors of office space. The liftshafts form a red-panelled rib down the centre of the building, and a nice touch is that the big numbers on the external stairs are written in Johnston, the official TfL font.



Most of the ground floor is taken up by 50 car parking spaces(!), as well as a creche and a selection of as-yet empty retail units. Pret A Manger and ramen-mongers Tonkotsu will soon be arriving to feed off the captive audience above, and to cater to passing hordes. The top floor features a large rooftop terrace overlooking the Olympic Park, ideal for events and receptions. As for bikes, cycle parking is provided inside on the mezzanine, a cycle hire docking station has been located a few yards towards the Aquatics Centre, and a 2-way cycle lane runs past along the pavement on Westfield Avenue.



And round the back is Balcony Park, a bijou area of stepped grass provided specifically for the residents of Glasshouse Gardens, but within easy relaxation distance for TfL staff. Come slouch on the benches, or shoot some hoops, or take a bounce on the three mini-trampolines. It's also fully publicly accessible, should you ever fancy a break from Westfield shopping, even if no signmakers have gone out of their way to suggest it exists. Likewise I wonder why TfL moving into a massive new office block has gone as yet unreported, especially given the savings and efficiencies they must have realised by doing so.

 Saturday, November 18, 2017

Stratford's post-Olympic zone continues to grow and change. Here are some updates from the southern half of Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park.



Crossrail's new electricity substation is finished, and the towpath alongside the Lea is back to normal. Pedestrians and pedallers had been forced onto a pontoon floating in the Lea for over a year while construction was underway, but that diversion is now over, and the new spiky-topped wall is already so covered in graffiti that it looks like it's been there for ages. Crossrail trains will be whooshing underneath before emerging from the Pudding Mill Lane Portal, and soon. The electrics down to Whitechapel were switched on (at 25000 volts) three days ago, and the tracks connecting the tunnels into the appropriate platforms at Stratford are already in place.



Since September the western side of the Olympic Park has had a school to cater for the surrounding neighbourhood, and for the occupants of flats yet to be built. It's called Bobby Moore Academy in honour of West Ham's greatest footballer, even if the team's illustrious history includes only 15 months playing in the stadium alongside. There are two sites, one primary and one secondary, the former for 400 pupils and the latter for 1000. Thus far only the primary site has opened, but with a cohort of Year 7 pupils who will transfer to the secondary school next year, and only then do the first reception kids turn up.



The primary school is lowrise and has its back to the River Lea, with frontage on the Loop Road, which weaves through what will one day be the neighbourhood of Sweetwater. A lot of potentially valuable building space has been taken up by the school's football pitch, which I guess is essential given who the place is named after. Meanwhile the secondary school is being built just to the south of the stadium, between the West Ham Store and the View Tube, and currently has a crane and numerous builders swarming over it. The site's quite compact, hence the building has six storeys and very little in the way of outside space, unless they open up the community running track alongside for breaktime relief.



The View Tube's view has been compromised somewhat by having a whopping great secondary school built in front of it, and the cafe changed hands earlier in the year. The new lot were from The Common, Bethnal Green, who made the menu a little trendier with an emphasis on sourdough and prices quoted to one decimal place. Passing trade is now somewhat limited, and the presence of three chalkboards and three flappy banners further up the Greenway suggested a certain desperation to egg additional punters inside. Perhaps that's why the owners have just thrown in the towel, leaving landlords Poplar HARCA to try to maintain a counter service over the coming weeks as best they can. Meanwhile the upstairs room has been hired by a small social enterprise, so is now off limits, while the containers out front have become mini studios whose artists (allegedly) open up to sell their wares every Saturday afternoon.



A large area bounded by the Greenway, the railway and the Lea remains empty, immediately to the north of Pudding Mill station. There was a residential furore hereabouts when it was proposed that London's largest concrete and asphalt factory be built on the site, even though that's pretty much what used to be here before the Olympics arrived. More than 12000 people signed a NIMBY-ish petition screaming about the impact of chemical dust and vehicle fumes, so were delighted when the LLDC finally refused planning permission in September. The land is still zoned for industrial use, however, so seems destined to remain a mess of mud and piled-up earth until something less belching is proposed.



The Greenway now has streetlamps along it, from Hackney Wick all the way to East Ham. Planners had originally been vehemently opposed to adding lighting, stating that this sewertop path was never intended as a nighttime connection, but that opinion has evidently changed in an attempt to improve cycling connectivity. Many riders have leapt at the opportunity, but some have been mugged along the less accessible bits, and I personally wouldn't risk any of it on foot after dark.



After the flurry of international events held here in the summer, it's good to see that the temporary barriers surrounding Stadium Island have been taken away and access to the podium and surrounding slopes is (mostly) restored. This means anyone can walk freely all the way around the stadium, admiring the West Ham branding if that's their thing, and gawping up at the never-donging-again Olympic bell. Of the World Cup statue WHFC hoped to bring from Upton Park there is no sign. As for the smartly-branded trucks and trailers parked round the rim which open up on match days, including @streetfoodkitchen, Malt & Barley (est 2008) and the Pulled Pork Co, a bit of Googling suggests their provenance is entirely fictional.



Carpenters Road Lock was reopened in the summer with a special day of festivities. Britain's only lock with double radial gates had been derelict for years, then hidden beneath a spotty walkway during the Olympics, and only now has the fully restored link been revealed. The Canal & River Trust are very proud. It all looks impressive, if perhaps a bit too modern, in its slot below the mirrored bridge. The reopening brings additional connectivity to the canal network, breathing life back into the Bow Back Rivers, although boaters have to give at least seven days advance notice if they want to pass through which must explain why I've never yet seen the counterweights in action.



Olympic Park boat tours are now suspended for the winter, so you won't be able to hop on and take a return trip aboard these former Water Chariots until March. But the fleet of boats is still moored up by the Aquatic Centre, in case anyone fancies private hire, along with the Ware to Hertford waterbus which it seems also overwinters here. Those in search of value for money should be aware that the Ware ride costs £1 less and lasts twice as long, if lacking somewhat in its view of national stadia.



A recent intervention in the Olympic Park has been the re-emergence of those famous magenta signs. They've been used to show the direction of step-free routes, which are often quite convoluted but also very important in a multi-level environment like QEOP.
The swinging bench in the Great British Garden, which had been vandalised and removed, has returned fresh and well. I love that bench.
• The Canal & River Trust has opened up a tiny Welcome Station in the hut beside Old Ford Lock.
The two paths south from the Orbit lawn to Stratford High Street remain closed.
No sign of any daffodils poking through yet.

 Friday, November 17, 2017

TfL's annual fare rise was announced yesterday.

It wasn't announced very loudly, because fare increases are no longer news, because fares are frozen. But not everyone's fares are frozen, so while many people will get away with paying nothing extra from 2nd January 2018, others will be paying over 3% more.

To add a historical context, TfL fare rises were 7% in 2012, 3% in 2014, 2.5% in 2015, 1% in 2016 and 0% in 2017. Next year, in the second year of Sadiq's four year freeze, the official increase is again zero.

Here are some of the newly unchanged fares on the tube and on the buses.

Cost of a single central London tube journey
 2008200920102011201220132014201520162017-20
Oyster£1.50£1.60£1.80£1.90£2.00£2.10£2.20£2.30£2.40£2.40
Cash£4.00£4.00£4.00£4.00£4.30£4.50£4.70£4.80£4.90£4.90

The Zone 1 Oyster tube fare remains at £2.40. That's a 14% increase on five years ago, and a massive 60% increase on ten years ago, which perhaps helps to explain why the fare freeze has so been popular. Meanwhile anyone still paying by cash is forking out twice as much as they would if only they joined the modern world and waved their contactless.

Cost of a tube journey from Green Park to Heathrow
 2008200920102011201220132014201520162017-20
Oyster (peak)£3.50£3.80£4.20£4.50£4.80£5.00£5.00£5.10£5.10£5.10
Oyster (off-peak)£2.00£2.20£2.40£2.70£2.90£3.00£3.00£3.10£3.10£3.10
Cash£4.00£4.00£4.50£5.00£5.30£5.50£5.70£6.00£6.00£6.00

Journeys beyond zone 1 have barely risen in price since 2013, and Sadiq's freeze means the Z1-6 fare rise between 2013 and 2020 will be an amazingly small 10p. Meanwhile all off-peak London tube journeys avoiding zone 1 remain at the rock-bottom fare of £1.50, which is damned good value.

Cost of a single central London bus journey
 2008200920102011201220132014201520162017-20
Oyster90p£1£1.20£1.30£1.35£1.40£1.45£1.50£1.50£1.50
Cash£2£2£2£2.20£2.30£2.40£2.40xxx

The pay-as-you-go bus fare also remains unchanged in January, still £1.50. What's more, "in the first quarter of 2018" the Hopper is being extended to permit unlimited free transfers within an hour of a first paid-for journey. No longer restricted to two buses, the updated Hopper will allow you to catch as many as you like for £1.50, even if you catch a train inbetween. That's cracking news.

So who's losing out?

Fares will still rise on the majority of National Rail suburban services because they're not run by TfL, so the Mayor's freeze doesn't apply. These fares will be rising by inflation, or an average of 3.6%, which is a lot more than the 1.9% they rose last time.

The Mayor's press release is very keen to point out that this 3.6% fare rise is not his fault. Instead the evil Train Operating Companies are to blame, because they want the full whack the government permits so weren't willing to follow Sadiq's example and make a hole in their budgets. The phrase "mandated by the TOCs" appears as many as sixteen times in the text of the Mayoral Decision announcing next year's fares, just in case any journalist might miss the significance. If only Sadiq had shouted this loudly during his election campaign, perhaps voters wouldn't have been quite so surprised when his fare freeze turned out not to be a fare freeze for all.

Rail travellers are amongst those who'll be paying more. From January rail fares within Greater London are to increase by another 10p per journey, while the equivalent tube fares remain the same. For peak journeys between zones 1 and 6, the increase is actually 20p.

Years of differential increases mean rail fares are generally more expensive than tube fares, as this table shows.

Cost of a single train journey (Oyster, 2018)
 Tube
peak
Rail
peak
 Tube
off-peak
Rail
off-peak
Z1-2£2.90£2.90 £2.40£2.40
Z1-3£3.30£3.60 £2.80£2.70
Z1-4£3.90£4.10 £2.80£3.00
Z1-5£4.70£5.20 £3.10£3.40
Z1-6£5.10£6.40 £3.10£4.00

The difference in fares is fairly small in inner London, but rises more steeply towards the outskirts. If you live in zone 6, for example, at peak times it's 25% dearer to travel to central London by rail than the equivalent journey would be by tube. Off-peak from zone 3, oddly, it's 10p cheaper. And for journeys that stay outside zone 1, the differential is even worse. All off-peak tube journeys in zones 2 to 6 cost £1.50 off peak, but equivalent rail journeys cost anywhere from £2.00 to £2.90. While one set of fares remains the same but the other rises, this gap can only widen.

As for Travelcards, these are funded assuming you might travel by tube or you might travel by rail, so if rail fares rise then Travelcard prices have to rise too. Everyone with a Travelcard will end up paying more next year, in the order of 3.6%, be that weekly, monthly or annual. No fare freeze here.

And as for those daily and weekly caps which TfL like to trumpet because they save you money, more bad news. These are directly linked to Travelcard prices, so they're rising too. Individual bus and tube fares might not be rising next year, but the point at which the cap kicks in is being raised, so you could end up paying more anyway.

Rise in the one-day cap
Zones travelledIncrease
Any day's travel venturing into zone 6+50p
Any day's travel within zones 1-5+40p
Any day's travel within zones 1-4+30p
Any day's travel within zones 1-2+20p
Any day's travel solely on buses and trams  +0p

Rise in the weekly cap
Zones travelledIncrease
123456+£2.10
12345+£2.00
1234+£1.70
123+£1.30
12 or 2345 or 3456+£1.10
234 or 345 or 456+90p
23 or 34 or 45 or 56+80p
23456+40p

Totted up over a full year, London commuters who rely on capping could be paying over £100 more in 2018 than they did in 2017. Sadiq's supposed fare freeze is no such thing if you're a regularly-capped traveller.

According to the Mayoral Decision, "continuing the TfL fares freeze will not have an adverse impact on TfL’s ability to run and invest in the transport services that London needs to remain successful." That's rich, given recent cutbacks in bus services and the cancellation of planned rolling stock upgrades. The worst of both worlds, surely, is that millions of Londoners end up paying more, but getting less.

 Thursday, November 16, 2017

Where is London's steepest hill?

That's...
...a hill a car can drive up or down
...officially marked with a road sign
...within Greater London

I think it's Downe Road in Cudham, which I blogged about yesterday.



Having scoured an Ordnance Survey map of the capital, it seems to be the only hill inside the Greater London boundary to be marked with a double chevron.
<< means gradient steeper than 20% (1 in 5)
  < means gradient 14% to 20% (1 in 7 to 1 in 5)
But OS maps only show chevrons on 'important' roads, so triangular warning signs are probably a better indication of a steep hill. Official guidance states that these signs should only be used where the gradient is 10% or more.

Here's my attempt at a list of the steepest roads in London. I've found a 1 in 4, a 1 in 5 and a 1 in 6, each with a sign. Can you help me find some more?

25% (1 in 4)  Downe Road, Cudham (Bromley) [map]



Downe Road careers downhill from Cudham Lane, specifically from the road junction nearest the parish church. It drops sharply to a second junction (with Church Hill) before bending left and heading down the steepest hill in London. A further right-hand bend aids the descent to the valley bottom, the road now narrow enough to make the speed limit of 40mph look somewhat unwise. One of yesterday's commenters, BCW, describes the act of cycling in the opposite direction...
Cycling from Downe to Cudham is 'fun' - a long, winding downhill run into the valley, then lots of uphill, steadily getting steeper up to that killer 1 in 4 section at the end where, if you aren't careful, your front wheel can come off the ground!
Church Hill is also steep enough to merit a chevron on the Ordnance Survey map, but only one, not two. Indeed if you stand above the road junction (pictured above) it's plain to see that Downe Road (right) descends faster than the 'gentler' lane to Berry's Green (left).

20% (1 in 5)  Fox Hill, Crystal Palace (Bromley/Croydon) [map]



This one's not on the Ordnance Survey map because the road is too minor, but Fox Hill is definitely steep because a sign at the bottom says so. It's also a historic track, and was immortalised in oils in 1870 by the French impressionist Camille Pissarro (who was living in Norwood at the time). The road rises gently at first, past some fine Victorian villas and a small recreation ground, before gaining in oomph up a steep, intense climb. Most residents in the houses alongside park facing downwards for an easier getaway. At the top of the 1 in 5 bit is a old parish boundary marker, then Fox Hill peters out at Church Road, atop the heights of Crystal Palace.

17% (1 in 6)  Ena Road, Pollards Hill (Croydon) [map]



Pollards Hill is an actual hill on the boundary of Merton and Croydon, with panoramic views over parts of south London from the park at the summit. Most of the surrounding slopes have been built upon, including a grid of suburban avenues on the northern flank, one of which is Ena Road. Drive in at one end at it doesn't look too bad, but approach via Norbury Cross and a triangular sign warns of a very steep gradient just round the bend. What follows doesn't disappoint, if somewhat innocuous in its setting. White-fronted semi-detached homesteads rise to either side, the gable of one at first floor window height for its neighbour. Within 100 metres you've ascended 17 metre (which should be obvious given how gradients work), and can now gaze back across the vast vista now opened up above the rooftoops below. Beyond a flat summit Ena Road then dips more gently down... but all the finest freewheel/skateboard action must surely be on that western side, so long as you mind the sharp right-hand bend at the bottom!

Other London roads with a confirmed gradient of at least 15%
Plum Lane, Woolwich (20%)
Tormount Road, Plumstead (20%)
Canonbie Road, Forest Hill (18%)
Braeside, Beckenham (17%)
Hartfield Crescent, Hayes Common (17%)
Milestone Road, Crystal Palace (17%)
Spout Hill, Addington (17%)
Vanbrugh Hill, Greenwich (17%)
Waddington Avenue, Old Coulsdon (16%)
Bencombe Road, Purley (15%)
Hartley Hill, Purley (15%)
Granville Park, Blackheath (15%)


Other London roads with a chevron on an Ordnance Survey map
< Jewels Hill AND Saltbox Hill (on the road between New Addington and Biggin Hill) (15%) (15%)
< Polesteeple Hill (between Biggin Hill and Tatsfield) (20%)
< Hangrove Hill (also on the road between Downe and Cudham)
< Church Hill (between Cudham and Berry's Green)
<

Remember, this is an empirical list... so if you can't provide proof (e.g. a chevron on a map, or a snapshot of a sign) then it doesn't count.

Remember, only roads with a triangular sign are eligible... so, for example, Swains Lane past Highgate Cemetery is infamous as a steep climb for cyclists, and has a maximum gradient of 14%, 18% or 20% depending on who you believe, but it doesn't have an official sign at the bottom, so it doesn't count.

Remember, only roads in Greater London are eligible... so, for example Succombs Hill in Warlingham is infamous as a steep climb for cyclists, and has a maximum gradient of 25% according to the sign at the top, but Warlingham's just outside Greater London, so it doesn't count.

Remember, these are official gradients... so, for example, a bike app or GPX file which shows a gradient of 23% may only apply to a very brief section of road, so isn't what a triangular sign would say, so doesn't count.

 Wednesday, November 15, 2017

2 Chislehurst & Sidcup/Orpington
This would have been the largest London borough, had the Herbert Commission had its way, comprising most of what's now Bromley and a bit of Bexley. The chief reason for its size was the extent of Orpington Urban District, which despite its name was mostly countryside, and whose boundaries dragged several villages and tiny hamlets kicking and screaming into Greater London. I've been out to explore three of these, a trio of rural retreats which probably ought to be in Kent, and likely wish they still were.

Three Orpington villages

1) DOWNE

Where? Three miles southwest of Orpington, across the fields from Biggin Hill. [map]
How did it get its name? Probably the old English word "dun", meaning hill. The spelling's changed a lot over the years, and was Down in the 19th century. Allegedly the Royal Mail requested the extra 'e' to avoid confusion with County Down, Northern Ireland.
What's on the village sign? A lime tree, the parish church, the white horse of Kent (because residents won't let it go) and a bearded man who changed the world.
How to get there? The 146 hourly from Bromley, or the R8 every 90 minutes from Orpington (or most likely drive).



What's the village like? Quiet, and sprawled, but with a central focus at the road junction by the church. Many of the houses are on the large side, but there are also several cottages, plus some more modern infill safely tucked out of sight of the richer residents. Country lanes hereabouts are narrow, and the farmland often paddocky. A few years ago the government proposed making the local area a World Heritage Site, for historical environmental reasons, but the idea remains on UNESCO's tentative list.
Population? A few hundred.
What's the big news? Fast broadband has arrived for those on the 01689 exchange. The willow tree in the pond has been removed after taking a battering in a summer storm. Nigel Andrews won the Apple Day bake-off.



Church? That'll be St Mary's, which retains one 13th century window and a 16th century steeple. A sundial on the flint tower is dedicated to Charles Darwin, long-term resident of the village, along with a somewhat passive-aggressive comment that he's buried in Westminster Abbey rather than here.
Pub? Two pubs, no less. The Queen's Head is named after Elizabeth I, who once came to the village to attend a christening. As well as Jackie's range of home made soups, it has four CAMRA-friendly real ales on tap. The George and Dragon is more half-timbered and hanging-baskety, again with real ales, and Nigel Farage (who lives in nearby Single Street) is supposedly a regular.
Village shop? Heavens no, that's long gone. But there is an Indian restaurant called the Rajdoot of Downe, and also a teashop called The Teashop. Tripadvisor rates the cake over the curry, but residents are probably onto a winner with both.



#1 tourist attraction? Down House, which for 40 years was home to the naturalist and evolutionary mastermind Charles Darwin. He moved here because of the botanic variety of the surrounding chalk grassland, and would take daily strolls amid this 'natural laboratory' to test his theories. His house is now owned by English Heritage, and is very much worth a look round (but it's weekends only in winter, and some of the rooms are closed, so now's not the best time to come).
#2 tourist attraction? Christmas Tree Farm, which as well as being a non-drop Nordman Fir distributor is also a favourite menagerie for those with small children. Meet the llamas and the "quite naughty" goats, feed the donkeys and maybe get licked by the cows, all before washing your hands and tucking in at the tea room. The farm has a low-key hands-on charm, but OMG the website looks like a jiggery-pokery relic from 15 years ago.
#3 tourist attraction? Downe Bank, the first nature reserve to be purchased by Kent Wildlife Trust, on account of it being Charles Darwin's favourite place to study. He was particularly interested in the abundance of orchids, so named one section of the slope Orchis Bank, and these flowers inspired a seminal treatise on pollination. Today's visitors are restricted to a single steep-stepped path dipping across the dry valley, which opens out only at Orchis Bank itself, where a handful of sheep graze to keep the habitat in check. I've pencilled in to return in summer, and/or in spring for the bluebells, as part of a more in-depth exploration of the area.

2) CUDHAM

Where? Four miles south of Orpington, two miles east of Biggin Hill. [map]
How did it get its name? It was Cowdham at the time of the Norman Conquest, and has since been Codeham and Coldham before settling on Cudham.
What's on the village sign? The church, the pub, the Domesday book (because the village is proud of its age) and some hilly rural bumps. Erected at the millennium, alas the sign had to be taken down in the summer as its tiles kept falling off, and is now awaiting repair.
How to get there? The R10 every 150 minutes from Orpington (or most likely drive).



What's the village like? A motley collection of mostly 19th century houses, with no particular focus, spread out along Cudham Lane facing a steep escarpment. Some of the cottages are a delight, others a bit more municipal. The footpath is intermittent. A lot of people live in (or behind) what used to be Cudham Hall, previously an engineering college, since converted into plush apartments. A large mid-village sports ground is the home of Cudham Wyse cricket club and Cudham United Football Club.
Population: A couple of hundred in the village centre, a few hundred more scattered across the parish in numerous hamlets.
What's the big news? The Christmas Tree Festival launches on 24th November. Pine Media are making a hash of the broadband upgrade. Sarah Elston's Zumba demo at the Cudham Fete went down a treat.



Church? That'll be St Peter and St Paul, which is of 11th century origin, and sits at the highest point hereabouts. Two of the yew trees in the churchyard are believed to be around 1500 years old, suggesting that the site has a much longer history. Repairs to the top of the steeple are currently being actioned via a very long ladder resting across the clockface.
Pub? The Blacksmith's Arms is an archetypal country pub, whitefaced and stepped, and dates back to 1628. Originally a farm building, then a smithy, the owner started selling ale in 1729. Outdoor options include tables out front or the beer garden out back ("Please do not pour drinks on flowers as it kills them"), the latter ideally located for cricket ground refreshment. Nigel Farage is again known to be a regular, and this may be why in 2014 the kitchen started serving a 'UKIP pie'.
Village shop? Heavens no. If you want bread or milk, or anything, best drive to Biggin Hill. But you can get your car serviced, or your MOT sorted, at Humphreys garage.



#1 tourist attraction? The Blacksmith's Arms was the childhood home of Harry Relph, better known as music hall star Little Tich. Born in 1867 with an additional finger on each hand, he stopped growing taller at the age of 10, and eventually worked his way up the showbiz ladder from local curiosity to theatrical impressionist. One of the first visual comedians to be captured on film, his most famous act involved dancing on the tips of 28-inch boots. A small exhibition of Little Tich memorabilia can be found inside the pub.
#2 tourist attraction? The Cudham Circular Walk is a 7.5 mile waymarked trail across ideal walking country, and takes in Downe and High Elms - leaflet here.
#3 tourist attraction? If you fancy giving your car's brakes a good tryout, or want to cycle down a really sharp incline, the lane down the escarpment from Cudham Lane may be the steepest hill in Greater London. Church Hill looks bad enough, but the sign at the top of Downe Road warns of a 25% gradient (or 1 in 4 in old money) which is quite some descent.

3) PRATTS BOTTOM

Where? Two miles southeast of Orpington, just south of Chelsfield. [map]
How did it get its name? With a name like that, good question... but it turns out to be nothing smutty. Stephen Prat was a 14th century landowner, and the village is low-lying at the foot of a hill.
What's on the village sign? The coat of arms of the Diocese of Rochester, propped up by two white horses (they took leaving Kent really badly here), plus a squat building I think must be the local tollgate cottage (which was demolished in the 1930s).
How to get there? The R5 every 150 minutes from Orpington, or walk a mile to Knockholt station (or most likely drive - the busy A21 road passes through the valley at the foot of the village).



What's the village like? The original village nestles around a triangular common, overlooked by a converted oast house, the pub and the village hall. To the south are some fine weatherboarded cottages and a nautical-themed playground, before the road up Rushmore Hill disappears into a leafy tunnel. Much suburban infill has taken place, most notably the avenues squeezed up onto the escarpment, some of which are lucky/unlucky enough to be in Kent rather than London. Villagey ambience is almost entirely absent along the arterial Sevenoaks Road.
Population? A couple of thousand.
What's the big news? The Christmas tree on the green is already up, with a warning to council staff not to strim underneath for fear of chopping the fairy lights. High on the agenda at the recent AGM of the Pratts Bottom Residents Association was "the dreadful bus service". The next Model Railway Show in the Village Hall is on the weekend of 13th/14th January, but the date for the village panto is not yet set.



Church? That'll be All Souls, a simple chapel-like affair built when the population grew rapidly at the end of the 19th century. Accessed up a steep footpath, the bench out front has fine views over undulating arable fields.
Pub? The Bull's Head (or The Bulls Head, depending) has stood on its current site for roughly 400 years, a short trot uphill from the Sevenoaks Road. Dick Turpin is said to have drunk here, and to have crept in and out via a secret tunnel, but dozens of pubs across the country claim much the same thing. Having survived a spell as a wine bar, then a down-at-heel dive, these days it's a pleasant all-round hub with an open fire for addled overwintering.
Village shop? The Rushmore Store on the main street reopened last year, selling newspapers, groceries and sandwiches, but appears to have succumbed to market pressures and is now very much blinds-down. I suspect the Spar minimart at the Esso garage on the main road sealed its doom. But if it's something more specialist you're after, try the parade across the road. World of Sewing is rammed with craft fabrics, sewing machines and haberdashery, and the nice ladies within will happily demonstrate their overlockers. The next niche retailer is The Christian Bookshop, then a Chinese takeaway, then The Kitchen Doctor offering made-to-measure worktop upgrades, but the intermediate off-licence has alas long since bottled up.



#1 tourist attraction? Other than standing in front of the village sign for a grinning selfie, nothing. But that's no reason to never visit...

 Tuesday, November 14, 2017

The big new viral thing in the world of social media is the World Cup Of.

Richard Osman kicked it off, with his World Cup of Chocolate and World Cup of Biscuits and World Cup of Crisps and most recently a book called The World Cup of Everything.

More recently there's been a World Cup of Cathedrals (won by Lincoln), Geoff has been running the World Cup of lines on the Tube Map (the final is today), Martin is running a Victoria Line World Cup (seeded into four pots) and there's also a World Cup of Zone 1 Stations (currently in its early rounds).

Not to be left behind, I'm excited to be launching several World Cups of my own on this blog. The first knockout matches in each competition are listed below. Simply make your choice and click to vote in each battle, and the current result will pop up on the screen. I'm sure the associated social media buzz will launch me into the media stratosphere, and along the way we'll discover what the UK definitely thinks!

WORLD CUP OF SUPERMARKETS
Budgens  Co-Op


WORLD CUP OF DAYS OF THE YEAR
February 23rd  October 17th


WORLD CUP OF DULUX PAINT COLOURS
Jasmine Shimmer  Dusted Fondant


WORLD CUP OF UK MOTORWAYS
M48  M275


WORLD CUP OF SHEEP
Texel  North Country Cheviot


WORLD CUP OF ELEMENTS
rhenium  krypton


WORLD CUP OF TARTANS
MacFarlane  McInally


WORLD CUP OF SIMPSONS CHARACTERS
Milhouse Van Houten  Edna Krabappel


WORLD CUP OF ANGEL DELIGHT
Banana  Butterscotch


WORLD CUP OF PAPER SIZES
A4  Foolscap


WORLD CUP OF SUBWAY TOPPINGS
Jalapeños  Monterey Jack


WORLD CUP OF BLUE PETER PRESENTERS
Diane-Louise  Barney


WORLD CUP OF BREXITS
Red, White and Blue Brexit  Cliff Edge Brexit


WORLD CUP OF EMOJIS
😍  😂


WORLD CUP OF WORDS
a  aardvark


WORLD CUP OF WORLD CUPS
Mexico 1986  South Africa 2010


Best of all there are precisely 16 World Cups, so at the end of the process I'm going to run an extra four-stage knockout to discover which of these competitions is the British public's favourite World Cup, in the Absolutely Official World Cup of World Cups.

Join me now on the World Cup bandwagon, while it lasts, and let's bring that jumped-up football competition down a notch or two.


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