Sun 1: My Dad hasn't had any answerphone messages for three weeks since BT switched him to Digital Voice, the internet-based phone connection. We tried to work out why this might be, and were surprised/shocked to discover that as part of the package you get transferred to a free BT Voicemail service. The only way to tell you have a message is to notice you have "an interrupted dial tone", i.e. you have to keep checking your phone just in case, then you have to dial 1571. This is inherently ineffective, especially when you're used to just walking into the room and seeing a red light flash. He told BT to turn this ridiculous freebie off which they promptly did, only to discover that 7 people had left a message during the hiatus and he will never ever know what they said. Madness.
Mon 2: Supermarket update: I noticed that 9-packs of Kit-Kats were 'reduced to clear' so bought up several, having guessed what was inevitably coming next. True to form they returned to the shelves as 8-packs of Kit Kats but at the same price - i.e. a miserably cynical 12½% price rise. Shrinkflation strikes again. Tue 3: I stepped onto a train at one of London's least used stations, and I think that was my old boss sitting closest to the doorway but I wasn't sure and he didn't say anything. He didn't have his [Peach] with him otherwise I'd have been certain. We'd only have ended up discussing [Melon] anyway, so no great loss. Wed 4: At the library, Richard Osman's latest novel has finally reached the "there's always a copy on the shelf" stage rather than requiring a reservation. Only took 9 months. It's not as good as the Thursday Murder Club series either, sorry. Thu 5: BestMate'sOtherHalf now has four snakes living in a tank in the bedroom, and today I was proudly shown the skins they've just shed and how two of them aren't eating. Fri 6: While I was out today I thought "I wonder if this is one of the shortest platforms in London" but I wasn't sure how to check and I suspect that's a topic for another day. Sat 7: One of my neighbours decided to have a loud houseparty into the early hours, and I don't think it's a coincidence there was a brief power cut just before midnight.
Sun 8: A bird very nearly walked onto my train in Epping but then walked off, and on some people's social media feeds this is what counts as top content. Mon 9: I've been told that an 11-year-old mains-powered smoke alarm is officially 'beyond its expiry date', despite not having an expiry date printed on it, and I beg to differ. Tue 10: Around lunchtime this blog received its 14 millionth visitor. And just 10½ months since the 13 millionth visitor, which'll be the fastest million yet, which is lovely. Thanks a million Wed 11: Amongst the slew of absolutetosh written about the so-called Strawberry Moon, yes it may be the lowest full moon in 19 years but that doesn't make it worth going out to look at. Every full moon reaches this height in the sky, every single one, before rising a bit higher. Even the BBC joined the insane urging to view this 'rare phenomenon', which it absolutely wasn't, and please could news desks employ folk with a basic understanding of science?
Thu 12: The album from my nephew's wedding dropped today, not a luxury keepsake book but a scrollable online collection with over 1000 downloadable images. Everyone looks happy, beaming and natural, apart from the 30 shots I appear in which look entirely unlifelike... oh god, this is what getting inexorably older feels like. Fri 13: I finally finished last Christmas's chocolate-based presents which I've been eating one chunk at a time since the start of the year. I'm not sure they'd have survived the upcoming heatwaves anyway. Sat 14: I was on the Liberty line between Romford and Upminster when two inspectors boarded the train and checked everyone's tickets. So yes TfL are taking fare dodging seriously, but there must be far more productive places to check. Sun 15: One of my childhood homes is up for sale, much-extended, at a shocking price. My jaw dropped looking at the photos in the brochure (the new kitchen island is bigger than our kitchen) and wept looking at the garden (everything ripped out in favour of a tiered "low-maintenance entertainment space"). Mon 16: If you have a 60+ Oyster card I can confirm there are only two stations within the zone of validity where the card doesn't open the ticket gates. They are a) Shenfield and b) Cheshunt. Both are run by Greater Anglia, whose staff will happily wave you through the gate if you ask, but no other train company is as cynical.
Tue 17: As part of London Rivers Week they opened up the Clerks' Well in Clerkenwell to public view. It was only for three hours one Tuesday afternoon but scores of people visited the tiny vestibule to look down into history, and I hope the nice folk at IslingtonMuseum have taken the hint and will do this more often. Wed 18: The bus stop at Seething Wells in Surbiton has a roundel flag and five tiles underneath, all of them non-TfL services, and I wondered if this is unique inside London. Thu 19: The new episode of Poetry Please, in which Roger McGough interviews Antony Szmierek, is the most delightful Radio 4/Radio 6Music cultural collision. Antony's going far. Fri 20: Eighteen months ago I started my quest to spot all the numberplate letter pairs from AA to YY. I'm delighted to say I've now spotted 518 out of 519, having finally seen UE on a black Toyota passing Bromley-by-Bow station. That just leaves UV and then I'm done, although based on experimental evidence the odds aren't looking good for a swift conclusion.
Sat 21: Upminster's former pitch and putt was sold off by the council in 2021 and is now Kings Green, "a collection of exquisite detached homes set within a private community" where you can "step into a realm of opulence", and it seems that even when we do build on golf courses we waste the opportunity. Sun 22: They showed Saltburn on BBC1 this evening, the much-hyped jawdropping film previously only available on Amazon Prime. Why subscribe at £8.99 a month when all you have to do is wait 18 months and watch for nothing? Mon 23: I checked out the Dangleway's glass-floored cabins on their first morning of public operation, and ...empty. Tue 24: I think I saw Emma Thompson this afternoon, crossing City Island near the English National Ballet. You don't get many Dames in Canning Town.
Wed 25: The shanty town under the Bow Flyover has been removed. I saw three ominous trucks parked alongside yesterday and now the entire rickety shelter has vanished, even the barbecue annexe in the middle of the roundabout. I'm amazed it lasted four months. Thu 26: According to the latest ONS data the population of Tower Hamlets is projected to increase by 20.4% between 2022 and 2032, the fastest increase in England. If true it'll then be the 4th most populous borough in London, up from 10th in 2021, up from 17th in 2011, up from 23rd in 2001, up from 28th in 1991. Bottom 5 to top 5 in four decades flat. Fri 27: I said last week that the intrusive building site at Stroudley Walk might lead to the premature demise of a local business and today coffee shop Posted threw in the towel. Officially they're 'hitting the pause button' until everything's 'looking fresh and fabulous again', but that could be ages and fingers crossed they return. Sat 28: The Atlantic World Gallery in the National Maritime Museum is being upgraded to show more stories of oppression, resistance, trauma and joy, rather than just a spin round the slave trade, and now ends with a 'reflective space' with books and beanbags. Sun 29: I love Glastonbury weekend, the huge slew of artists on TV for free without having to camp in a field and pee in a plastic loo. I watched the full sets by Supergrass, The 1975, Scissor Sisters, Pulp, The Prodigy, Ezra Collective, Rod Stewart, Self Esteem, Gary Numan, Lewis Capaldi, Caribou, Franz Ferdinand, Olivia Rodrigo, Loyle Carner, English Teacher, Charlie xcx, Four Tet and Kae Tempest, and quite a lot of Wet Leg, Japanese Breakfast and Black Country New Road. Roll on 2027.
Mon 30: Yesterday's post, 'A Nice Walk', was actually about the Western Loop of the Jubilee Walkway. Paragraph 1 was Leicester Square, P2 was Trafalgar Square, P3 was St James's Park, P4 was Parliament Square, P5-7 were the South Bank from Lambeth Bridge to the Tate Modern, P8 was St Paul's/Fleet Street, P9 was Lincoln's Inn Fields and P10 was Covent Garden. It is a very nice walk.
Sometimes you just want to go for a nice walk, nothing too taxing, leafy shade, river valleys, wildlife-adjacent, pretty views, a bit of heritage, a bit of a stroll, won't take all day. So here's a scenic loop some distance from the centre of London, not excessively arduous but a nice walk all the same.
The start of the walk should be marked by an information panel but it's gone missing, typically, even though I search all over. I cross the grass in case they've moved it and even check the other side of the flowerbed, dodging the bloke asleep on a bench, but all trace is alas gone. There is still time to top up on refreshments before setting off should you have come unprepared, although I don't recommend getting sweets from the corner shop. Start your watch, we should be back here within three hours.
The walk starts in a southwesterly direction down a narrower track between two buildings, noticeably downhill, past a gentleman wielding a leaky hose. I spy the first official waymarker confirming I'm on the right track, although a number of those ahead have been stolen so I'll need to keep my wits about me. Just as I enter the first large open space the bells of the local parish church ring out, just as they have for centuries, it being Sunday morning. Those two ponds look a funny colour although at least they still have water in. The tree-lined descent continues to a brief road crossing where I pass a man in a Linkin Park t-shirt with an illegible 6-letter word tattooed down his leg. The section through a temporary building site is somewhat awkward for its lack of pavement but beyond is a traffic-free bridleway (with no current evidence of horses) and a high ivy-covered wall watched over by CCTV.
Ahead is one of the finest green spaces on the walk, several acres with a full right to roam, although our designated path sticks to one side. I spy ducks, geese and swans, also five birds with larger bills, and take care to dodge occasional fallen branches. Someone's put a lot of effort into their cottage garden with hollyhocks and sunflowers all ablaze, also pristine vegetable beds boasting runner beans, rhubarb and marrows. Mind the nettles beside the path. Now that's unfortunate - an old red phonebox with a jammed door and a broken glass pane through which has been posted an ugly pile of bottles and other litter. A waymarker atop a pole confirms I'm on the right track but also exudes an air of local irrelevance, also the map at its foot has faded since Neville installed it.
Another parish church intrudes, easily overlooked, as the clock on the tower ticks round to ten past ten. In its churchyard all the horse chestnut blossom has fallen, the dandelions easily outnumber the gravestones and the poppies shine. I make progress beside a privet hedge towards the green where cones of purple buddleia boldly announce the arrival of summer. In a nigh-empty playground a small child is discovering the eternal joy of a roundabout to spin on. And eventually we reach a narrowed bridge, still with Covid 'keep your distance' stickers on the tarmac, for a teetering crossing over a local stream. Upstream a small brown dog is splashing in the water while its owners look on, hoping to stay dry in the inevitable fur-shake. We'll be following these banks for a while, more or less, because nothing beats a good river walk.
Full steam ahead past plants with spiky fronds, also a squat conifer where bees hunt nectar deep in its bright pink flowers. I wouldn't have known that tree was a Mediterranean oak if it didn't have a plaque underneath. A family cycles by with what looks like a picnic scattered across their collective baskets. Occasionally there are raised benches to sit on, generally empty, but also an abandoned pushchair and what looks like a septic tank so best walk on. Someone's written "Big Dave Foxcroft - LEGEND" on the wall, also "Wilma is one of a kind" - she gets two mentions. For wildlife watchers a lone seagull sits on a post, a crow swoops off with a beakful of something, a butterfly emerges fom the undergrowth and the lamps have a patina of spider's web. Across the stream is a large house with a long terrace, and what sounds like an alarm blaring non-stop.
It's a hot day to be out walking and one ginger lad has brought two bottles just in case, one flavoured and fizzy, one still. We're approaching a potential refreshment stop where the chief draw appears to be how much sugar they can squirt in your coffee. Keep your eye open and you may spot a dozen horses, also a donkey. This section of the walk is blessed with fine gardens flowering with some kind of large daisy, also something purple and heatherish, also deep holly but no barbecues please. The water's edge is littered with half-bricks and half-pipes, meanwhile the water ripples with occasional twigs and bottles. A phone mast is visible in a gap between the rooftops on the horizon. My favourite passing t-shirt is 'Made In The North, Forged In Gravy', just ahead of 'Catzilla Ate My Hamster'.
A dog scampers by, thankfully dry. Someone's left a Linda Robson novel on a table, also some Danielle Steeles and a Dandy Annual. The graffiti on the concrete uprights mentions KEOS, SLATT, TAR and various other names the taggers clearly didn't want anyone else to read. It's been a while since I saw a waymarker, maybe a couple of miles, but now thankfully they reappear. Someone's painted their shed pink, someone else blue. I spy pawprints in the sand, also a young woman on her knees digging with a trowel. Ahead the tree cover finally breaks and opens out into oppressive sunshine, a shock to the system but also offering views of spires and towers well over a mile away. A sign warns 'Wild Flowers - Do Not Strim'. Ahead is a yellowing field with silver birches along three sides, then it's time to cross back across the water with a fine panorama downstream towards distant hills and three ducks bobbing briefly beneath the bridge.
The path broadens on the far side as it approaches a quiet road with a seemingly-unnecessary pedestrian crossing. The subsequent climb looks like it's approaching another churchyard but bears left prematurely past a cluster of Christmas trees to skirt the back door of the building instead. Spring's flowers may have faded but the hanging baskets here are a persistent riot of colour as the path drops gently into a separate river valley. Don't expect to see any water this time, not in the current climate, but the contours in the dip remain unmistakeable. The pub by the crossroads offers a choice of proper roast or Vegan Wellington. The largest open space is of course pencilled in for commercial development, even out here. It is indeed a properly scenic spot but the majority of Londoners live nowhere nearby.
The final ascent passes a wall-mounted sundial and a Grade II listed building before ducking again beneath tree cover and encountering an ancient parish boundary stone. Around noon a Lancaster bomber flies over and the landlady of the local pub walks out and asks me what all that was about, which because I read the Ian Visits blog I am fortuitously able to tell her. The path weaves more contortedly now, eventually entering a large field with holly hedges, shady oaks and group of friends enjoying a summer picnic. On the far side I pass a man dressed as a monk, also two sturdy men in Iron Maiden t-shirts, before crossing the busiest road on the walk so far. The whiff of sewage is intermittently apparent, also an outburst of shrubbery, also an ambulance sadly on call. Three agricultural carts have been repurposed and topped with potted plants which I consider to be very pleasant.
Threading onwards passers-by now outnumber trees and hedgesparrows are less common. I have to hand it to the walk's creators, I don't think I've been down this alleyway before despite coming mighty close, although I don't like how it smells of wee. Initially I miss the penultimate alley because the waymarkers have failed again, or maybe I just wasn't looking carefully enough. On the final approach a lemon has made a bolt for freedom, also I swear those sunflowers are fake. And on returning to my starting point I see someone's now arranged a rows of deckchairs across the grass where I expected the information board would be so how would anyone know a walk starts here? The Queen launched this circuit with such high hopes but I bet I'm the only person to have followed it today, which is a damned shame given the inherent glories of this corner of the capital.
It opened in 2011 with a futuristicflourish and it closed in 2022 after an arson attack over Hallowe'en weekend. Two youths were arrested but nobody's ever been charged. 2½ years later everything's still behind barriers, even the convenience store and the drivers' rest room, while Slough council continues to work things through with their insurers. The two-pronged tail was most badly damaged and needs a lot of repairing and recladding. It is quite frankly a barren mess at the heart of a town which could really do with fewer barren messes.
Monday
This is Beresford Square in Woolwich.
It reopened earlier this month after a multi-million pound revamp, in Greenwich council's preferred style which is 'heavily paved walkthrough with slabby beds'. It's nicer than it was, but that's not saying much. One of the signature features is a fine old cattle trough placed here in the 19th century by the The Metropolitan Drinking Fountain and Cattle Trough Association. It was elegantly unadorned when Murky Depths wrote his review of the place soon after the reopening. Alas the council have since seen fit to plonk a safety notice on it - WARNING Not Drinking Water - slap bang on top of the inscription. It's possible the population of Woolwich are idiots and started lapping at the contents or scooping their water bottles into it, but my money's on the council being joyless risk-averse penpushers.
Tuesday
This is the whiteboard at Bow Road station.
When there's important information to be shown it shows important information. But at other times it's not emblazoned with trite phrases like at some stations, it shows inspirational STEM stuff. We've had equations that solve to give Christmas greetings, we've had geometry puzzles to try to solve in the time it takes to walk past (the answer was 20°) and this week we've got potted biographies of four women in engineering. They're also always beautifully written, as if somebody who works at the station has a smart pen, calligraphy skills and plenty of spare time at five in the morning. I would much rather pass by "This girl can do engineering" than "Look through the rain to see the rainbow", so my thanks to whoever's doing this.
Wednesday
This is Abbey Lane in Stratford.
Specifically it's the point where Abbey Lane passes under the Northern Outfall Sewer, aka the Greenway. In 2020 I traversed my local area in search of Greenwich Meridian markers but never found this one. I knew there were supposed to be three meridian slabs in Newham but only ever found two, one on the High Street and one on Warren Gardens. I looked and looked, even shifted the undergrowth, even took a photo from precisely the same place which revealed nothing. It wasn't visible earlier this year either. But recently someone's been along and scrubbed the dirt, maybe even scraped away some gravel, and now it's on showplain as can be. I feel longitudinally complete.
Thursday
This is Wanstead Flats.
It's so yellow, really yellow, isn't it yellow? It's not the yellowest I've seen it, that was back in the summer of 2018 after there'd been no measurable rain for seven weeks, but it's still been pretty droughty lately. This spring was the driest for 50 years, and would have been considerably drier had it not been for one frontal week at the end of May. Most of the other rain we've had has been from hit and miss storms, which may or may not have hit here. We should see some rain midweek as our current heatwave finally breaks, but long term no substantial wet spells are forecast and it's just going to get more yellow, so yellow, futuristically yellow.
Friday
This is a car park in Uxbridge.
It's the multi-storey spiral ramp at the back of The Pavilions, previously The Cedars as it was called when it opened in 1973. I love a good multi-storey spiral ramp, although that may come down to not having a car and never having to inch very carefully down one. Also I used to live in Watford so I grew up thinking these things werenormal whereas instead only special postwar suburbs were gifted them. Romford's is better, Londonist reckons, whereas J G Ballard once decreed Watford “the mecca of car parks” for its concrete trio and he should know. It's a shame about the Jewsons van parked outside Uxbridge's but maybe that adds a bit of human interest.
Saturday
This is Ocean Court at the National Maritime Museum.
It reopened earlier this month after a year-long closure to allow for "vital refurbishment of the 25-year-old roof". The old roof let in too much sun during the summer and was prone to overheat, apparently, which was a tad careless. The revamped space now has a sprawling map of the oceans on the floor, some fresh abstract patterns round the walls and a cafe with lots of tables waiting to welcome families back. I spent a couple of minutes in the Polar/Attenborough display under The Bridge but mainly it's just a huge unexciting open space, because every museum needs an events-friendly indoor location suitable for a 750-head drinks reception or 580 seated guests.
I wondered whether ChatGPT would be able to come up with a good London quiz, so I asked it for...
A difficult quiz about London (10 questions) where all the questions have seven words or fewer
It offered this.
1. Oldest pub in London?
2. What river runs through central London?
3. Who designed St Paul’s Cathedral?
4. Tube station without any vowels?
5. Where is London’s smallest police station?
6. Name of London’s oldest bookshop?
7. Which London street has no name?
8. Location of the Whispering Gallery?
9. What’s Big Ben actually called?
10. City founded London in 43 AD?
I told it this was a poor, ambiguous quiz and proceeded to pull each question apart.
1. ambiguous - you've given me two answers!
2. ridiculously easy
3. too easy
4. there isn't one
5. that box in Trafalgar Square isn't a police station (and isn't "in a hollowed-out lamp post")
6. -
7. the street between Coventry Street and Leicester Square is called Swiss Court
8. too similar to question 3
9. depends what you believe Big Ben to be
10. makes no sense
It kept offering 'better' questions and I proceeded to pull them apart, indeed I pulled over 40 further suggestions apart.
It really struggled to write a question about old pubs.
1. First London pub with a license? (The Guinea, 1675) ...but the first pub licences were issued in 1552 1. First London pub licences issued when? (1552) ...much too difficult 1. First pub licensed under Elizabeth I? (The Old Bell, Fleet Street) ...no, it was built in 1678 1. Oldest London pub still operating today? (Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese) ...not the oldest 1. Which pub rebuilt after the Great Fire, 1667? (Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese) ...but there were several 1. Which London pub inspired Dickens’s “The Pickwick Papers”? (The George Inn) ...that's eight words 1. Which London pub inspired Dickens’s Pickwick Papers? (The George Inn) ... no it didn't 1. Which London pub has a ghost? (The Ten Bells) ... several pubs claim to have a ghost 1. Which London pub survived the Great Fire? (The Prospect of Whitby) ...several pubs did 1. Which London pub once housed a prison? (The George Inn) ...several pubs did 1. Which London pub claims Shakespeare as patron? (The Bunch of Grapes) ...he died before it was built 1. Which London pub was Charles Dickens’s favourite? (The George Inn) ...we have no idea
That's 12 useless questions before it finally came up with a good one (which I'll show you later). ChatGPT seemed to be bad at turning information into accurate questions, being over-reliant on a single source badly interpreted. It kept apologising for being inherently wrong ("Good point", "My mistake!", "Not unique enough", "That claim is shaky", "You're absolutely right again"). It also seemed to be fixated on the City of London, or sometimes just inner London rather than Greater London.
2. Which hidden river flows beneath Fleet Street? ...the answer's in the question 2. Name London’s lost river beneath streets. ...there are several 2. Which subterranean river crosses Holborn? (River Fleet) ...no it doesn't
4. Tube station with the fewest letters? (Bank) ...no there are two of them 4. Only Tube station with all the vowels? (South Ealing) ...no there are two of them
5. Where was Bow Street Runners headquartered? ...the answer's in the question 5. Oldest surviving police station building location? (Whitechapel Road) ...there is no police station there 5. Where were Bow Street Runners based? ...the answer's in the question, again
On several occasions it failed to notice the answer was in the question. On several occasions it failed to realise the answer wasn't unique. It also presented very false conclusions very convincingly.
After ditching the original question 7 it really struggled to find an alternative about a London street.
7. Only London street name with three L’s? (Pall Mall) ...no there are several, e,g, Whitehall Place 7. What’s London’s only road with no houses? (The Mall) ...no there are several, e,g, Constitution Hill 7. Only London street named after a newspaper? (Fleet Street) ... no it's named after a river 7. Which street hosts the only UK embassy? (Grosvenor Square) ... no there are several 7. Which London road forms a near-perfect semicircle? (Park Crescent) ... no there are several
ChatGPT seemed to have no concept of uniqueness, repeatedly taking a fact about a street and ignoring the fact that other streets might share this property. It was so keen to create an incorrect superlative that it could have been MyLondon. And on it went...
7. Only London street with a traffic light tree? (Canary Wharf) ...that's not a street 7. What London street inspired Monopoly’s design? (The Strand) ... no it didn't 7. Which street houses the Old Bailey court? ...the answer's in the question 7. London’s shortest street — just feet long? (Coulson Street) ...Kirk Street is shorter 7. What is London’s shortest street? (Kirk Street) ...it's not 10 feet long, it's 13m.
I was particularly intrigued when it cited my blog as evidence for the length of Kirk Street.
We really were bashing virtual heads against a virtual wall on the final question.
10. Who founded Roman London (Londinium)? ...the answer's in the question 10. Who conquered Londinium in 43 AD? ...it was founded, not conquered 10. Who established Londinium in 43 AD? ...too easy 10. Who ruled Britain when Londinium founded? ...too easy 10. Which Roman emperor ordered Britain’s invasion? (Claudius) ...but also Julius Caesar 10. Which emperor began permanent Roman Britain? ...not about London 10. Who founded Roman Londinium settlement? ...the answer's in the question 10. Which ancient people founded Londinium? ...too easy 10. Which empire established Londinium in 43 AD? ...just as easy 10. Where is London’s oldest surviving house? (Cloth Fair) ...no it isn't
We eventually came up with a reasonable quiz, but only after a 4000-word conversation and much unnecessary carbon emission.
1. Which pub is London’s oldest coaching inn?
2. Which lost river runs beneath Farringdon?
3. Where is Wren buried in St Paul’s?
4. Only Tube station name with letter 'z'?
5. Location of London’s first organized police force?
6. Name of London’s oldest bookshop?
7. What is London’s narrowest street?
8. Where can you find London’s Time Ball?
9. Which London bridge is a bascule bridge?
10. Where is London’s oldest timber house?
I still don't think it's a great quiz but I believe it has proper answers.
I know a lot of people now turn to AI as their default rather than a search engine, and I would like to ask WHY?!?, because AI too often generates total rubbish. It'll be better one day but we are nowhere near that day yet.
ChatGPT has absolutely no grasp on turning information into facts, so rely on it at your peril.
In Bromley the search perimeter was ready and waiting, Variety Coach 5418 drove down the hill, the man at the water fountain spotted four police cars and told me he hoped several chidren had been hurt ("they're all devils at that school"), the recycling box was full of zero-alcohol wine bottles, a buzzcut man opened a can of £1.29 Black Stripe lager and yelled across the street.
In Croydon two people who knew the buzzcut man yelled back, I read a t-shirt and made a note to look up where the Isola di Mortorio is, the facial specialist had a big fan going, lemon sorbet sundaes were on offer, also Four Boroughs kombucha, a blue J-cloth sat on the bar, apparently JR Was Here!!!!
In Enfield three executives piled into a Merc after loading their luggage into the boot, the car park awaits its future as housing, the florist warns passers-by she has CCTV trained on her outside pots, there's a 12 hour Gin & Rum Festival at Pymmes Mews tomorrow, the exterior of the restaurant is mostly geraniums.
In Harrow two alfresco coffeeshoppers stirred their frappés, the pigeon netting is still holding, Harrow Open Studios continues until Sunday, nobody's taken down the advert promoting the TfL Book Club (£4.99 a month) even though it folded two years ago, the cobblers kiosk has mugs on display for Mothers Day and St Patrick's Day.
In Havering the 375 is still serving Romford station even though the poster outside insists it doesn't, they put a double decker on the route today, nine people boarded at Bus Stop Z so it's just as well it's still running the full route.
In Hillingdon the Lady Marmalade Cafe was full of builders and pensioners, Morrisons is just a shell now, Rose's Fun Fair is up and running on the Common (admission £4 which includes one free ride), two swans floated down the canal, a godbotherer handed out leaflets to two diners on the Gregg's sun terrace, someone had parked an orange McLaren outside the gym.
It took me an hour less than yesterday.
I did not go to Barking and Dagenham, Barnet, Bexley, Brent, Camden, the City, Ealing, Greenwich, Hackney, Hammersmith and Fulham, Haringey, Hounslow, Islington, Kensington and Chelsea, Kingston, Lambeth, Lewisham, Merton, Newham, Redbridge, Richmond, Southwark, Sutton, Waltham Forest, Wandsworth or Westminster.
I also went to Buckinghamshire but I didn't see anything interesting there.
In Barking and Dagenham I thought OK that's quite enough, I should probably go home now.
In Barnet the hotel was still heavily promoting a wedding fair they held in March 2022.
In Bexley I admired the two Empathy Revolution elephants placed there by Elephantman.
In Brent I noted that a Full Leg Wax only costs 50% more than a Half Leg Wax.
In Camden an elderly lady in a floppy floral hat outshone the hollyhocks behind her.
In the City I picked up a copy of The Standard and it was only borderline toxic this week.
In Ealing we pulled up alongside a throbbing blue and yellow Yvonne Bradley.
In Greenwich the Next Train arrow at Abbey Wood switched to point at the wrong train 1 minute before departure.
In Hackney an angry man in a bucket hat ranted until someone gave him a bottle of water.
In Hammersmith and Fulham the American family were not enjoying the mechanical savagery of their UK trip.
In Haringey the three topless sunbathers in the park were vastly outnumbered by nearby pigeons.
In Hounslow I was looking at the lobsters when it started raining.
In Islington the pawnbroker's £/$ exchange rate was given to five decimal places.
In Kensington and Chelsea five chunks of melon had been left on a bench.
In Kingston the surveyor broke off from using his digital level and hid in a storeroom.
In Lambeth I was given a free pack of 'zingy' German wet wipes.
In Lewisham I was surprised by the emergence of four twisty signature ventilation columns.
In Merton the Wimbledon branding is already everywhere but the cycle park is now suspended.
In Newham we finished Squid Game 2 two hours before they released Squid Game 3, annoyingly.
In Redbridge the grass is looking terribly yellow (and the football car park sign is new).
In Richmond all the cakes and pastries had been reduced to £2, somewhat desperately.
In Southwark I realised that if I'd planned this better I could probably have gone to all of them.
In Sutton Fiko supposedly offers a skin fade for €16, and even if it's £16 it's still good value.
In Tower Hamlets I took four books out of the library but they don't have the Stevenson.
In Waltham Forest the ranty vaping woman blamed everyone except herself.
In Wandsworth a man in a blue conical party hat walked past Pizza Village carrying an umbrella.
In Westminster I picked up a copy of City AM magazine and it had four features about luxury watches.
I did not go to Havering again.
I didn't go to Bromley, Croydon, Enfield, Harrow or Hillingdon either.
I also went to Surrey but I didn't see anything interesting there.
The news from Havering (black holes, Schrodinger's bus and thatched rabbits)
The most important roundabout in north Havering has closed to traffic for 12 weeks. It is an almighty constriction.
It's so the ageing Gallows Corner flyover can be strengthened, even made safe for HGVs, safeguarding it for the next 60 years. But this requires sensationally savage road closures because the A12 arterial is already such a barrier that there's essentially no other way to cross from one side to the other. Through traffic is being diverted via the M25, which is miles and miles, and local traffic faces lengthy tortuous detours via insufficient roads increasingly choked with cars. From the south it makes a trip to the mega-Tesco basically unattainable and from the north it makes a quick nip into Romford most unwise.
The only traffic permitted through the junction is public transport (and taxis and emergency vehicles) so the smart way across is by bus, but routes have reduced frequencies and anything trying to get through has to wait at temporary traffic lights (a 3-way junction with an approximate four-minute cycle time). I watched a suspicious number of vehicles trying to get through anyway, then struggling to reverse when they discovered their exit was blocked, blocking everyone else. Pedestrians can still cross but it's poorly signed, and basically stay the hell away unless you live here, in which case my deepest summer commiserations.
A highly unexpected casualty of the Gallows Corner closure is the 375, one of London's least frequent buses which normally pootles out of Romford to serve the village of Havering-atte-Bower. For the duration of the closure it will instead terminate at Chase Cross, i.e. the urban 3 miles will be chopped off and only the rural lunge into Essex will remain. This is particularly rubbish for residents of H-a-B because it means their only bus won't even reach some shops, let alone a station, the intention being that they switch to/from the 175 to complete their journey.
What makes this worse is this is the 375 only runs every 90 minutes. Previously you could wait in central Romford at the prescribed time and be sure of catching the 375 but now you have to catch a different earlier bus and keep your fingers crossed it reaches Chase Cross in time else you're stuffed for an hour and a half. It's almost no longer worth the risk. What also makes this worse is that the 375 goes nowhere near Gallows Corner, neither does it follow any of the prescribed potentially busy diversion routes. Someone's just decided the traffic might be terrible so best not risk delays on a route operated by a single vehicle throughout the day. And what makes this even worse is that the 375 is sticking to its 90 minute frequency despite the shortened journey now only taking 15 minutes out and 15 minutes back, hence the driver can expect to sit around at Chase Cross for an hour doing bugger all.
I went to ride this embarrassment of a stunted bus yesterday. A huge poster outside Romford Station warned potential passengers that the 375 wouldn't be stopping anywhere near here until September... so it was a bit of a surprise when a 375 rolled in at the bus stop opposite and disgorged several passengers. It was even more of a surprise when the supposedly non-existent bus reappeared and took a dozen of us out of central Romford. We passed at least six bus stops with a yellow poster claiming the bus we were on wasn't running, then drove straight past the stop where the journey had been due to start. I rode the bus all the way into Essex, way out beyond Stapleford Abbotts almost to the M25, and at Passingford Bridge the driver swung round and took a growing cargo of passengers all the way back to central Romford again. So is the 375 buggered or not?
• According to TfL's bespoke Gallows Corner webpage, the 375 definitely isn't serving Romford.
• According to TfL's Bus Changes webpage, the 375 is not mentioned so must be running normally.
• According to a poster outside Romford station, the 375 won't be back until September.
• According to the Countdown display it's due in 3 minutes.
• According to the 375 webpage and various apps, all's normal.
• According to every ounce of pre-publicity, Chase Cross only.
So which is it, and could someone please fix the wrong half soon-ish?
One of Havering's oldest buildings has just been restored, not a moment too soon, by a public body intent on carving up the borough.
That building is Upminster Tithe Barn, built in the mid 15th century on the orders of the Abbot of Waltham Abbey. At 44m it's not quite as long as Harmondsworth's but it is believed to be London's oldest thatched building. It was also in an increasingly poor state, so much so that it was added to Historic England's Heritage At Risk list in 2023, and with its damaged timbers and leaky roof could simply have decayed away. Financial rescue came from a most unlikely place, namely National Highways who contributed £650,000 towards full restoration. A team of master thatchers and other craftspeople started in January and were done by June, and the resulting finish does indeed look splendid.
11,000 bundles of water reed were used to rethatch the roof and it looks properly crisp, like a recently barbered cut. Up top are a particularly striking pair of thatched hares named Willow and Hunter by local schoolchildren, added as a final decorative flourish. Three lightning conductors have been added in the hope that the new fire alarms will never be needed. The intention is to retain the barn for public use, indeed the superbly quirky Museum of Nostalgia is due to be back inside and offering Open Days again next year. As yet nobody's found the cash to install toilets, and if you go along today all you'll see is a smart locked building beside a dusty car park, but this fine survivor is indeed back on the map.
The reason National Highways paid for this, it turns out, is because the money is associated with the Lower Thames Crossing. This is the new road tunnel between Essex and Kent which will scythe off through fields around North Ockendon and help declog the QE2 Bridge, and which was given the financial go-ahead just last week. Grants from the Lower Thames Crossing Designated Funds have been offered to over 50 community projects including Purfleet Heritage Centre, a local Scout Group, a bike skills area in Gravesend and Thurrock LGBTQ+ Network. It may seem perverse to be donating cash allocated to road building to rethatch a barn nowhere near the proposed dual carriageway, indeed a cynic might suggest National Highways are only doing this to take some of the eco-heat out of their hugely controversial tunnel project. But wouldn't it be nice to be able to drive under Gravesend Reach, and aren't those boxing hares superb?
Thank you for the emails you've been sending.
Here are eight messages I've received this year.
Tom emailed on 16th January.
✉ Not sure if you have come across the National Archives’ 2023 competition on stories from 1920s streets, but it seems completely in your zone. The only thing that would have made this article better would have been on-the-ground reporting from East Dulwich.
The opening line of the article in question is "Bertie Sheldrake was a South London pickle manufacturer who converted to Islam and became king of a far-flung Islamic republic before returning to London and settling back into obscurity." I also enjoyed one of the other winning reports about three ladies working in Trewins department store in Watford in the 1920s, obviously.
Martin emailed on 7th February.
✉ I don't know if you've been to Paddington lately, but they've got a particularly irritating electronic sign which hectors you to use the lifts if you have luggage, buggies, or other large items.
Indeed they have.
It repeatedly flashes STOP! and a voice announces "Please use the lift with your large items", in case you can't read "Please use the lift with your large items". This is in addition to four large arrowed signs saying Lift, a sign urging customers with luggage or pushchairs to use the lift "for your own safety", pictograms with crossed out bags and buggies saying 'Use lifts', and a row of metal posts across the top of the escalators to repel large suitcases. You sense official exasperation that passengers can't follow simple rules, but also a tacit admittance that access to the station has been badly designed. Also there are only two lifts so the more people they push towards them the even-busier they get, and who wouldn't lumber onto the escalators for a brief descent rather than waste minutes waiting to cram into an insufficiently large lift. Alas nobody can retro-engineer their way out of this mess, so we may be stuck with nannying signs for some time.
Emma emailed on 6th March.
✉ Hi Diamond Geezer, I was just wondering, what are your thoughts on the redevelopment of the Orpington Walnuts centre?
I said it looked exceptionally generic, that no way were they 'Creating Character', and what's normal for inner London would feel very out of place in the centre of Orpington (a tower block especially so).
David emailed on 29th March.
✉ The musician Jah Wobble, former bass player with Public Image Limited, has just released an album called "The North London Line (Mildmay)" which muses on the history and culture of locations along the line. It's a mixture of spoken poetry and (mostly) electronica and dub and I think it's fantastic. Can be streamed free via bandcamp.com.
I also like his previous album "The Bus Routes of South London", best listened to on headphones from the front seat top deck. My favourite track is "The 35 towards Clapham Junction".
Karol also emailed on 29th March.
✉ This week I came across an interesting discrepancy between two maps on the same H&C line train (photos attached). Do you have any insight on how these walking distances are measured - is it station entrance to station entrance, platform to platform or something else? Could there be a reason they vary here, beyond simple carelessness (perhaps crow flies vs distance walked on streets)? Have you ever tried to measure the distances yourself?
I checked and it really is the case, the two line diagrams in the same train carriage really do give different distances from Tower Hill. On the Circle line map Tower Gateway is 150m and Fenchurch Street is 100m, and on the District line map Tower Gateway is 130m and Fenchurch Street is 160m. And yet the two lines use the same platform and passengers emerge through the same gateline! The Fenchurch Street difference is quite big so it can't be a rounding thing. How did this ever slip through?
I did some checks against a couple of relevant FoI requests. In 2023 someone asked for a copy of all the car line diagrams on the tube, and TfL provided a zip file which shows exactly what Karol photographed here - two maps with different measurements. Last month someone asked again, seeking updated maps now the Overground lines have different names and a fresh zip file was provided. The new District Line map says it's 150m to Tower Gateway and Fenchurch Street is 100m - the anomaly has been removed.
However line diagrams in tube trains have yet to be updated to show the new Overground names - the final step in the rebrand won't be completed until there's an operational need to replace them because TfL don't have the money. Hence the anomaly has been updated but the maps haven't, hence there are still line maps with mismatched distances rattling round the network. Also I measured it and you definitely can't get from Tower Hill to Fenchurch Street in 100m, more like 130m, perhaps 160m, it all depends precisely where you measure from and to.
Tom emailed on 23rd April.
✉ I have been wanting to walk/run through the Rotherhithe Tunnel for some time. I recall you blogged about doing so but didn’t recommend due to the fumes. Do you happen to know if it is open to pedestrians during the London Marathon (when it is closed to cars)?
We decided it wasn't, although there was no obvious reason why it couldn't be on Marathon day. I still don't recommend walking through it on any other day, even though you can.
JK messaged on 21st June.
✉ This morning I walked along the interesting perimeter footpath on the east side of Biggin Hill Airport which made me wonder if this is the longest unbroken public right of way in London?
This is an excellent question and very much something I'd be interested in. The perimeter footpath on the east side of Biggin Hill Airport goes a heck of a long way without meeting any other footpath, by my calculations about 2.9km, or nearly two miles. Does any London right of way go further without any means of escape?
The footpath round the outside of Hampton Court Park is 4.3km long, but there is a break point where you can slip into the park so it doesn't count. The Thames Path round the back of the Thamesmead void is only 1.8km, but feels much longer. The longest stretch of Grand Union towpath I can find is 1.9km. In which case I think the longest unbroken right of way in London is the Thames Path round Coldharbour Point, beyond Rainham, part of the last desolate leg of the London Loop, at 3.0km. Unless anyone knows better?
Basil emailed on 23rd June.
✉ While painted maps mounted at the entrance to council estates are ten a penny, Wellsmoor Gardens has a fantastic relief map mounted as a weird sculpture. I thought of you as soon as I saw it.
It is absolutely cracking, and although I've seen it before I've never blogged about it, which I am absolutely putting right today. It stands at the entrance to a leafy cluster of mid-60s cul-de-sacs, all flowered greens and separate garages, not far from Chislehurst station. And it's recently been restored to its shimmering best by the Heritage of London Trust in honour of its creator FHK Henrion, the father of corporate branding. You might want to scrutinise the legend on the adjacent plaque, or read this lovely post about the re-unveiling, or check out some of his London Transport posters, or just go to Bickley and admire.
Yesterday TfL launched a consultation proposing an extension of the DLR to Thamesmead. And not just "we think it would be a good idea to extend the DLR to Thamesmead" because they did that consultation last year. This is the proper full-on version including where the stations should be, the alignment of the tunnel, how often the trains should run, what needs a viaduct, how to avoid underground hazards, where to turn back additional services and how best to support loads of housing. This is where the project gets real, the point at which you can stand in a car park and say "one day there may be a station precisely here". So that's what I've done.
This DLR extension would be an additional 1½ mile spur bearing off near the end of the Beckton branch. The first new stop would be at Beckton Riverside, which is housing developer brandspeak for "the middle of the former Beckton Gasworks". The second and final stop would be in Thamesmead, a huge 1960s estate that still doesn't have a station because every subsequent administration has failed it. Between the two stations would be a 1.3km tunnel, potentially the DLR's third Thames crossing. Trains would run at least every 10 minutes direct to Custom House and Canning Town for onward connections. And it'd improve accessibility sufficiently for 25,000 homes to be built at each location, which is the sole reason anyone's thinking of building it.
If you're thinking "I would have extended the Overground from Barking Riverside, surely that would have been better?" you are very much behind the curve. Last year's consultation pointed out that this would be more expensive, less direct and more infrequent, thus worse in every way, and this is why TfL employs experts rather than opinionated armchair moaners.
This is the Gallions Reach Shopping Park, a car-focused collection of retail sheds opened in 2003. Specifically it's Armada Way, the sole access road that loops through this once godforsaken space. Specifically it's opposite the Tesco garage by the junction where buses turn off to deposit potential shoppers in the middle of a car park. And specifically it's a grassy ridge alongside the main road - part open lawn, part occupied by scrubby trees - close to where severalgasholders used to be. Here workers occasionally sit for a coffee or a smoke amid a mown selection of small yellow flowers, prevented from edging further by a spiky metal fence. Given current weather conditions I might best describe it as a dry hump. And yet if all goes to plan this yellowing stripe will become the location of a ground-level step-free station serving tens of thousands of newbuild homes, not just Next and Sports Direct.
The artist's impression is extraordinary, suggesting a forest of flats across what's long been contaminated post-industrial wasteland. It says a lot for London's desperate need for housing that former gasworks are now firmly on the development agenda, having previously been deemed far too awkward and expensive to remediate. The flats stretch all the way down to a sanitised riverside and also, notably, entirely replace the existing shopping centre. At present the land just south of the station site is securely sealed with notices on the railings warning of "multiple hazards", thus safe only for storing vehicles, but that becomes residential too. The only thing that doesn't get swept away is the 28 acre DLR depot, recently extended, because it would be self-defeating for a transport enhancement project to eat itself.
The consultation reveals that five different potential station locations were considered, two of them mid-car-park so now discounted, one too close to the DLR depot to be economically viable and one too near the river to permit a safe tunnel gradient. The selected 'Option 3' isn't without its downsides, not least that the grassy hump I mentioned earlier in fact covers a high pressure gas pipeline, hence the flurry of red and yellow warning signage along its length. But one day this scant verge could be the heart of a high-density high-vernacular neighbourhood, abuzz with opportunity, and all just eight stops from Canning Town.
This is the Cannon Retail Park, an outer corner of Thamesmead's shopping sprawl. The majority of the space is car park, and well used because the lack of a station means a lot of people round here drive. A row of five warehouse units runs along the far side, only two of which are currently occupied but both still relatively busy. And in the corner closest to the roundabout is a drive-thru KFC, a squat functional block offering 11 herbs and spices and a £1.79 Milkybar Raspberry Ripple Sundae. All of this would disappear in order to make way for the terminus, because never underestimate the ability of a transport planner to identify a patch of land as a potential worksite and then eradicate it entirely.
One end of the station would be in the far corner where Next and Pets At Home used to be. Given nobody's taken down the closure signs since 2021 I doubt anybody would mourn their demolition. By contrast B&M only opened last year and Puregym last month so they'll be less pleased to hear they're destined to become two platforms in zone 4. One of the two station options had the buffers coincide with McDonalds but that idea's been abandoned to cause less disruption and now they'll land bang on top of KFC instead. The plan also involves putting the station on a raised viaduct, partly to increase pedestrian permeability but also because (apparently) it'd make the line easier to extend in the future should a pie-in-the-sky line into Bexley ever get off the ground.
The elevated station also protects the Twin Tumps, a pair of moated bunkers once used to safely store ammunition. Thamesmead is riddled with tumps, some since transformed into compact watery parklets, but these two are out of sight out of mind. The intention is to make them the focus of a new transport nexus with the DLR gliding between the two like some kind of futuristic green utopia, then open up the untouched landfill marshland beyond. A ridiculously large wedge of Thamesmead has gone undeveloped over the last few decades, in part for lack of transport but mainly because it's been safeguarded for the Thames Gateway Bridge. Boris scrapped this in 2008 so TfL are dead keen to remove unnecessary planning protection and drive through a railway and tens of thousands of homes instead, and you can see their point.
Two distant stations could also be affected by the extension, and all because the Beckton/Thamesmead branch would eventually need more trains so both termini could be served at a reasonable frequency. The DLR thus needs a 'turnback' location so that these extra services don't need to run all the way into central London and clog up the existing network. TfL identified eight potential sites for an additional siding or platform, six of which were swiftly proven to be impractical. The two that remain in the running are at Royal Victoria and Canning Town, as pictured here.
Royal Victoria already has a surplus track from the time when Silverlink trains ran this way, and it would be cheap and easy to repurpose this for a third platform allowing reversing trains to terminate here. However from a practical point of view it's very much suboptimal, turfing off passengers one stop before Canning Town, so a Canning Town turnback is likely to be preferred instead. This would squeeze into the neck of a meander on Bow Creek, just past the station, where an unsafe footbridge currently crosses the tracks. Demolishing this would allow a fractional widening with a reversing siding in the centre, although space is tight and the local pedestrian promenade could be adversely affected. Watch this space.
It's only a consultation at this stage, contingent on the government eventually stumping up funding to support their growth agenda. If all goes to plan there could be spades in the ground by the end of the decade with services commencing "in the early 2030s". But we've all been here before so we know it might never happen, indeed London is brimming with potential stations planned in depth which never saw the light of day. The Bakerloo and Metropolitan line extensions once looked likely, ditto Surrey Canal Road and Beam Park, but remain out of reach due to lack of cash. But sometimes it all comes together, like that time in 2012 I stood in a Sainsbury's car park and noted that it could one day become Nine Elms station. Perhaps a humpy grass verge and a KFC drive-thru will one day become the outer reaches of the DLR, in which case best read the fine detail in the consultation so you won't appear ignorant when it finally arrives.
Ten years ago I visited (and blogged about) London's most extreme bus stops - that's the most northerly, easterly, southerly and westerly bus stops inside the Greater London boundary. But TfL's reach spreads wider than that so today I'm going one better, to the most northerly, easterly, southerly and westerly bus stops served by a TfL bus.
The northernmost TfL bus stop: Potters Bar Railway Station(stop C)
[route served: 298] [county: Herts] [streetview: EN6 1AU] [map] [photo]
Until 2017 TfL's northernmost bus stop was at the end of a godforsaken industrial estate in Potters Bar where most of the businesses tinkered with cars. Then accountants finally saw the flaw in sending 83 buses a day to a worksite beyond the London boundary and cut back the 298 permanently to Potters Bar station, its previous weekend terminus. And that's why TfL's northernmost bus stop is now outside a hefty redbrick Sainsbury's beside a parcel collection locker, somewhere eminently more sensible.
The station forecourt feels very much like the heart of Potters Bar, a key commuter portal amid the main parade of shops. Residents flood in to catch a train, to slump with an alfresco coffee, to avail themselves of the supermarket or to troop through to the well hidden Post Office. Four bus stops are located around the short forecourt loop, two used only by non-London services and two where TfL still stop. The northernmost of these is Stop C, the northern terminus of the 298, which is also the only stop without a shelter because you can simply hide beneath the rim of Sainsbury's if it starts to rain. It also means there's no proper bus stop, only a Herts-issue metal flag bolted to the brickwork. The timetable underneath confirms that Stop C is used exclusively by route 298... except on Sundays when the 242 pulls up just five times in case anyone wants to go to Welham Green. Modern, busy and wholly unimpressive, that's TfL's northernmost bus stop.
• Of all the four compass point bus stops this is the only one to be used by buses in both directions - it's both the last stop on route 298 and the first.
• TfL's second most northerly bus stop is stop D, used exclusively by the 313, one of the most scenic double decker rides in the capital.
• The 298 runs to Arnos Grove and has been operated by Uno, a Hatfield-based company, since Sullivan Buses threw in the towel last summer.
• Technically TfL has a more northerly bus stop quarter of a mile away at Laurel Avenue. However it's only served by school route 699 and this blog has always taken the editorial line that school routes don't count. Also it's the penultimate stop and no Dame Alice Owen's pupil is going get on or off here, two minutes before the school gate.
The easternmost TfL bus stop: High Street (Brentwood)(stop A)
[route served: 498] [county: Essex] [streetview: CM14 4RG] [map] [photo]
Before 2005 TfL's easternmost bus stop was at Lakeside, then came the launch of route 498 and a connection into Essex proper, not just Thurrock. Brentwood is only marginally further east but for the purposes of today's post that totally counts, hence I've journeyed to a well-to-do market town rather than a brazen temple to consumerism. The stop we seek is at the far end of the High Street, one of a cluster of six lettered from A to G (goodness knows where D went), specifically A.
Brentwood still has a pretty decent high street including a Marks & Spencer and several banks, although the anchor tenant in the shopping centre is Poundland so not everything's economically rosy. It also has two Greggs, one of which is immediately alongside Bus Stop A, as is a hugely more enticing Rossi's ice cream parlour. The three eastbound bus stops are diagonally indented with long glass shelters providing plenty of space to sit. However nobody ever waits here to catch the 498 because this is the penultimate stop and the terminus outside Sainsbury's is only 200m round the corner. One of the other bus routes goes not much further to the hospital, but the 81 to Shenfield and the 351 to Chelmsford are more substantial jaunts. If only the Romford-bound 498 called at 'E' outside KFC that would be London's easternmost bus stop, but by choice it picks up at 'F' outside Halifax so 'A' wins out instead. Shady, prosperous and cornet-adjacent, that's TfL's easternmost bus stop.
• This is the only 'extreme' bus stop not to be the bus route's starting point.
• Route 498 wasn't stopping here at the weekend because of a partial roundabout closure at M25 junction 28. Instead we went on a five mile(!) detour up the A12, which I think the driver secretly enjoyed, before creeping back to Sainsbury's through Shenfield. Scheduled diversions are rarely so extreme.
• When I visited in April a council operative was up a ladder beside the bus stop adding a VE Day 80 sign to the lamppost. Fair enough, but when I went back again on Saturday it was still there, as were all the others across the town centre and I can't decide if that's because of laziness or pride.
• Yet again a TfL school bus ventures further than standard bus services, in this case the 608 to Shenfield High School. Again it's the penultimate stop but in this case the terminus is a full 1½km further east making it TfL's easternmost bus stop by a country mile.
The southernmost TfL bus stop: Dorking Townfield Court(stop S)
[route served: 465] [county: Surrey] [streetview: RH4 2JE] [map] [photo]
A few London buses stretch ridiculously far into Surrey because the county council supports them, and one of those long penetrating fingers is the 465. It crosses the Greater London boundary at Malden Rushett and then continues for another ten miles through Leatherhead and the North Downs to Dorking. And not just Dorking town centre but a tad further on at the farthest tip of the inner loop road where, when it's time to return, almost nobody is waiting to catch it.
Dorking's lovely, a couple of notches above even Brentwood, as you can see from the calibre of the shops and cultural goodies down its High Street. But by the time you reach the end of South Street things have calmed down somewhat with a service centre, wine merchant and Topps Tiles the chief draws. Any final passengers are turfed off just before The Queens Head where the driver waits until the appointed time before nudging 50m further south to Townfield Court. This is a gated 1990s development built on the site of Dorking Bus Garage, one of whose residents has to put up with a glass shelter just outside their flat window. Adjacent houses are rather older and more characterful. Bus Stop S is highlighted in Surrey green with an extended flag that conceals a departures screen on the other side. Other routes serving the stop include the 21 to Epsom, the 22 from Crawley and the 93 from Horsham, and it says a lot for TfL services that the half-hourly 465 is by far the most frequent of the lot. Far-flung, stockbrokerish and almost pleasant, that's TfL's southernmost bus stop.
• TfL's southernmost bus stop is 32 miles south of its northernmost bus stop, because it felt like that was the kind of statistic you'd want.
• It's completely coincidental, but I like how TfL's southernmost bus stop has an S on it.
• Yes, Dorking is further south than Redhill and the National Trust car park at Chartwell the 246 extends to on summer Sundays, I checked.
• I haven't included the once-a-year TfL bus stop outside Warminster station in my calculations, because Imberbus is not a regular TfL service, but amazingly it's only 1½ miles further south so barely any distance at all.
• Vlogger Joe Dan Hirst filmed a bus journey from TfL's southernmost bus stop to its northernmost bus stop last week, in case you want to see what Townfield Court really looks like (and the school bus stop in Potters Bar he went to instead).
The westernmost TfL bus stop: Queensmere Centre (Slough)(stop PQ)
[route served: 81] [county: Berks] [streetview: SL1 1DH] [map] [photo]
The 81 has been running from Hounslow to Slough since before I was born, long providing London Transport's westernmost extent. This time we're heading 6 miles past the Greater London boundary, all the way through Colnbrook and Langley to terminate beside the whopping Tesco by Slough station. But that's not quite as far west as the first stop on the return trip which is just round the corner in the actual High Street, from which those seeking to escape Slough repeatedly flee.
The stop is named after the Queensmere Shopping Centre, Slough's first retail mall which opened in 1973. A main entrance was close by but has recently been closed off as has over half the sprawling complex. The rest has become depressingly empty and lowbrow, so much so that its multi-storey car park closed forever last night for simply not being up to scratch. I was thus unsurprised to discover that Queensmere was sold off to residential developer Berkeley in April with plans to demolish the lot and build 1600 homes. Any shops Slough feels it still needs will decant to the neighbouring Observatory, a smaller 1990s mall, and I suspect John Betjeman would be simultaneously thrilled to see the current mess knocked down and appalled by the upthrust that'll replace it.
Bus Stop PQ boasts a four-bench-long shelter, a leftover from when rather more routes stopped here, but these days it's only the 81. It is thus the only extreme bus stop to be served by a single route and also, alas, the only one without a timetable. There is an electronic display screen but on my visit it was showing all the wrong times because the TfL/Slough interface is decidedly poor. A bus gate restricts access to this one-way street so there's a proper pedestrianised feel, but also three betting shops and a pawnbroker in the parade behind because Slough is neither Brentwood nor Dorking. Shabby, down-at-heel and inaccurate, that's TfL's westernmost bus stop.
• This is the only 'extreme' bus stop to have a red roundel flag.
• TfL's westernmost bus stop is 39 miles west of its easternmost bus stop, which is 7 miles more than the north-south divide.
• Both the westernmost and easternmost TfL bus stops are served by a route 81, and what are the chances of that?
• I have only been to two of these extreme bus stops this weekend, and three in the last week, because a post like this takes careful planning.
• There is no need to follow in my footsteps, but if you are tempted best go east/south rather than north/west.
