diamond geezer is having a competition and you need to be part of it. Oh wow! Free stuff! Chance of winning! Take part now, and a super prize could be yours!
Actually that's rubbish. It's not really a competition, it's a cunning piece of stealth marketing. But I need you to believe there's something in this for you, because then you'll participate and spread the word about diamond geezer even further. So long as you don't realise I'm exploiting you, the only true winner is me.
But sssh, don't think about that for now. Just feast your eyes on my special prize and imagine it in your sweaty hand. You so want it, don't you? It cost me almost nothing, but it's so exclusive I know I'll create excitement simply by offering to release it. Such a lovely shiny gorgeous prize. And now you're hooked, aren't you? Concentrate on the potential freebie, and I'll get you to prostitute yourself while you're not thinking straight.
To win my fantastic prize, all you have to do is follow me on Twitter. Go on, that's easy isn't it? Press the little button, what harm could it do? Follow me on Twitter now, right now, before you stop and think about the consequences. My tweets may look innocent enough at the moment, but I intend to start dripfeeding promotional material just as soon as you're all on board. Shameless self-marketing and relentless low-level advertising, it's coming soon to infect your lifestream. And all because you signed up for a competition you had no realistic chance of winning. I thank you.
To win my fantastic prize, all you have to do is follow me on Twitter and retweet my competition tweet. Go on, you've done the first part already, and the second's not difficult. Find the tiny retweet symbol and click it, just the once - you'll barely feel a thing. And if that sounds like too much hassle I've made it even simpler by creating this special Tweet to Win button. If you're the sort of muppet who'll click anything on the internet, click this.
It's such a small price to pay, at least for you. It's different for your followers, sadly, all of whom will suddenly see my special promotional tweet in the midst of their online conversation. They'll probably curse, rightly assuming that you're a consumer whore who'll shamelessly retweet anything a marketing presence requests. But I'm hoping they'll believe it's a proper competition too, not an advert, and blindly click and retweet in just the same way that you did. It's such a simple way for me to spread a viral message across the face of social media land. All I need is for you to be dumb enough to start the ball rolling, and hey presto the infection is underway.
To win my fantastic prize, all you have to do is follow me on Twitter and retweet my competition tweet and like me on Facebook. Go on, please go to my corporate page and like me on Facebook now. Click on the cutesy thumbsup symbol and I promise to enter you in my prize draw free of charge. And then you're mine. Because "Like" doesn't really mean "like", it means "please sign me up for promotional messages from this organisation for the foreseeable future". I'm like a vampire knocking at your door. I can't cross your threshold until you invite me in, but once you do you'll be ensnared at an insidiously deeper level. Your wall is now my messageboard, and I can feed you promotional updates from now until forever. I bet I end up liking this arrangement more than you.
So come on sheep, please sleepwalk into my prizewinning trap. Your clicks won't win you anything, however optimistic your intent. You'll simply become a broadcaster of my advertorial, and the true prize is your social media attention.