London's Christmas lights are particularly disappointing this year.
The Oxford Street Christmas Lights
Well these are rubbish. They're exactly the same globes we've seen several years in a row, going all the way back to 2013, showing no imagination whatsoever. What's more they've already been up for a month, because Oxford Street loves premature decoration, indeed they're due to be in place for over 25% of the year. Worse, look, they're not even lit up. In the middle of the day the sun never reaches this east/west street so the globes are basically wasted. I understand that some limited overnight illumination started with a grand switch-on last Tuesday, but what use is that for daytime shopping?
"The nation’s favourite high street has been lit up for the festive season, celebrating the start of Christmas with the BIGGEST ever shopping party!"
The Bond Street Christmas Lights
Well these are rubbish. They're exactly the same peacock feathers we've seen several years in a row, going all the way back to 2014, showing no imagination whatsoever. You'd expect the poshest shopping street in London to have the cash for something new, surely. Worse, look, they're not even lit up. The display's really sparse, so the feathers are basically wasted. I understand that some limited overnight illumination started with a grand switch-on last Thursday, but what use is that for daytime shopping?
"Home to some of the world’s most prestigious retailers, Bond Street remains a much-loved destination for celebrities, socialites and the international jet set."
The Covent Garden Christmas Lights
Well these are rubbish. They're exactly the same baubles with mistletoe we've seen several years in a row, going all the way back to 2015, showing no imagination whatsoever. Surely everyone who was ever intending to snap these on Instagram has already done so, several times over. Worse, look, they're not even lit up. It's all ridiculously over the top, so the baubles and mistletoe are basically wasted. I understand that some limited overnight illumination will be starting with a grand switch-on tonight, but what use is that for daytime shopping?
"The area boasts a unique blend of global and independent brands curated to satisfy every shopping need in London."
The Regent Street Christmas Lights
Well these are rubbish. They're exactly the same angels we've seen three years in a row, going all the way back to 2016, showing no imagination whatsoever. Does nobody have any money for annual replacements any more? Worse, look, they're not even lit up. They look like badly-hung fishing nets, and are pretty much invisible in bright sunshine, so the angels are basically wasted. I understand that some limited overnight illumination will be starting with a grand switch-on on Thursday, but what use is that for daytime shopping?
"Experience Regent Street, London's distinctive home of fashion, dining, wellness and lifestyle."
The Northbank Christmas Lights
Well these are rubbish. Nobody wants to see Christmas lights with a Business Improvement District's brand plastered all over them, let alone a BID pretending that the Strand is in fact the non-existent Northbank. On the plus side these are fresh lights this year, replacing last year's tired bowler hats and dangly lightstrings, but the new design shows even less imagination than the old. Worse, look, they're not even lit up... it only looks that way because the sun is glinting off them. I understand that some limited overnight illumination will be starting with a grand switch-on tomorrow, but what use is that for daytime shopping?
"The Northbank is increasingly a hub of opportunities with an ambitious programme of initiatives to complement the Northbank’s cultural, entertainment and corporate assets."
The Seven Dials Christmas Lights
Well these are rubbish. I mean, look, they're not even all in place yet. Nobody wants to go Christmas shopping and find trucks and barriers and men on elevated platforms in the middle of a snowflake display. On the plus side these are fresh lights this year, replacing last year's lacklustre ribbons and presents, but the new design shows even less imagination than the old. The flapping silver strips that make up the snowflakes look better suited to a primary school assembly hall. Worse, look, they're not even lit up. I understand that some limited overnight illumination will be starting with a grand switch-on on Thursday, but what use is that for daytime shopping?
"Bringing you seven streets of independent boutiques, heritage brands, indulgent beauty and grooming salons alongside luxury hotels and more."
The Carnaby Street Christmas Lights
Well these are rubbish. Stringing the lyrics of Bohemian Rhapsody across the street isn't even festive, for heaven's sake, and shows no imagination whatsoever. Admittedly Bohemian Rhapsody was the Christmas number 1 in 1975 and 1991, but nobody ever thinks 'Christmas' when they hear the opening chords. Oddly, these were officially launched last month because it was deemed more important to plug a new film than to celebrate Christmas at the right time. Worse, look, they're not even lit up. I understand that some limited overnight illumination started two weeks ago, but what use is that for daytime shopping?
"Welcome to Carnaby, one of the most unique shopping and dining areas in London - your go-to destination."
