diamond geezer

 Thursday, March 12, 2020

April in London has some pretty amazing things in store. Spring has officially landed, Easter is just around the corner and warm, sunny weather is on the way. So now is the ideal time to book ahead for all sorts of exciting events across the capital, then look forward to them for a few weeks before the dawning realisation that they're all going to be cancelled. Book now, stay at home later.

April 1-30 - Harry Potter and the Cursed Child (Parts 1 and 2): The first official Harry Potter story to be presented on stage brings together some of the most exciting talent working in the theatre today. Tickets are rare as hen's teeth under normal circumstances, which these are not. Currently booking to 24 January 2021, although quite frankly next winter is likely to be far worse virus-wise, so maybe don't put your money down just yet.
...or, when cancelled, stay at home and watch all the films repeated on ITV2.

April 2-5 - London Coffee Festival: Prepare for a serious caffeine buzz at this universe of all things coffee shop-related, with barista competitions, workshops, coffee cocktails, live music, tastings and numerous delicious java treats. Oh hang on, they've already got cold feet and kicked the festival into July instead.
...or, now cancelled, stay at home and get the Nescafé out of the back of the cupboard.

April 7 - James Blunt at the Royal Albert Hall: Musical icon James Blunt is heading out on tour in support of his upcoming sixth studio album Once Upon A Mind, each ticket a significant investment, despite affording you a tiny view of the singer from somewhere in the gods. You'd never turn up if you had a sneezy cough, obviously, but the lady who's bought the seat behind you might not be so self-disciplined.
...or, when cancelled, self-isolate at home and hope your own sneezy cough isn't anything serious.

April 10 - Flight from Heathrow: Join the crowds heading off for a long-promised Easter break, hopefully to a country that's still mostly virus-free, praying that they don't introduce an emergency quarantine lockdown while you're over there trapping you in a hotel room you can't fly home from.
...or, when cancelled, stay at home and check the small print of your cancellation policy.

April 12 - Easter Sunday at The Ritz: Enjoy the ultimate silver service afternoon tea at London's most prestigious restaurant, which it bloody well ought to be at that price, but grandma wanted to go. Hopefully she'll still be well enough, although the signs aren't looking good to be honest.
...or, when cancelled, stay at home and try to grab one of Ocado's increasingly rare delivery slots.

April 14 - Minor Operation: You've been on the waiting list for this for months and, although it's a relatively straight-forward procedure, it promises to transform your life very much for the better almost overnight. Keep the date circled in your diary in the increasingly vain hope that hard-pressed medical staff won't have hundreds of more important patients on their wards.
...or, when cancelled, endure stoically, as before.

April 18 - FA Cup Semi Final: Guarantee your seat to one of the biggest games in the football calendar by booking now, even though you don't know who's playing yet, because you were only ever going to spend most of your time in hospitality necking liquid refreshment.
...or, when played behind closed doors, watch on the sofa with the last of your stash of alcohol.

April 18 - St George's Day: Trafalgar Square will be turning red and white in honour of England’s national day and our patron saint St George. Nothing'll stop us turning up in large numbers to chant 'oi oi Georgey boy!' and raisng a pint to Blighty, not even dead bodies piled up nearby in temporary morgues, because what do the experts know?
...or, if cancelled, turn up anyway because rules only apply to other people.

April 20 - Back to School: It's been lovely having the kids at home, but now you can go back to work safe in the knowledge that a bunch of teachers will be childminding them for the next six weeks, even if work does now mean sitting in the spare room on a ropey wi-fi connection trying to hold a teleconference with Dev in Romford and Jenny in Hemel Hempstead.
...or, when the Easter holidays are extended indefinitely, plonk them down in front of CBBC and lock the door.

From 25 April - Bags (Inside Out): The V&A has put together a collection of more than 300 items charting how the once-humble bag has evolved into a status symbol and the ultimate style accessory, with examples from names such as Louis Vuitton and Birkin. Come cram into a crowded space with like-minded strangers using your timed ticket.
...or, when cancelled, stay at home and wonder when your bin bags are going to be collected.

April 26 - David and Sara's Wedding: The invites went out last summer, the bridesmaids' dresses look stunning, the reception venue has taken a non-refundable deposit, everyone's taken time out of their busy schedules to attend, the honeymoon's somewhere idyllic in the Far East and the whole day promises to be magically unforgettable.
...or, when cancelled, sob.

April 27 - London Marathon: The race is on and the 40th London Marathon is nearly upon us! Join cheering crowds and fancy dress fundraisers at the world-famous race covering 26.2 miles, perhaps plumping for a stormtrooper costume or all-over bodysuit this year.
...or, when cancelled, stay at home and check the latest government mitigation protocols on the hourly news.

April 30 - Any event you might have been planning, put money down for, invested time in, bought tickets for, prepared for in advance or been looking forward to: No, sorry. Extraordinary times.

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