It's been a tough eight weeks, especially for those who rely on London's premier cablecar for their cross-river travel.
So it's fantastic news that services on the Dangleway restarted at 7am yesterday morning, once again providing regular travellers with the ideal isolation experience. Now any Londoner can make their daily travel just that little bit safer, so long as they live nearby and need to make an essential journey to somewhere just across the water.
The Dangleway's sponsored aerial pods are the perfect environment for risk-free travel. Step inside, let the doors close behind you and leave your health concerns behind as you swoop above the Thames in your own private cocoon. Important: Do not touch any of the surfaces as previous occupants may have been unclean.
To make use of the restored Dangleway service, simply make your way to North Greenwich or that dead bit of waterfront beside the Royal Victoria Dock. Please do not queue for a ticket, because that would mean giving our furloughed staff something to do. Instead walk up to the barrier, wave your contactless card and prepare for lift off.
If crowds are heavy expect to have to queue while maintaining a 2 metre distance from other passengers at all times. However experience suggests overcrowding is not normally an issue, especially now that families from the Home Counties are unable to make a special visit, so expect to reach the departure zone in seconds flat.
Given the national requirement to maintain social distancing, the capacity of the wider transport network is hugely constrained. However, unlike the tube where only 15 per cent of normal passenger numbers can be carried, we are 100% confident that even reduced Dangleway capacity will be more than enough to meet demand.
In excellent news, all solo passengers and household groups are to be given their own private cabin for the duration of their flight. Previously the Private Cabin Experience was only guaranteed on payment of a £60 fee, but coronavirus allows us to offer this unique privilege to all.
The Dangleway remains the ideal vantage point from which to view the building sites of North Greenwich, the towers of Woolwich and the scrapyards of Silvertown. Given that you're unlikely to be getting on a plane any time soon, this glorious panorama may be the only aerial view you'll be seeing for quite some time.
A Dangleway journey remains the best way to visit various South London attractions including the Emirates Aviation Experience, which is closed, the O2, which is closed, and the Cutty Sark, which is closed. The Thames Barrier remains open.
Across London's transport network, only TfL Rail and the Dangleway are now running at 100% of normal service. Given that nobody wants to go to Heathrow any more, or ever wanted to go to Romford, the Dangleway is the sole mode of travel offering a full and essential service.
Hand sanitiser dispensers have been installed at Dangleway Terminal North and Dangleway Terminal South, just as they have at tube stations and tram stops across the capital. Please squirt yourself before and after your ride in the sky, as part of the 'new normal' of public transport etiquette going forward. Masks are neither useful nor technically necessary, but we urge you to wear one anyway.
Please come back and ride the Dangleway very soon. Annual passenger numbers have been in decline since 2012, and were on course for another record low in 2020 even before lockdown intervened. We need you and, rather than cramming aboard a horribly unhygienic train, we're thrilled to say you now need us.
Previously a white elephant carrying mostly nobody.
Now, unexpectedly, the only safe way to travel.