Today's the day that England's pubs finally reopen. But not all pubs, because many aren't ready yet and others don't have enough room for efficient social distancing anyway. So I thought I'd go on a safari to the 10 pubs closest to my home to see if they're opening, when they're opening and how much outdoor space they've got. I don't think it's too much of a spoiler to say that E3's pubs aren't well blessed with spacious beer gardens.
Is it opening? Looks like it. The windows are full of signs about social distancing, posters about extra hand sanitiser stations and reminders that the contactless limit is now £45. A blue plastic square has been stuck on the pavement just outside the door saying Queue Here. The only genuinely useful signage, however, is the laminated arrow advising punters to use the side door for takeaways. When's it opening? Good question. Nothing on the exterior of the pub provides any help whatsoever. The pub's website remains convinced the place is closed. Only if you go to the Bow Bells Facebook page do you discover it's opening today, 4th July. How much outdoor space? Six tables out front, awkwardly close to the pavement and to each other. Basically, the same as normal. I would have no confidence whatsoever sitting out here (and it's not clear anyone will be allowed to).
Is it opening? Looks like it. The pub's windows are unusually clean, the lights are on again and I could see rolls of red and white striped sticky tape stacked up on the bar. When's it opening? Good question. I would assume today, but there's nothing in the windows to confirm this, and the chalkboard outside still displays the time of the last Sky-screened football match. Of course it'll reopen - this place has been doing dodgy Saturday night lockdowns behind closed shutters for years - but because the pub has zero social media presence I can't say when for sure. How much outdoor space? A medium-sized garden out back (alas only accessible by walking through the saloon).
Is it opening? Looks like it. The biggest clue was the truck from the Wingtip Brewing Company parked up outside to deliver some barrels. You don't get fresh beers all the way from Ashurst in West Sussex unless you're expecting to sell some. When's it opening? Good question. Again there are absolutely no clues on the exterior of the building, which is turning out to be a bit of a theme here. Instead you need to resort to Twitter or to the pub's website to discover it's opening today, 4th July. "We kindly ask all customers to arrive wearing a face mask." "Individual lockable unisex toilet cubicles will be in operation for all guests." "Your contact details will be kept on file for 21 days and then destroyed," Sounds fun. How much outdoor space? The 'pretty beer terrace' out front is very narrow so doesn't support table service, sorry.
Is it opening? No. The windows are covered with black plastic sheeting, the only signs in the window apologise for closure in March and the website merely says "our beer garden is taking shape, and we have loads of fun stuff planned for it during the winter." Don't turn up any time soon.
Is it opening? I don't think so. The exterior's nicely spruced up, but all the chalkboards are rubbed clean and no informative signage is visible. When's it opening? According to Facebook they're hoping to host their next gig on 21st August, but that may be optimistic. How much outdoor space? A few tables out front and a large smokers' snug out back with leather sofas. But as a pub that thrives on live music, indoors, these may not be enough to bring The Beehive back to life.
Is it opening? No. The chairs in the Wellington Lounge are stacked upside-down on the tables. All the pink-potted plants have wilted. A handwritten sign stuck to the door says Nothing Valuable Left On Site. The staff left so quickly that March's menu is still pinned up outside. When's it opening? The problem with being owned by a pub company, in this case Antic, is that you have to wait until management tell you you can open. This weekend twelve larger Antic pubs have been given priority, so when Sam and the team say "It’s been a real shit without you" it's easy to share their pain. How much outdoor space? A scrappy terrace overlooking the A12 that normally manages eight tables, but might now max out at five.
Is it opening? No. Again it's a pubco thing, with Young's holding out for at least another fortnight in the hope that the government drops the 'one metre plus' rule to a more profitable 'one metre'. When's it opening? On 20th July, according to a faint message on the chalkboard beside the front door (and all relevant socialmediachannels). In the meantime, in case you were thinking of breaking in, a sheet of A4 paper warns This Pub Is Occupied With Live In Management. How much outdoor space? A small terrace out front with maybe a dozen too-close wooden tables. The interior's quite spacious though, at least by E3 standards.
Is it opening? No. Worse than that, it's actually still boarded up and all the hanging baskets are dead. Greene King moved in to secure the property in March, according to a letter signed by Head of Risk Mike Gore which has been pinned up over the menu outside. For a classy joint, the pub's current appearance comes as a bit of a shock. When's it opening? No idea. I'm sure it will, but the pubco is being a bit vague with a "from 6th July" reopening target, and it definitely won't be that soon. How much outdoor space? A couple of shelves facing the street to leave a beer glass on, plus a 'secret garden' round the back (which it plainly isn't).
Is it opening? Yes. I spotted a busy member of staff behind the bar, a wide selection of cleaning materials on a table and a roll of green safety stickers waiting to be affixed somewhere. When's it opening? Today, 4th July, at noon. Unbelievably the Green Goose is the only pub in my list to be opening today and to have signs in the window announcing this. Admittedly the poster says "Been dreaming of meeting your mates after work for a pint?" and includes the execrable phrase "Well prepare yourself because we're back baby!", but I suspect their target audience is at least twenty years younger than me. How much outdoor space? A rear garden you likely wouldn't guess was there, hence the enormous Come & See Our Garden mural chalked up on the side wall.
Is it opening? Yes. But I only know this because I stopped to take a photo of the 'Match Day Pies' poster and the landlord came out and eyed me suspiciously, so I asked him about the opening date in an attempt to lighten the situation. When's it opening? Today, 4th July, as it turns out. For some reason the pub's only social media presence, a Facebook page, hasn't updated since March 2018. I've been astonished while compiling this list how poorly the majority of pubs advertise their presence, almost as if they assume their regulars will turn up anyway and nobody else needs to know. How much outdoor space? One picnic bench, inconveniently placed to cover the trapdoor to the pub's cellar. All the other seats (and the Sky Sports screens) are in a single room inside, but that'll be how the workers on the surrounding light industrial estates prefer it.
Annoyingly for blogging purposes, the eleventh closest pub to my home looks to be the best prepared. The Lord Tredegar in Lichfield Road has hung a big banner out front announcing We're Back (plus time, plus date), as well as attaching a friendly Queue This Way sign to the railings. If I wanted to go back to a local pub today I reckon The Lord Tredegar would get my vote, if only because it looks competent, clean and welcoming. But I won't be going back today because I don't reckon downing a pint of beer is worth congregating indoors for. If your local pubs are as cramped as mine, perhaps best stick to a can at home.
