I haven't had to whinge about unsolicited PR emails for a while because people stopped sending them. But then suddenly they started again. It all kicked off the day after Londonist mentioned me in a post about advertising, which may or may not be a complete coincidence.
So here then is a roundup of some of the bumf that now arrives in my inbox, with all the brand names they were desperate for me to mention cruelly blanked out.
The team at <Japanese restaurant> sent me one email.
Hi there, hope you're well.
I wanted to get in touch and introduce <Japanese restaurant>. We are a Japanese restaurant that pairs great food with signature drinks in a relaxed Izakaya style setting.
We've stumbled across Diamond Geezer and really enjoyed your content. We wanted to see if you would like to check out what we've been up to.
No thanks. If you're been enjoying my content recently you'll know that I prefer Garfunkels to Japanese cuisine, and their safe British cuisine went out of business years ago so you have no chance with me, sorry.
Nancy at <boutique public relations agency> sent me two emails.
Hi there
We are delighted to announce that <like Drag Race but with bingo>, London’s best-loved alternative Bingo Hall, is on the hunt for its ‘Next Top Bingo Caller’. After a perilous journey, sixteen fearless contestants have been hand-selected to take part in the bingo-based-battle.
I emailed straight back and asked her to unsubscribe me from this tosh, so four days later she sent me the same email again.
Hi there
We are delighted to announce that <like Drag Race but with bingo>, London’s best-loved alternative Bingo Hall, is on the hunt for its ‘Next Top Bingo Caller’. After a perilous journey, sixteen fearless contestants have been hand-selected to take part in the bingo-based-battle.
Her email was no less tedious the second time.
Victoria from <posh blog for luxury cash-spaffers> was more persistent and sent me three emails.
Hello, I hope you are well.
<Posh blog for luxury cash-spaffers> is proud to announce that nominations are now being accepted for the 7th annual <Hotels & Spas & Stuff> Awards, established to commend those within the industry who continue to strive for excellence in their day-to-day operations and provide many with the perfect getaway.
It is with great pleasure that I am reaching out to inform you that Diamond Geezer has been identified by <posh blog for luxury cash-spaffers> as a potential nominee this year. I really hope that this news is well received by everyone at Diamond Geezer, as we want to help celebrate you!
Articles on Victoria's blog include reviews of 1st class flights between Sydney and New York, where to enjoy Saturday brunch in Dubai and what staying a Monte Carlo hotel suite is like. I don't think my travelogues from Corby and Kettering really compete.
She left it a week and nudged me again.
Hello. Did you see my email?
I emailed you last week regarding Diamond Geezer’s nomination for the <Hotels & Spas & Stuff> Awards 2022 proudly hosted by <posh blog for luxury cash-spaffers>.
Of course I saw your email. That's why I ignored it.
Protocol dictates she try one more time.
Hello
I emailed you last week regarding Diamond Geezer’s nomination for the <Hotels & Spas & Stuff> Awards 2022 proudly hosted by <posh blog for luxury cash-spaffers>, and I just wanted to follow up and ensure you received the good news! We want to celebrate Diamond Geezer’s services that are helping their residents relax!
Hang on, my residents? Oh, you think I'm a hotel or something. Into the bin with you.
But Victoria had nothing on David, who tried four times.
Hi,
I've just come across your website diamondgeezer.blogspot.com and I really like your content.
I have been working as an Editor for a while on <bitcoin-blockchain-scammers.com> and I would like a do-follow link from your website. If you are interested, I can create a piece of content which is unique and relevant to your website.
I'm sure you can make your piece of content unique, David, but I doubt you can make it relevant.
David's follow-up was identical but with two extra sentences at the beginning.
Hello
I know you're busy so I just wanted to follow up on the email I sent you a few days ago. I'd love to contribute a guest post article for your website which includes a link back to our website.
I didn't ignore you because I'm busy, David, I was giving you the disrespect you deserved.
Hey
I've sent you a couple of emails about a guest posting opportunity on your site, but I haven't heard back from you. Is there any chance I could hear your feedback? I've included my previous email below for your reference:
Given you really like my content, David, I hope you're finally reading my feedback here. It's a no from me. I do not link to commercial sites on request, especially dubious cryptocurrency domains.
And then David ruined all his previous groundwork by starting again from scratch.
Hi,
I've just come across your website diamondgeezer.blogspot.com and I really like your content...
You haven't just come across it, you came across it at least three weeks ago. I'm not sure how you think any of this is helping.
Thankfully I haven't (yet) heard back from David a fifth time.
Whether you email me once, twice, thrice or even four times my response is going to be the same. No I will not promote the thing you'd like me to, my blog doesn't work like that, so maybe lay off with all the repeated comebacks.
And if anyone else with a promotional background is thinking of emailing me to beg a mention, I won't so please don't. Fun though it is to mock and laugh at, I much preferred those months when you weren't sending it.
