diamond geezer

 Tuesday, May 28, 2024

New campaign to make your Tube journey cheaper

For the last three months Transport for London (TfL) has lowered fares on Fridays to help support Londoners in their battle against the cost of living crisis.

The Off Peak Fridays trial ends this Friday, after which pay as you go single fares will return to their original peak values every weekday. But cheaper travel for deserving Londoners remains one of the key mission goals of the Mayor of London, Sadiq Khan, so a new campaign is being launched to counteract this upcoming disbenefit imbalance and reduce your Tube fare full time.
"You've probably seen customers barging through our ticket gates without paying," said Danielle Harman, TfL's Head of Interface Technology. "Well go ahead London, nobody's stopping you."
Under the new campaign, which is called Push Your Luck, customers at Tube stations will be encouraged to squeeze through ticket gates without swiping their card or contactless device at both ends of their journey. This will ensure that no fare is paid, thereby reducing the cost of existing journeys by 100%.
"Do not barge through the gates at only one end of your journey because this will incur a maximum fare," said Adam Parsons, TfL's Head of Finance Presentation. "Go large or go home."

The new campaign follows the growing realisation that thousands of passengers walk brazenly up to ticket gates and launch themselves through the gap in the middle every day. They have no intention of paying for their journey because in their eyes the Tube exists solely as a free transportation device.
"If they can get away with it why shouldn't you?" said Rizwana Khan, TfL's Head of Contractual Obligation. "Equalities legislation requires us to offer the same benefits to all, so why should you pay a penny when they patently don't?"
Station staff have been told to turn a blind eye towards anyone barging through the ticket barriers and will not intervene. This is an existing policy based on prioritising staff safety in the face of potentially violent customers, and has been in place for many years.
"You may have seen gate-bargers in action and wondered why ticket hall staff never ever take action," said Cal Tartarek, TfL's Head of Legal Disentanglement. "Rest assured it's not because they're frightened or lazy, it's because the rulebook tells them to sit tight and do nothing."
Now you too can join them and get your daily travel for no cost. Please ignore the loud alarm noise the gates make when somebody barges through as this is mainly for show.
"You may feel uncomfortable the first time you make a journey without paying," said Wendy Malarkey, TfL's Head of Ethical Transport. "Feel free to wear a hoodie with your face half-covered, like many of the current experts do, if this helps. But rest assured we have no intention of coming after you, just like we don't come after them, because we simply don't have the staff."
A frankly pitiful number of Tube journeys are monitored by revenue inspectors, indeed you may never have seen one in many years of travelling. The chance of you being caught and fined is therefore exceptionally tiny, and customers should have confidence in freeloading across the network.
"But whatever you do don't go anywhere near the DLR," said Jackson Westlake, TfL's Head of Light Rail Implementation. "DLR staff are notoriously aggressive on matters of fare avoidance and we often send huge teams of enforcement officers to station exits with frankly excellent results. Simply stick to the Tube, a supposedly gated system, and you'll never see any of them."
Ticket gates are specifically designed to be permeable if sufficient pressure is applied to the paddles. This is an essential safety feature which allows customers to escape through the gate in the event of a crush situation.
"We do all sort of research ruggedising motors and reworking paddle shafts to improve the resilience of our gatelines," said Joan Bevan, TfL's Head of Safety Engineering. "But ultimately people have to be able to escape if they need to, it's just common sense, so travelling without paying is always an unavoidable option."
Customers are recommended to aim for our Wide Aisle Gates (WAG) because these require less force to push them apart.
"The length of a WAG paddle is greater than that for a standard gate, hence less force needs to be applied for a breakthrough to take effect," said Jazwinder McSweeney, TfL's Head of Technical Safeguarding. "So low in fact that the average adolescent or ne'erdowell can force WAGs apart with minimal effort, and by extension so can you."
Vaulting over the gates remains a practical possibility but engineers insist this is an unnecessary complication because a shoulder-nudge is much easier.
"Numerous miscreants make use of this safety loophole to enjoy free travel daily," said Keisha Pizazz, TfL's Head of Opportunity Focus. "So now we're inviting the rest of you to Push Your Luck and join them."
The campaign will be launched at Notting Hill Gate station, which will be renamed Nothing To Pay Gate for the duration. Fewer posters will be displayed at stations in East London because many of its residents understand perfectly well how it works already.
"We're well aware that hardly anyone reads our press releases" said Mitch Pantiles, TfL's Head of Brand Froth. "So what we're really doing here is rewarding our most devoted customers with free travel. The ignorant 99% will carry on paying, ensuring no hole appears in TfL's budget going forward, and will probably tut a lot when they see what other people are up to."
So next time you see someone barging through the ticket gates and wonder why nobody lifts a finger to try to stop them, ask yourself why you're not doing the same. They always get away without paying, and so could you if you simply Push Your Luck.

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