MAYFAIR Colour group: dark blue Purchase price: £400 Rent: £50 Area: 1km² Borough:Westminster Postcode: W1
And finally on my year-long Monopoly circuit it's the wealthiest square on the board. Victor and Marjory from Waddingtons broke the rules when they selected the last property by picking not a single street, nor even a square, but an entire London neighbourhood. Mayfair is massive, a full square kilometre of inherent welloffness where a prospective player wouldn't just buy four houses and a hotel but an entire historic inheritance. What's more it's bounded on all sides by streets that've already appeared on the board - Park Lane, Oxford Street, Regent Street and Piccadilly - while Bond Street slices it straight down the middle. It really shouldn't be here at all but let's tick it off anyway.
Mayfair was mostly fields until the late 17th century when Sir Thomas Grosvenor, a Cheshire baronet, made an exceptionally profitable marriage choice. His bride Mary Davies had been bequeathed 100 acres of 'swampy land' to the south of Oxford Street, some of which was used for the annual fortnight of festivities known by Londoners as the May Fair. Thomas's brother Robert kickstarted residential development on these fields in the 1720s, attracting the upper classes to its grand streets and eventually evicting the annual rowdiness for good. By the end of the 19th century the Grosvenors were the wealthiest family in Europe and had a new title, Duke of Westminster, and these days their prestige neighbourhood has a multiplicity of owners, many of them Qatari.
I can't possibly do justice to Mayfair in a single post, nor do I intend to, so will instead describe to you its three chief squares and follow a circular walk that links all three - Hanover to Grosvenor to Berkeley and back to Hanover again.
Hanover Square is just far enough off Oxford Street that most tourists never stray into it, although more do now that Crossrail disgorges from a screened-off portal on the west side. It got its name because what else would you dare call a square where development began in 1717 just after the accession of the first Hanoverian king? A few Georgian terraces linger although the finest buildings are actually Victorian, and the best that can be said for some of the others is that they fill a gap. The most well-known is Vogue House in the southeast corner, a fashion nexus since 1956, although the publishing house moved out earlier this year and sold up to a shipping billionaire.
Far lowlier is the cabmen's shelter to the northeast which is Grade II listed but currently fenced off pending repairs. The square's central grass is well-looked after, indeed a Green Flag winner, and has a particularly succinct set of rules ("Please keep dogs on leash at all times. No bike riding in the park. No ball games. Don't feed the birds in the park. Thanks"). As for the pigeon-splattered statue at the southern end that's of Pitt The Younger and is still here because Reform Bill agitators failed to topple it on its unveiling day.
To walk from here to Mayfair's second square you follow Brook Street west. The brook in question is the Tyburn, one of London's lost rivers, although even here in central London the dip in the land is plainly seen between one end and the other. The street only appears fully occupied after crossing New Bond Street (for which see the greens), initially with fussy little boutiques for accessory-seekers and cocktail bars dressed up to look like apothecaries. 25 and 23 Brook Street are famous as one-time homes for top musicians George Frideric Handel and Jimi Hendrix, so have been knocked together to form an unlikely museum (which as you'd expect is rather good).
The parking spaces beyond are often clogged with smart black limos and drivers giving them a good polish, this because the huge building on the left is Claridge's. This 5 star hotel is perhaps most famous for its restaurant, although Gordon Ramsey moved on in 2013 and the langoustines turned out by its latest chef aren't quite Michelin level. The missing block opposite is being developed into South Molton, a vast Grosvenor-funded mixed-use development, and the flappy blue and white flag further on signals the Embassy of Argentina. Keep going.
Grosvenor Square is Mayfair's premiergreenspace, as you'd expect given it's named after the original landlord. It's also the second largest garden square in London - only Russell Square is larger - and celebrates its 300th birthday next year. You'll look in vain for any of the original three storey mansions, most of the perimeter having been replaced by even more prestigious houses and then a defensive wall of Neo-Georgian apartments and hotels. Former famous residents include Oscar Wilde, John Wilkes and John Adams, second President of the United States. The US presence continued when Eisenhower took an apartment on the north side as his wartime headquarters, and doubled down when the entire west side was swept away in 1960 to make way for the American Embassy. That eagle-topped fortress has been empty since 2017 when US diplomacy moved to Nine Elms, and is still fenced off pending full conversion to a 145-room luxury hotel.
The central square isn't especially characterful and in winter can become a bit of a threadbare mudbath. It does however include a lofty statue to Franklin Delano Roosevelt, the only one of the three presidents remembered here not currently behind construction site hoardings. For the last few weeks it's also been home to the Ever After Garden, an annual charity tribute comprising 30,000 white roses which illuminate after dark in a way that most flowers don't. A nice lady in the chalet will apply a tribute to your loved one for a one-off donation, or would have done until the offer closed for the season on Wednesday, so best not come expecting silk remembrance until next November.
This Mayfair circuit continues via Carlos Place, a road which used to continue due south but now curves at the far end like a hockey stick to dodge another prestigious hotel, The Connaught. This opened on a small scale in 1815, was rebuilt as something much larger in the 1890s and changed its name from the Coburg to the Connaught in 1917 so as not to sound too German. One night'll cost you in the region of £1000+, although you'll need another £140 to partake of the Game Menu in the Connaught Grill. For a spectacular free show stand outside and admire the raised decorative pool installed by Tadao Ando which unexpectedly erupts with clouds of steam every 15 minutes, putting most other public realm to shame.
Next up is Mount Street, perhaps the closest Mayfair gets to having a High Street... assuming your idea of necessary purchases includes molecular cosmetics, cocktail dresses, signature handbags and a new Porsche. Auctioneers Phillips have your back for any unique extras.
Mayfair's third square is its most famous, Berkeley Square. It was enclosed later than the other two, around 1747, surrounded on the south and west side by "dwarf wall and wooden rails and pallisadoes set thereon". An equestrian statue of George III graced the centre in 1772 but the king's weight caused the horse's legs to buckle and it was eventually replaced by the current gazebo. The plane trees here are said to be the oldest in central London, planted by a resident in 1789, but don't expect to hear a legendary nightingale singing from their branches because that's a fiction embodied in a song written in a French fishing village.
The square's perimeter is quite motley, a hodgepodge of townhouses of various heights and less complementary infill. The one house everybody's pausing outside at present is private club Annabel's, its enchanting snow-globe winter façade a sure-fire hit across visual media. Checking club rules I see hats and flip-flops may not be worn inside, and during warmer weather "management may exercise leniency with blazers and jackets provided they remain within arm's reach". The brick behemoth on the eastern side has a hollow frontage of 1930s vintage, with showrooms for Rolls Royce and Ferrari (and the Sexy Fish restaurant) protruding underneath, while the entire southern flank is currently a hole pierced by a big white crane because redevelopment never stops.
Bruton Street is perhaps best known as the street where the future Queen was born in 1926. The Earl of Strathmore's townhouse is now another modern office block, suitably plaqued. As for the Coach and Horses don't be fooled by the Tudor-looking exterior and its headless horseman ghost story, it's a 1933 facsimile. The oldest buildings are therefore those occupied by a run of fashion designers opposite, including Hartnell where Sir Norman the Queen's dressmaker once lived above the shop.
To return to the start cross New Bond Street and head round the back of Sotheby's into St George Street. Mayfair's parish church was built here in 1721, the magnificent St George's Hanover Square whose classical portico is supported by six Corinthian columns. It would look more stunning if it was actually in the square rather than halfway down a narrow street but the surroundings were a tad more spacious back when Handel used to play the organ. John Nash and Theodore Roosevelt were married here, over 100 years apart, and due to its location St George's is still quite the venue for society weddings. Many of the midweek clientele must have different habits, however, given the rules pinned outside include no urinating on church property, no dealing illegal drugs and no sleeping in the pews.
And that's once round the board, indeed just one more square and you can collect your £200. But unfortunately I see you've been stuck on Mayfair for the last few minutes, a dark blue which I have lavishly embellished with well over four houses and a multiplicity of hotels. If I check my rent card I see that means you owe me £2000, and given you have no intention of paying up I guess that means we can finally draw this painstakingly slow game to a close and put the blessed Monopoly board away.
