Three more online games brought to you by warped minds(and spotted by the excellent b3ta)
(1) Name that Beard: It's totally beyond me why anyone would want to grow a beard, except in order to give anyone they're snogging friction burns and the remains of last night's dinner. Goatees I can almost see the point of, except for those stupid tufty bits below the lip that make the wearer look like rather too much like an old goat themselves. Alas, all goatees take fifteen minutes to trim into the right shape every morning, time which could be far better spent in bed asleep for thirteen minutes and then clean-shaving with a razor for two. Thankfully I have no chance of ever growing one myself.
(2) Simon Swears: Remember Simon, a circular slab of black plastic with four coloured lights repeating in an ever-extending sequence for you to attempt to memorise? It came from the 'golden age' of electronic games, the days when you'd be opening your presents on Christmas morning only to discover that a relative had spent £25 on a plastic box with a few cheap-looking LEDs on the front. This purported to be some sort of futuristic and exciting game for all the family, but would in fact be discarded through boredom well before the batteries ran out, only to be uncovered from the loft twenty years later destined for a car boot sale with a 30p price tag. Sadly my family never ever bought me a Simon, but this was probably because they knew I'd have totally thrashed the rest of them at it.
(3) Kittyflip: I never understood the attraction of kittens, especially after living with one for two months. They look perfectly endearing for at least three minutes, after which they dig their claws into your leg, they jump up onto table tops they shouldn't be able to reach and lick all the food you're preparing for dinner, they wake you in the middle of the night when you'd rather be asleep, they hide in the cupboard under the sink for an entire afternoon making you think they've run off and you'll never see them again, they need feeding with nasty smelly tins of something that looks almost like meat but smells too much like fish, and they shit in the corner of the kitchen into a tray that nobody ever wants to clear up. And then, after all that care and attention you've given them, kittens grow up into cats and bugger off out of the house all day, only returning for food, if you're lucky.
