Wednesday, December 18, 2002
What class are you this Christmas?
Where do you buy most of your Christmas presents?
(a) At Harrods, on account.
(b) At John Lewis, by Barclaycard.
(c) At Spar, when the shopkeeper's not looking.
How have you decorated your house?
(a) Great-grandfather planted fifty fir trees round the estate 100 years ago.
(b) A tasteful holly wreath on the door and lots of candles in the window.
(c) Flashing reindeer, a luminous Santa and 150 coloured lights on the roof.
How many people are you spending Christmas Day with?
(a) 17 - although we may give the butler the afternoon off.
(b) Just the 2 of us - we've paid extra to keep the kids on at boarding school this year.
(c) 17 - that's 7 children, 3 ex-wives, 5 grannies and 2 social workers.
What are you planning to cook for Christmas lunch?
(a) Whatever we go out and shoot in the morning.
(b) Everything that Delia tells us to.
(c) Pizza and chips.
What will you be watching on Christmas Day?
(a) The waves lapping against the beach in the Algarve.
(b) Just the Queen's Speech, then we'll turn the television off and play charades instead.
(c) Only Fools And Horses, plus whatever's on ITV for the rest of the evening.
Check your answers
Mostly (a)s - upper class
Mostly (b)s - middle class
Mostly (c)s - dead common
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