As of 7pm tonight, the BBC offers less choice than before. In fact no Choice at all, as the old digital channel metamorphs overnight into BBC Three, the distinctive new youth channel. That's BBC Three, not BBC3, presumably to make the channel distinctive enough to keep government ministers happy. I'm pleasantly surprised that my once-dire TV reception has recovered sufficiently to let me watch the opening night, although the first two hours are also being shown simultaneously on BBC2 too. A lot of money and publicity is being thrown at this relaunch, not least the decision to show EastEnders a day early on BBC Three for the next two weeks. But, is Three the magic number? Let's see...
7:00 Aww, those endearing Aardman animated blobs crawling all over the BBC Three logo have done De La Soul proud.
7:01 Wasn't Johnny Vaughan also the 'face' of the opening night on Channel 5?
7:10 Johnny Vaughan pretends to be David Letterman, only with British celebrities, a better-looking band and funnier jokes.
7:43Dermot O'Leary introduces ... hey, who cares what he introduces, just so long as he's on the telly.
7:58 Liquid News is live from Los Angeles, but fails to report on how this transatlantic junket will increase your licence fee.
8:14 The latest Radio 4 comedy jewel to translate to TV is Matt Lucas and David Walliams' Little Britain. Quite sparkling.
8:40Dermot twice in one night? Blimey. I only ever saw him once in one afternoon - remind me to tell that story one day.
9:02 Steve Coogan on stage as Paul and Pauline Calf, but it looked like the audience enjoyed it rather more than me.
9:30 Public service broadcasting quota programming - six people get drunk and a scientist films their intestines.
10:00 Dom Joly hosts a chat show (well, more of a shout show) on which the guests all appear suitably embarrassed.
10:35 Burn It is a This Life-type drama, only with the lawyers replaced by suburban Manchester scallies. 6/10
11:15 Monkey Dust is an animated satire sketch show, a non-celebrity 2DTV, very dark, very clever, and very good.
11:50 And finally, three black women rip off the original Dom Joly Channel 4 rip off of Candid Camera. Time for bed then.