Lesson 1: Overwhelm your audience with numbers The Polyphonic Spree easily fill any performance space because there are 23 of them. This is particularly useful if two six-foot-plus audience members have decided to stand directly in front of you, because you can still see at least 17 of them. The group process on stage dressed in their trademark white robes and immediately grab 100% of your attention. The large numbers mean that everyone can play an instrument, be it keyboards, trombone, double-bowed double bass, theremin or whatever, or else grin broadly from the seven-strong choir. It's a big-band orchestral sound, and it's hard not to get sucked in. It's certainly not like your usual parish church on a Sunday, where the congregation probably numbers less than were on stage altogether last night.
Lesson 2: Be happy The Polyphonic Spree perform some of the most uplifting music going. Everybody smiles all the time, especially Tim DeLaughter, the aptly-named leader of the whole ensemble. The lyrics are about being happy and how good life is, not in any way religious, but definitely spiritual. Every phrase is repeated over and over so it's easy to sing along, which is exactly what the audience do, joining in, waving their arms, jumping for joy and moving as one. A primary-coloured balloon drop has everyone regressing to childlike excitement. The audience are high on happiness, leaf and lager, but are acting as if they dropped something substantially heavier an hour earlier. It's certainly not like your usual parish church on a Sunday, where even the most evangelical congregation rarely exhibits bliss like this.
Lesson 3: Be hippy The Polyphonic Spree look as if they've stepped out of a timewarp. All the men have 70s hair from the neck up, and everyone has nativity-service robes from the neck down. You can imagine them all assembling on a hilltop holding aloft cans of Coke and singing 'I'd like to teach the world to sing'. The music sounds as if Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band are performing with the cast of Jesus Christ Superstar (although without Andrew Lloyd Webber being allowed to write any of the music). It's uplifting symphonic praise, enticing us musically back into the Age of Aquarius. It's certainly not like your usual parish church on a Sunday, where stern Victorian hymns echo between the medieval silences.
Lesson 4: Be a cult The Polyphonic Spree are a musical movement with thousands of devoted followers, even if only for ninety minutes at a time. You watch, you become absorbed, you belong. You hang on the every word of charismatic cult leader Tim, embracing happiness because he directs you to. Look around the auditorium and you spot previous converts who've arrived wearing their own white robes, accompanied by friends they've brought along to initiate into the congregation themselves. You leave the show as a missionary for the cause (or at least slightly more likely to buy the album, anyway). But it's certainly not like your usual parish church on a Sunday, where deeply-held beliefs still last a lifetime.
Lesson 5: Have a great supporting act There were more people packed into the Brixton Academy last night than actually live on the Scottish island of Mull. One of those islanders is Colin MacIntyre, the fresh-faced singer songwriter of guitar-pop jewels the Mull Historical Society. He and his backing band were allowed 30 minutes to win us over. It only took three, and we were.
