Friday, September 19, 2003
Parental advisory
If you're thinking of going to the cinema this weekend, the film censors have been busy trying to help you to decide what to watch. All 12A certificated films now come with a strapline telling parents exactly why they might not want their sensitive pre-teenage offspring to view the film. However, I suspect these warnings have completely the opposite effect. Take a look at these 12A films currently showing at the UK box office and see which film(s) instantly take your fancy merely from the plot summary:
• (contains one use of strong language)
• (contains strong language and violence)
• (contains moderate language and brief injury)
• (contains moderate horror and action violence)
• (contains moderate action violence and fantasy horror)
• (contains mild slapstick and nudity and moderate violence)
• (contains nudity and sex references and implied soft drug use)
I wonder if the same concept should be applied to U and PG films as well, just to warn us discerning adults that a film might not contain anything juicy and worth shelling out nearly a tenner on. Here are a few suggestions for some older films - see if you can guess which before you click on the link, and feel free to suggest some more:
• (contains restless nuns and lonely goatherds and Nazi sympathisers)
• (contains a non-stop string of over-exploited marketing opportunities)
• (contains historical inaccuracy and lengthy overacting and mild irish dancing)
• (contains fake East End accents and sufficient sugar to rot teeth at thirty paces)
• (contains violent meteorolgical effects and unconvincing scenery and a yappy dog)
• (contains excessive fantasy detail which may inspire your offspring to become anorak-clad obsessive fans in later life)
• (contains no use of strong language, no horror, no nudity, no sexual references and no violence moderate or otherwise, so why bother?)
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