diamond geezer

 Tuesday, November 04, 2003

Brookside Closes

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to mourn the passing of Channel 4's flagship soap opera, Brookside. Little Brookie was born on 2nd November 1982, way back on Channel 4's opening night. The soap's gritty style didn't initially endear it to the guardians of the nation's morality, nor to the viewing public for that matter, but things soon picked up until Brookie was much-loved and well-respected. Until recently, when the characters got duller, the plots got sillier and the viewers again deserted in droves. Now shunted into a graveyard slot to curl up and die, Brookside's last ever episode will be screened tonight at twenty to eleven, exactly 21 years (2 days, 2 hours and 40 minutes) after the first. No flowers please, but all mourners welcomed. Brookside is succeeded by its bastard offspring Hollyoaks. May the Lord have mersey upon her soul.

Here are three golden websites for all true Brookie fans (you can tell you're a true Brookie fan if the TV show 'The Magic Rabbits' means anything to you, by the way).
Brookside Soapbox (just dripping with juicy information)
100 facts about Brookside (no, really? blimey)
A year-by-year history of Brookside (on the official site)

And now diamond geezer proudly presents a house-by-house clickable guide to Brookside Close and who lived where when, even all the families you'd tried really hard to forget. Y'alroight with that mate?

Number 5 (the big detached one)
The Grants (1982-89): The original Brookie working class family, that's militant trade union official Billy and his long suffering wife Sheila, complete with four kids including swot Karen, scally Damon and baby Claire. Mum and Dad may have moved on but they still pop up in all the best TV dramas.
The Rogers (1989-93): Whining Katie Rogers has hung around the Close ever since she joined the cast at the age of 12, and has somehow managed to be 100% unlucky with every single man she has ever fallen in love with (even if Ron Dixon only shot one of them dead).
Simon Howe & his mad cult (1993-94): Katie, along with Terry Sullivan, was sucked into an explosive web of religious fervour, in one of the Close's least believable storylines.
Barry Grant (1994-95): Bobby and Sheila's eldest, and thuggiest. He's back tonight for the finale, hoping to wed West End diva Lindsey Corkhill. Poor deluded soul.
The Johnsons (1995-2001): Mick moved in after Barry moved on, bringing with him soapworld's worst ever actress, the woodier-than-wooden Gemma.
The Gordons (2002-): A new family of scallies, seemingly all under 20, and all managing to be of absolutely no dramatic interest whatsoever.

Number 6 (the bungalow)
Alan Partridge (1982-84): No, not the fabled Radio Norwich DJ, but a chubby computer wizard and the groom in Brookside's first ever wedding.
Harry Cross (1984-90): Dear old Edna found it much easier living in a bungalow, until her untimely stroke after which she was replaced in Harry's affections by best mate Ralph.
The Johnsons (1990-93): Brookside's first black family, whose cuddly husband Mick was once stalked by Jenny, his son's completely loopy teacher.
The Crosbies (1993-98): Patricia Farnham's parents, gruff David and the charming Jean, who hung around the Close far longer than their daughter managed.
The Shadwicks (1998-): A tedious family of screaming harridans, part of a misguided attempt to bring trade unionism back to Brookie, and epicentre of an excessively drawn-out date-rape plot.

Number 7
Harry and Edna Cross (1983-84): Curmudgeonly Harry was scripted to die of a heart attack after three months in the soap, but he was saved by the producers because the audience loved him, even if nobody on the Close did.
The nurses (1984-87): That'll be Sandra, Pat and Kate, the latter shot dead in Brookie's first ever siege, the first of many hideously improbable plot devices all to hit a tiny Liverpool cul-de-sac.
The Rogers (1987-89): Mum Chrissy walked out on the family, dad Frank was killed in a wedding-day coke-fuelled car crash, daughter Sammy fell deep into alcoholism but at least son Geoff had the sense to escape by joining Torquay United.
The Chois (1989-90): A family more famous for the fact that David Yip used to be the Chinese Detective than for any non-event plotlines they may have had.
The Farnhams (1990-): It was never satisfactorily explained why women threw themselves at the feet of extra-ordinary Max. Maybe it was his throbbing restaurant, or else his snobby attitude towards the oh-so-common Dixons nextdoor (although he eventually ended up marrying one of them).

Number 8
The Collins (1982-90): First seen moving into Brookside Close in the very first episode, after downwardly-mobile dad Paul lost his job. Son Gordon was soapworld's first ever gay character, oh the curtain-twitching shame of it all.
The Dixons (1990-97): All part of the new Thatcherite working-class, here came bigoted Ron and his mobile shop, eventually marrying common-as-muck loudmouth Bev. And full marks to whichever scriptwriting genius thought of renaming their semi 'Casa Bevron', touch of genius that.
The O’Learys and Sinbad (1997-98): Tinhead (one of those ridiculous Grange Hill-type nicknames) was a school bully kept in the series purely to maintain female viewing figures, shacked up with Emily Shadwick (who performed a similar function for male viewers). Sinbad on the other hand was the Close's venerable and much-loved window cleaner, until finally ousted in a ghastly false-child-abuse scenario.
The Musgroves (1998-2000): Depressing Irish family who found that living in Brookside made them, and all the viewers, even more depressed. So they left.
The Dixons (2000-): Back in Casa Bevron again, until successful businesswoman Jacqui made the very recent mistake of selling the house to evil brugs baron Jack Michaelson. You can tell he's evil because last week he smashed Father Christmas's face in with a baseball bat. Honest. Tonight the Close close in to wreak their terrible revenge.

Number 9
Heather Haversham (1982-87) Now better known as that woman in Silent Witness, Amanda Burton made her TV debut in Brookside, first kicking out a lying cheating bastard of a husband, and later marrying a really sweet old bloke who turned out to be a compulsive heroin addict.
The Gordon-Davies (1987-90): Posh Jonathan married nice Laura, who spent the last three months of her Brookie contract in a coma after annoying the producers by trying to leave the show early.
Terry & Sue Sullivan (1990-91): Ah, well-meaning Terry with the scary perm, so often the foil to nasty Barry with the menacing eyes. Sue (and baby Danny) alas never survived their tumble off the roof of the brand new Parade.
The Harrisons (1991-93): Bunch of Guardian readers. Bit earnest, bit dull.
The Banks (1994-96): Bunch of Mirror readers. Bit strident, but good at digging up bodies from under patios.
The Simpsons (1996-98): The family brought in purely so that two of the offspring could generate column inches by having an incestuous relationship. Yawn.
The yuppies (1999-2000): We didn't really care about Dr Nathan, Darren and Victoria either. In fact, this house seems to be cursed by character indifference.
The Murrays (2000-): Her out of the Nolan Sisters and desperate for a baby, except that it was her schoolgirl daughter who got pregnant instead. Youngest son Anthony recently drowned school bully Imelda in a local pond and is now easily the best actor in the entire show.

Number 10 (the 'house of horror')
The Taylors (1982-83): Brookside's first death occured when (non-canine) Petra woke up one morning to discover husband Gavin had died of a brain haemorrage overnight. She didn't hang around long afterwards either.
The Jacksons (1984-85): Ah yes, firebrand Marie and her weak husband George, the much-loved inspiration for the national 'George Jackson is innocent' poster campaign (years before Deidre Rashid's similar Coronation Street stunt).
The Corkhills (1985-93): Billy and our Doreen blundered through life on the Close, rowing, yelling, and wondering how they ever ended up with a weak policeman and a screeching hairdresser as offspring.
The Jordaches (1993-95): Brookside's most convincingly dramatic family, fleeing a life of sexual abuse and ultimately stabbing the perpetrator with a carving knife and buying him under that legendary patio. All that, plus Anna Friel and a lesbian kiss - we shall not see their like again.
Jimmy Corkhill (1995-): Billy Corkhill's scally brother was supposed to appear for just six episodes but is still around tonight 17 years later to deliver the soap's closing line. Jimmy has been a criminal, murderer, drug-dealer, prisoner, teacher (yes honest) and, perhaps not surprisingly after all that, seriously mentally ill. Tonight, maybe, just maybe, he gets to add another murder to his list. I'll be watching to wave goodbye.


<< click for Newer posts

click for Older Posts >>


click to return to the main page


...or read more in my monthly archives
Jan24  Feb24  Mar24
Jan23  Feb23  Mar23  Apr23  May23  Jun23  Jul23  Aug23  Sep23  Oct23  Nov23  Dec23
Jan22  Feb22  Mar22  Apr22  May22  Jun22  Jul22  Aug22  Sep22  Oct22  Nov22  Dec22
Jan21  Feb21  Mar21  Apr21  May21  Jun21  Jul21  Aug21  Sep21  Oct21  Nov21  Dec21
Jan20  Feb20  Mar20  Apr20  May20  Jun20  Jul20  Aug20  Sep20  Oct20  Nov20  Dec20
Jan19  Feb19  Mar19  Apr19  May19  Jun19  Jul19  Aug19  Sep19  Oct19  Nov19  Dec19
Jan18  Feb18  Mar18  Apr18  May18  Jun18  Jul18  Aug18  Sep18  Oct18  Nov18  Dec18
Jan17  Feb17  Mar17  Apr17  May17  Jun17  Jul17  Aug17  Sep17  Oct17  Nov17  Dec17
Jan16  Feb16  Mar16  Apr16  May16  Jun16  Jul16  Aug16  Sep16  Oct16  Nov16  Dec16
Jan15  Feb15  Mar15  Apr15  May15  Jun15  Jul15  Aug15  Sep15  Oct15  Nov15  Dec15
Jan14  Feb14  Mar14  Apr14  May14  Jun14  Jul14  Aug14  Sep14  Oct14  Nov14  Dec14
Jan13  Feb13  Mar13  Apr13  May13  Jun13  Jul13  Aug13  Sep13  Oct13  Nov13  Dec13
Jan12  Feb12  Mar12  Apr12  May12  Jun12  Jul12  Aug12  Sep12  Oct12  Nov12  Dec12
Jan11  Feb11  Mar11  Apr11  May11  Jun11  Jul11  Aug11  Sep11  Oct11  Nov11  Dec11
Jan10  Feb10  Mar10  Apr10  May10  Jun10  Jul10  Aug10  Sep10  Oct10  Nov10  Dec10 
Jan09  Feb09  Mar09  Apr09  May09  Jun09  Jul09  Aug09  Sep09  Oct09  Nov09  Dec09
Jan08  Feb08  Mar08  Apr08  May08  Jun08  Jul08  Aug08  Sep08  Oct08  Nov08  Dec08
Jan07  Feb07  Mar07  Apr07  May07  Jun07  Jul07  Aug07  Sep07  Oct07  Nov07  Dec07
Jan06  Feb06  Mar06  Apr06  May06  Jun06  Jul06  Aug06  Sep06  Oct06  Nov06  Dec06
Jan05  Feb05  Mar05  Apr05  May05  Jun05  Jul05  Aug05  Sep05  Oct05  Nov05  Dec05
Jan04  Feb04  Mar04  Apr04  May04  Jun04  Jul04  Aug04  Sep04  Oct04  Nov04  Dec04
Jan03  Feb03  Mar03  Apr03  May03  Jun03  Jul03  Aug03  Sep03  Oct03  Nov03  Dec03
 Jan02  Feb02  Mar02  Apr02  May02  Jun02  Jul02 Aug02  Sep02  Oct02  Nov02  Dec02 

jack of diamonds
Life viewed from London E3

» email me
» follow me on twitter
» follow the blog on Twitter
» follow the blog on RSS

» my flickr photostream

twenty blogs
our bow
arseblog
ian visits
londonist
broken tv
blue witch
on london
the great wen
edith's streets
spitalfields life
linkmachinego
round the island
wanstead meteo
christopher fowler
the greenwich wire
bus and train user
ruth's coastal walk
round the rails we go
london reconnections
from the murky depths

quick reference features
Things to do in Outer London
Things to do outside London
Inner London toilet map
20 years of blog series
The DG Tour of Britain
London's most...

read the archive
Mar24  Feb24  Jan24
Dec23  Nov23  Oct23  Sep23
Aug23  Jul23  Jun23  May23
Apr23  Mar23  Feb23  Jan23
Dec22  Nov22  Oct22  Sep22
Aug22  Jul22  Jun22  May22
Apr22  Mar22  Feb22  Jan22
Dec21  Nov21  Oct21  Sep21
Aug21  Jul21  Jun21  May21
Apr21  Mar21  Feb21  Jan21
Dec20  Nov20  Oct20  Sep20
Aug20  Jul20  Jun20  May20
Apr20  Mar20  Feb20  Jan20
Dec19  Nov19  Oct19  Sep19
Aug19  Jul19  Jun19  May19
Apr19  Mar19  Feb19  Jan19
Dec18  Nov18  Oct18  Sep18
Aug18  Jul18  Jun18  May18
Apr18  Mar18  Feb18  Jan18
Dec17  Nov17  Oct17  Sep17
Aug17  Jul17  Jun17  May17
Apr17  Mar17  Feb17  Jan17
Dec16  Nov16  Oct16  Sep16
Aug16  Jul16  Jun16  May16
Apr16  Mar16  Feb16  Jan16
Dec15  Nov15  Oct15  Sep15
Aug15  Jul15  Jun15  May15
Apr15  Mar15  Feb15  Jan15
Dec14  Nov14  Oct14  Sep14
Aug14  Jul14  Jun14  May14
Apr14  Mar14  Feb14  Jan14
Dec13  Nov13  Oct13  Sep13
Aug13  Jul13  Jun13  May13
Apr13  Mar13  Feb13  Jan13
Dec12  Nov12  Oct12  Sep12
Aug12  Jul12  Jun12  May12
Apr12  Mar12  Feb12  Jan12
Dec11  Nov11  Oct11  Sep11
Aug11  Jul11  Jun11  May11
Apr11  Mar11  Feb11  Jan11
Dec10  Nov10  Oct10  Sep10
Aug10  Jul10  Jun10  May10
Apr10  Mar10  Feb10  Jan10
Dec09  Nov09  Oct09  Sep09
Aug09  Jul09  Jun09  May09
Apr09  Mar09  Feb09  Jan09
Dec08  Nov08  Oct08  Sep08
Aug08  Jul08  Jun08  May08
Apr08  Mar08  Feb08  Jan08
Dec07  Nov07  Oct07  Sep07
Aug07  Jul07  Jun07  May07
Apr07  Mar07  Feb07  Jan07
Dec06  Nov06  Oct06  Sep06
Aug06  Jul06  Jun06  May06
Apr06  Mar06  Feb06  Jan06
Dec05  Nov05  Oct05  Sep05
Aug05  Jul05  Jun05  May05
Apr05  Mar05  Feb05  Jan05
Dec04  Nov04  Oct04  Sep04
Aug04  Jul04  Jun04  May04
Apr04  Mar04  Feb04  Jan04
Dec03  Nov03  Oct03  Sep03
Aug03  Jul03  Jun03  May03
Apr03  Mar03  Feb03  Jan03
Dec02  Nov02  Oct02  Sep02
back to main page

the diamond geezer index
2023 2022
2021 2020 2019 2018 2017
2016 2015 2014 2013 2012
2011 2010 2009 2008 2007
2006 2005 2004 2003 2002

my special London features
a-z of london museums
E3 - local history month
greenwich meridian (N)
greenwich meridian (S)
the real eastenders
london's lost rivers
olympic park 2007
great british roads
oranges & lemons
random boroughs
bow road station
high street 2012
river westbourne
trafalgar square
capital numbers
east london line
lea valley walk
olympics 2005
regent's canal
square routes
silver jubilee
unlost rivers
cube routes
Herbert Dip
metro-land
capital ring
river fleet
piccadilly
bakerloo

ten of my favourite posts
the seven ages of blog
my new Z470xi mobile
five equations of blog
the dome of doom
chemical attraction
quality & risk
london 2102
single life
boredom
april fool

ten sets of lovely photos
my "most interesting" photos
london 2012 olympic zone
harris and the hebrides
betjeman's metro-land
marking the meridian
tracing the river fleet
london's lost rivers
inside the gherkin
seven sisters
iceland

just surfed in?
here's where to find...
diamond geezers
flash mob #1  #2  #3  #4
ben schott's miscellany
london underground
watch with mother
cigarette warnings
digital time delay
wheelie suitcases
war of the worlds
transit of venus
top of the pops
old buckenham
ladybird books
acorn antiques
digital watches
outer hebrides
olympics 2012
school dinners
pet shop boys
west wycombe
bletchley park
george orwell
big breakfast
clapton pond
san francisco
thunderbirds
routemaster
children's tv
east enders
trunk roads
amsterdam
little britain
credit cards
jury service
big brother
jubilee line
number 1s
titan arum
typewriters
doctor who
coronation
comments
blue peter
matchgirls
hurricanes
buzzwords
brookside
monopoly
peter pan
starbucks
feng shui
leap year
manbags
bbc three
vision on
piccadilly
meridian
concorde
wembley
islington
ID cards
bedtime
freeview
beckton
blogads
eclipses
letraset
arsenal
sitcoms
gherkin
calories
everest
muffins
sudoku
camilla
london
ceefax
robbie
becks
dome
BBC2
paris
lotto
118
itv