BBC1; BBC2; ITV1; Channel 4; five: All the usual terrestrial channels (but with rubbish teletext).
ITV2: Kate Thornton goes behind the scenes of several dull non-events on ITV1.
BBC3: Three almost-hit comedy shows on endless rotation.
BBC4: Intelligent programmes they daren't put on BBC2 any more.
Sky Travel; TV Travel Shop: Package holidays you can share with (shudder) other common viewers.
UK History; UK Bright Ideas: UK Warfare and UK Gardening. But why can't I have UK Gold instead?
QVC; bid-up.tv; price-drop.tv: Crap items nobody needs but that bored housewives buy.
The Hits; TMF: Safe and unchallenging pop videos repeated every hour.
f tn: Cheap fillers lifted from Living TV, Bravo, Trouble and Challenge.
CBBC; CBeebies: Two advert-free primary-coloured babysitting services.
News 24; ITV News; Sky News: The same news stories stretched out in three different orders.
Sky Sports News: No actual sport, just pundits and scrolling football results.
BBC Parliament: Well, you voted for them, now you're stuck watching them.
Community Channel: Broadcasts to an audience of zero between 2:45am and 5:45am.
Teletext; Four text; BBCi: As we established yesterday, under-interactive disappointment.
F2P Games: Relive the thrills of 1979 technology by playing Solitaire and Tetris on your telly.
[70-91]21 digital radio stations: Almost worth buying a box for BBC6 and BBC7 alone. Almost.
[701-703]Occasional interactive extra stuff: Or endless Fame Academy.