diamond geezer

 Wednesday, May 19, 2004

my diary, day 6000: Saturday 5th June 1993 (age 28, Bedford, 801 words)
Today is cousin <insert name of cousin>'s wedding, so I've got to get back to Watford. (that's much better, we've actually hit an interesting day for once) "Bung suit in bag and head to station. <delete dull details of journey>. Hi to Mum, who insists on re-ironing my shirt." (hi to my Mum again. This'll be the first time she's read my diary, I trust. Hope it goes down well) "<insert name of cousin> is on crutches because he broke his leg recently (weddings are supposed to be memorable, aren't they?) "Hey it's <insert name of last surviving grandmother> smiling in a borrowed wheelchair." (she wouldn't make my brother's wedding three months later, and died within the year, sniff) "Groan, we're on video. Amazing how cameras and videos take over." (nobody arranges weddings any more, they stage them) "Out of church, cue photos, confetti and more photos. <insert name of brother> suddenly discovers there's no film in his camera - he's gutted." (maybe just as well, I was never convinced that cream suit suited me) "Oh great, it's prawns." (the wedding reception staple, followed inexorably by chicken) "Try to stay awake until the speeches, but <insert name of groom> does very well. Very." (a real rarity that, the wedding speech that's memorable for all the right reasons) "After the reception hang around waiting for the evening to start. Sit in the corner of the garden playing blow football with aphids." (please don't complain to the RSPCA, they'd have died anyway) "Oh god, it's a band not a disco. The ballroom clears." (when will people learn? It's not a proper wedding without Oops Upside Your Head) "Over comes <insert name of overly keen Auntie> and demands that me and <insert name of equally jaded female cousin> dance. With menaces." (so we did, sort of, very eventually, then went back and sat and watched from a safe distance for the rest of the evening) (family weddings, don't you just love them?)

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