Formula 1 cars came to the streets of London last night. At least I think they did. I was standing right next to where I think they were, but I didn't actually see any. I think there were eight of them, judging by the number of times I heard a noise like a herd of demon dentists armed with pneumatic drills passing by, but I saw nothing except a few clouds of burning rubber.<
Trouble was, lots of other people had come to see the Formula 1 cars too and they'd got to Waterloo Place before me. Trouble was, the pavements from here up to Regent Street are very narrow so there was very little room for half a million spectators to stand. Trouble was, I ended up way back on the seventh row of the pedestrian grid squashed into a tiny space about the same size as a Formula 1 cockpit. Trouble was, the event was supposed to start at 6 so everyone got there at 5:30 but the first car didn't set off round the course until 7. Trouble for the people on the other side of the road was, the organisers parked the street cleaning vehicles right beside them completely blocking their line of sight which nearly caused a mutiny. Trouble was, everyone around me seemed to be a six-foot-something petrolhead wielding a camcorder blocking off any last slivers of the remaining view. Trouble was, the event wasn't so much a race as a relay, with each car having to wait for the previous car to get back to the start before it could rev up and zoom off. Trouble was, Formula 1 cars go past very fast indeed so they're very hard to spot before they're gone. Trouble was, and this is the real killer, Formula 1 cars are only three feet high, so whichever jerk thought it would be a good idea to parade them through the streets of London in the hope that huge numbers of the public would be able to see them needs their head examining.
Variouspeople are now supporting the introduction of a London Grand Prix racing round the streets of the West End. These people are hideously misguided. The last thing London needs is three days of road traffic chaos so that almost no spectators can watch 20 overpaid motorists negotiating traffic islands and cycle lanes whilst trying very hard not to crash into a department store window, all for the benefit of multimillion pound sponsorship deals and a global television audience. Bunch of Prix, all of them.
Trouble was, lots of other people had come to see the Formula 1 cars too and they'd got to Waterloo Place before me. Trouble was, the pavements from here up to Regent Street are very narrow so there was very little room for half a million spectators to stand. Trouble was, I ended up way back on the seventh row of the pedestrian grid squashed into a tiny space about the same size as a Formula 1 cockpit. Trouble was, the event was supposed to start at 6 so everyone got there at 5:30 but the first car didn't set off round the course until 7. Trouble for the people on the other side of the road was, the organisers parked the street cleaning vehicles right beside them completely blocking their line of sight which nearly caused a mutiny. Trouble was, everyone around me seemed to be a six-foot-something petrolhead wielding a camcorder blocking off any last slivers of the remaining view. Trouble was, the event wasn't so much a race as a relay, with each car having to wait for the previous car to get back to the start before it could rev up and zoom off. Trouble was, Formula 1 cars go past very fast indeed so they're very hard to spot before they're gone. Trouble was, and this is the real killer, Formula 1 cars are only three feet high, so whichever jerk thought it would be a good idea to parade them through the streets of London in the hope that huge numbers of the public would be able to see them needs their head examining.
