Thursday, September 16, 2004
10 things to do in the countryside when you can no longer go fox hunting
• Write endless patronising letters of complaint to the Daily Telegraph.
• Go for a ride on a horse without feeling the need to be chasing something at the same time.
• Invent a new sport where fat men in red costumes run across fields and leap fences before being set upon and ripped to shreds by a pack of small yappy dogs.
• Campaign for something more useful, like an end to world hunger or the immediate introduction of rural broadband.
• Climb into a pram and throw your toys out of it.
• Organise a Barbour Jacket & Green Welly fashion show.
• Train your hounds to be friendly, to beg, to fetch and to roll over.
• Join the police where you'll be allowed to shoot, maim and kill things legally.
• Get elected to Parliament and argue to reverse the ban on fox hunting, if you really think so many of the British population support your hare-brained, bloodthirsty, barbaric so-called sport.
• Find some creative hobby that doesn't involve killing small animals, rather like 99% of the inhabitants of the countryside manage to do already.
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