Important new governmentlegislation concerning disability, accessibility and mobility comes into effect today. These new laws mean that everything everywhere now has to be accessible to absolutely everyone, or else. Woe betide any small business or public service that fails to meet the Government's exacting new standards. No matter that there is only one left-handed, colour-blind, Portuguese, wheelchair-bound, octogenarian lesbian in the UK - all transport networks, public signage, sporting arenas, retail outlets and kerbside access must now be adapted for her use. Britain's newsagents now live in fear that Professor Stephen Hawking will pop in one day for a packet of Rizla and get jammed between the crisps and the ice cream cabinet.
So I'm taking no chances. I don't want to be sued by a passing reader who claims that the text on this site is too small, too horizontal or even too black. I don't want to be held responsible for any alleged repetitive strain injury sustained whilst clicking through my archives. And I don't want to risk anything I post here accidentally influencing someone's voting intention in a marginal state during the forthcoming Presidential election, ultimately leading to the invasion of some Middle Eastern country and the slaughter of hundreds of thousands of innocent civilians. So I'm sorry but I have no option but to introduce compulsory registration for all diamond geezer readers.
Please tick each of the boxes below to signify your acceptance of the listed terms and conditions. Then press the big grey button at the bottom of the page to complete registration and to proceed to the main blog. By this action you are absolving me from any responsibity for your health and safety during all future visits to this website. Thank you for your compliance, and I hope that this insane over-protective nannying does not in any way impair your enjoyment of diamond geezer.
I hereby declare that I consent to all of the following terms and conditions: I know that grey isn't the best background colour to use on a webpage, but I'll put up with it. I can make the text larger (by squinting closer to the screen). I can make the text smaller (by standing on the other side of the room). I have a key skills ICT diploma in mouse control and weblink operation. I have no idea what a key skills diploma is, but I ticked the last box anyway. I promise not to pour boiling water into the back of my monitor while reading this webpage. I promise to sit carefully while reading this webpage so as not to develop back problems in later life. I promise not to sue for lost earnings should I ever click on a link that keeps me occupied for eight hours. I promise not to sue if I have a heart attack brought on by inactivity waiting for the page to load. I recognise that the opinions expressed on this website may sometimes disagree with my own. I concede that, where the opinions expressed on this website disagree with my own, I am possibly wrong. I promise to refrain from making rude comments unless they include at least some element of constructive criticism. I consent that any witty stories I place in the comments box may one day be published and passed off as the site owner's own. I recognise that some of the statements on this blog are not meant to be true because I understand the concept of 'irony'. No really, I do fully understand the concept of irony (special confirmation box for all my American readers). I consent to all of the above, plus any even more restrictive conditions that may be added in the future.
