Have you ever wanted to be a wine expert? Let me share a few vintage tips with you.
There are two different types of wine - red and not red.
There are two different types of wine bottle - those you can drip candlewax down to make a nice lamp and those you can't.
Wine is made from grapes. Red grapes make red wine, green grapes make green wine and fizzy grapes make champagne.
Rosé wine is made by mixing red and white wine together in equal measures.
Wines either come from France or they don't. The best French wines come from the former location.
Some wines are older than others. Very old wines are called vint-aged.
Some of the most highly regarded wines are Liebfraumilch, Blue Nun, Black Tower and anything from China.
Connoisseurs always patronise their local wine merchant.
The best wines are to be found exclusively in restaurants. These wines are not the same plonk you can buy in Tesco for a fiver but are in fact exclusive classics well worth every penny of £40.
White wine should always be chilled, but red wine should be removed from the fridge at least three hours before drinking.
Always allow your wine to breathe by pouring it into the glasses before your guests arrive.
Screwtop bottles are best because there is no risk of embarrassing yourself in front of an audience whilst attempting to use a corkscrew.
Small pieces of cork floating around in a bottle of wine increase the flavour.
When serving wine, only leave the price label on the bottle if the wine cost more than £5.99.
Always sniff your wine before you drink it. This is called aromatherapy.
Remember to describe the smell of a wine using at least three of the following adjectives:
When tasting wine always swill the liquid around in your mouth, gargle and spit - rather like you would with mouthwash.
The taste of a wine is called the 'palette'. This is the same palette that artists use only different.
Always compare the taste of a wine to something else which isn't wine, eg
Always drink your best bottle of wine first because by the time you get to the second you'll be too drunk to fully appreciate how good it is.