23:59 Last-minute new season Creme Egg. 00:00 Weigh-in: X stone 9 pounds (where X, for today's purposes, is irrelevant). Sigh, I have never weighed this much before. 00:02 Drink 1 pint of toxin-stripping water. 00:03 Weigh-in: X stone 10 pounds (a fat lot of good that water did me) 00:30 Embark on seven hour period of fasting (otherwise known as 'sleep') 06:25 Wake up. Realise I still have another two days off work. Go back to sleep for a bit. 07:45 Wake up. Go for a wee. 07:46 Weigh-in: X stone 7 pounds (hmm, that sleep worked) 08:05 Weigh-in: X stone 6 pounds (I appear to have lost another pound by not doing anything) 08:10 Breakfast = one cup of tea (no milk, no sugar). Vow to buy skimmed milk later. Dream of bacon. 08:45 Weigh-in: X stone 7 pounds (maybe that teabag was a bit much) 09:00 Visit bathroom for daily bowel-opening. 09:03 Weigh-in: X stone 5 pounds (I've lost five pounds in nine hours) 09:25 Run down to the paper shop. 09:32 Weigh-in: X stone 6 pounds (jogging is over-rated. Or maybe you're supposed to do it for more than a minute) 10:35 I have a nasty feeling that, after 10 years, I finally need to up the waist size on my trousers. Walk to Oxford Street to buy some new ones in the sales. 12:05 Reach Oxford Street after a strapping five mile walk through the East End and the City. Go shopping. 12:48 Stand in some changing rooms holding a pair of W waist trousers and a pair of W+2 waist trousers. Discover that the W+2 waist trousers fit better. Sigh deeply. 12:53 Buy two pairs of W+2 trousers for work. 13:35 Arrive home (I returned by train, sorry) 13:38 Weigh-in: X stone 5 pounds (looks like the only pounds I shed were on the trousers) 13:50 Lunch = one apple + a pint of water 14:37 Attempt 100 fitness-inducing press-ups. Fail to manage one (I have weak arms, honest) 14:57 Attempt 100 fitness-inducing sit-ups. Fail to manage one (not to any convincing degree anyway) 15:12 Go shopping for tonight's meal (that's another one mile walk) 15:58 Return with low fat mince, wholewheat pasta, apples, carrots, mushroom ravioli, a tin of baked beans, next week's Radio Times and a Creme Egg. 16:01 Weigh-in: X stone 5 pounds (my weight seems to have settled) 16:44 Go climb 10 flights of stairs 16:52 Weigh-in: X stone 5 pounds (I shan't bother to do that again) 17:26 Cut my toenails 17:33 Weigh-in: X stone 4 pounds (I can't believe this weight loss was cuticle related) 18:00 Go on a fact-finding mission to visit all the public gyms and health centres within one mile of my house... 18:01 ...except there aren't any, which is good because I wasn't intending to waste my life in one anyway. 18:49 Dinner = two carrots + a pint of water 19:08 Weigh-in: X stone 4 pounds (and a very empty stomach) 19:15 Settle down on the sofa to slob in front of the TV for the rest of the evening. 00:00 Final weigh-in: X stone 3 pounds (I double-checked - it's true) 00:01 Celebratory new season Creme Egg.
So, I appear to have lost six pounds (nearly 3kg) in one day. I must say I'm surprised - I never thought this detox would actually work. Having said that, the two most effective ways to lose weight appear to be a) sleeping and b) sitting on the toilet, and after my 24 hour fast I doubt the second option is going to work again tomorrow morning. However, you should expect me to publish a paperback version of my hugely successful dg Detox Diet next New Year. Anyone want to preorder?
X+10
