Thank you for your 23 different nominations in the category "something to watch". You were wonderfully creative in your interpretation, suggesting a wide variety of £40 items I might want to buy. Here's why I'm not buying 22 of them.
Problem 1: I've already got one (for example, DVD player)
It's not my DVD player, you understand, I'm just babysitting it for someone who's been off living in region 1 for the last two years. I probably wouldn't have bothered buying one otherwise because I only use the loaned player about once every two months. DVD-viant, me. (See also: bathroom scales, pair of binoculars)
Problem 2: I've already sort of got one (for example, Oggz)
Oggz are egg-shaped colour-changing lights, which means they're rather too similar to the Mathmos lightbricks I bought as the outcome of this project two years ago. And those lightbricks don't function properly any more because they now only glow for about five minutes before they need charging up again. So no Oggz. (See also: lava lamp thingy, wireless electronic weather station)
Problem 3: I'd neglect it (for example, goldfish)
Not intentionally, you understand. But I don't have a very good track record with goldfish. When we were very little my brother and I had two goldfish who we named Pip and Pop. They'd swim around their tank all day, occasionally gawping open-mouthed through the glass before going off on another circuit of nothingness. One day we found Pop bobbing at the top of the tank in a very dead sort of way so, after a quick prod to check for rigor mortis, we buried him/her at the bottom of the garden in a plastic bag. Pip followed soon after, and then every goldfish replacement seemed to live for less time than the last. So it's probably best if I don't risk owning another. (See also: kitten, Antarium, gaggle of geese, Sea Monkeys)
Problem 4: I don't have anyone to go with (for example, a night at the opera)
These events are all very well, but they're not quite the same when you can't turn to someone after (or during the performance) and discuss how good/bad/indifferent it all was. So no. (See also: London Duck Tour, 'Festen' at the Lyric)
Problem 5: I wouldn't watch it (for example, DVD box set of the West Wing)
If I'd wanted to watch an American drama about American politics then I'd have watched it when it was on television. I always thought that was the point of having a TV set. I don't see why I should fork out one-third of a licence fee so that I can devote an entire weekend to watching 22 consecutive rerun episodes. The real American election dragged on quite long enough thank you. (See also: Blake's 7 DVD set, complete set of "The Prisoner", goldfish videotape)
I'm also saying 'no' to...
• watching paint dry (it's a rented flat, so painting it isn't my responsibility)
• a SAD full spectrum lamp (winter darkness doesn't get me down)
• a piece of art (good idea, maybe, but not quite specific enough)
• sponsoring a third world child (very worthy, but I'm supposed to be spending the money on me)
So just one thing remains on your list of submissions - a clock. So that's what I'll be buying, thank you. I own far too many clocks already (there are 5 in this room, 4 in the bedroom, 2 in the bathroom and 1 in the kitchen), but maybe now is the time to replace the £2.99 Woolworths value clock above the bed with something a little classier. Time to go shopping.
Retail therapy (results 2)
