Thank you for your 15 different nominations in the category "something to play". You proposed a wide variety of amusing diversions to keep me entertained, each costed in the region of £40-ish. Here's why I'm not buying 14 of them.
Problem 1: I've already got one (for example, descant recorder)
I'm sure there's a conspiracy in our nation's primary schools to foist this particular junior wind instrument on all children between the ages of 8 and 11. Whole generations of children then grow up believing themselves to be musical, when in fact all they can do is puff discordantly down a hollow tube to the tune of Frere Jacques. I was actually quite good at recordering and could probably still sightread U2's latest single pretty successfully, except that I've not taken my old instrument out of its box in the spare room for a good blow in years. (See also: LCD Soundsystem album)
Problem 2: I'd neglect it (for example, kitten)
I had a kitten once. Or rather it was somebody else's kitten but I was expected to live with it and to attend to its regular demands. This furry scrap of a creature was of course completely lovable and endearing, but only to people who like cats. Which I don't. Our burgeoning tepid relationship wasn't helped when I wasted one entire Saturday hunting for the (charming and inquisitive) creature all over the local housing estate, only to discover her (eventually) grinning on the top shelf of the cupboard under the sink. So kittens aren't for me. But I do hope that this particular kitten cat is still happy and grinning, somewhere. (See also: hamster, guitar)
Problem 3: I have nobody to play with (for example, Destination London board game)
There's no fun in playing Monopoly alone, or in trying to beat yourself at Scrabble. Solo football and individual cricket never took off as national pastimes either. So alas, much though I enjoy a good board game, there's no point in buying one just so that I can look at the pieces and chuckle at the Chance cards. (See also: Trivial Pursuit, chess set, hopscotch)
I'm also saying 'no' to...
• anything I have to buy off eBay (not even retail therapy will get me interested in mail-order shopping)
• going to Blackpool to play Space Invaders (wrong time of year, and I suspect there are better diversions up there)
• iPod accessories (they're just not necessary are they, by definition)
So just one thing remains on your list of submissions - a Bedlam Cube. So that's what I'll be buying, thank you. Although I do appear to have undershot my £40 target yet again, and by some considerable distance. Now, how do I find one of these cubes without having to wait for my postman to scribble me a note telling me that it's too big to fit through my letterbox?
Retail therapy (results 3)
