diamond geezer

 Monday, March 28, 2005

Bank Holiday Monday checklist

Develop sudden and inexplicable urge to redecorate house
Drive to well known DIY superstore on outskirts of town
Spend fortune on paint, paintbrushes, mysterious tool for erecting shelves and some more paint just in case
Drive 100 yards to other end of car park to visit garden centre
Buy lots of ready-grown plants at extortionate prices
Stop off at furniture warehouse to be enticed by new sofa
Drive 20 miles to nearest IKEA, only discover that everyone else in your area has had the same idea
Walk through store at a snail's pace, picking up several must-have items along the way, then join endless queue at checkout
Attempt to park car in crowded loading area, then struggle to fit large flatpack box through door
Drive home cautiously, unable to see through rear window
Make a start on redecorating the living room by tearing down quarter of the old wallpaper and painting a narrow strip of magnolia
Drill gratuitous hole in wall where new shelving unit might be located
Realise that this is a very big job and wish you hadn't started it
Attempt to assemble IKEA flatpack furniture, but give up after an hour and a half of swearing
Look out into garden where nature has reawoken uncontrollably after her winter sleep
Divert attention to pulling up weeds, cutting back shrubs and oiling the lawnmower
Get barbecue out, despite it not quite being warm enough for one yet
Continue to fill binbags with leftover foliage while coals fail to catch light
Go back inside as darkness falls and fall asleep on sofa
Wake up on Tuesday morning ready to go back to real work
Wait until next bank holiday weekend and repeat

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