2005: Transport secretary Alistair Darling proposes the introduction of road pricing to replace road tax and petrol duty. He hopes to avoid LA-style gridlock. 2006: Civil servants set up a database ascribing a price per mile to every road in the country, ranging from 1p [Norfolk, country lane, 5am] to £5 [M25, 5pm, Fridays]. 2007: Trial project begins in quiet Norfolk country lane - declared huge success. 2008: Government awards £9 billion contract for the setting up and maintainence of the National Journey Database to an incompetent private company. 2009: Satellite tracking devices start to be installed in vehicles (now known as ID Cars). Cost of annual MOT increases by £93. 2010: Road pricing introduced, replacing road tax (but not petrol duty because that's a nice little earner). 2011: Rich people continue to drive anywhere they like as often as they like, whereas poor people have to take the bus (or stay at home if there isn't a bus). 2012: A round trip by road from London to Edinburgh now costs more than one year's road tax used to. 2013: Motorists start buying gas-guzzling 4x4s instead of green eco-friendly cars because they cost the same per mile so why not? 2014: Tourism collapses as people choose not to hop in the car for a nice day out any more. 2015: Riots when motorists on the M1 refuse to follow a 40-mile diversion to avoid roadworks. 2016: Police start using satellite tracking data to issue remote electronic speeding fines. 2017: Quiet country lanes in Norfolk now jammed by buses. 2018: Slots for journeys down the M25 now have to be booked a week in advance. 2019: LA-style gridlock happens anyway, but at least the government knows exactly where every car is. 2020: Conservatives swept back into power when working class voters are unable (or rather unwilling) to drive to their nearest polling station.
