Risk 1: Being in the office Hazard: Fatal paper cut; scalded by machine-vended hot chocolate; electrocuted by rogue photocopier; tie caught in paper shredder; crushed by toppling filing cabinet; inappropriate use of hole punch. Risk: Negligible [only about 200 people are killed each year in the UK in workplace accidents]
Risk 2: Sitting at my desk, refreshing aselectionofinternetwebpages in an attempt to discover the latest news on the failed London bombings Hazard: Repetitive strain injury; long term spinal damage from poor seating posture; eyestrain leading to premature sight failure Risk: Nil [obviously my employer's detailed health and safety policies protect me completely]
Risk 3a: Taking the lift to the ground floor Hazard: Plunging to my doom following a terrible accident involving a severed lift cable Risk: Fictional [these things tend to happen only in Hollywood movies] Risk 3b: Walking to the ground floor Hazard: Slipping accidentally on the top stair and breaking my neck in the ensuing fall Risk: Relatively tiny [there are only approximately 100 annual fatalities on non-domestic stairs]
Risk 4: Exiting the office and walking along the pavement outside Hazard: Tripped by passing wheelie suitcase; forced to inhale clouds of cancerous cigarette smoke wafting from office doorway; mugged by evil London street-vermin; hit on head by falling scaffolding; approached by charity representative with clipboard and forced smile; innocent victim of drive-by shooting; bitten by giant rat Risk: Particularly hazardous [as everyone outside London knows, the capital is much more dangerous than where they live]
Risk 5: Using a pedestrian crossing at a busy central London road junction Hazard: Swept along by crowd of passing French tourists; dragged beneath wheels of passing bendy bus; mowed down by procession of cyclists ignoring yet another red traffic light; suffering lung damage after inhaling ozone and exhaust fumes; crushed by white van accidentally mounting tiny traffic island; tempted to cross road during brief gap in traffic, only to be splattered by speeding motorcyclist Risk: Unexpectedly perilous [the pedestrian crossing outside Holborn tube station must be one of the most dangerous in the country]
Risk 6: Going home on the tube during a time of heightened national security Hazard: No, really, I'm not thinking about it (much) Risk: Still insignificant [compared to the daily horrors lurking on the pavements and streets outside]
