diamond geezer

 Thursday, September 22, 2005

ITV 22 Sept 1955

7.15pm Opening night - live on air from The Guildhall

7.30pm The Hallé Orchestra perform Cockaigne (In London Town) by Sir Edward Elgar

7.45pm Inaugural speeches

8.00pm A sparkling Variety Show from ABC's Television Theatre

[8.12pm Britain's first TV advert, for Gibbs SR toothpaste]

8.40pm Robert Morley introduces excerpts from The Importance of Being Earnest, (starring Dame Edith Evans and Sir John Gielgud), Baker's Dozen (starring Pamela Brown and Alec Guinness) and Private Lives (starring Kay Hammond and John Clements)

9.10pm Professional Boxing - Terrence Murphy v Lew Lazar for the Southern Area Middleweight Championship.

10.00pm News and Newsreel

10.15pm Gala Night at the Mayfair - Leslie Mitchell introduces some of the guests.

10.30pm Star Cabaret with Music by Billy Ternant and his Orchestra.

10.50pm Preview - a glimpse of some of the programmes to come on Independent Television during the coming months.

11.00pm Epilogue, National Anthem and close-down.

(relive opening night here)
ITV 22 Sept 2005

6:00am GMTV - litenews and lifestyle from the banal comfy sofa

9:25am Inbred council estate scum shout at one another

10:30am Daytime filler, including Fern & Philip, Loose Women and some cheap antiques trading

3:30pm CITV (because it's worth making programmes for children young consumers these days)

5:00pm Paul O'Grady meets Cilla Black, and the world shudders

6:00pm Local News, almost the only nod to ITV's regional past

6:30pm Evening News, because bad stuff happens

7:00pm Emmerdale - the lesbian vet is on trial again, and the sheep are worried

8:00pm The Bill - a live edition of the popular copsoapdrama

[8.12pm Britain's five millionth TV advert, for dental whitening surgery]

9:00pm 49 Up - a bit of sheer documentary class, just to prove ITV can still cut it

10:30pm News at Ten (thirty)

11:00pm Regional programme produced on a shoestring for an audience of twelve

11:35pm An American movie for you to fall asleep during

1:50am Cheap overnight fillers
ITV 22 Sept 2055

6:00am A celebration of 100 years of Independent Terrestrial Vision, presented by Sir Ant and Lord Dec

6:30am News for subscribers (but 30 minutes of pop-up adverts for the rest of you)

7:00am Who wants to be a EuroMillionnaire?

7:30am Coronation Street - Ken Barlow's twelfth stag night doesn't quite go according to plan

8:00am I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here, live from the fifth moon of Saturn (hosted by Brooklyn Beckham and She-droid XQ9)

[8.12pm Personal adverts delivered to your hovercouch by hologram]

9:00am 99 Up, in which Tony's great great grandchildren club together to buy him a surprise parachute jump and Lynn looks forward to early retirement

10:00am Ads at Ten

10:30am Heartbeat - Aidensfield Police tackle another quaint early 21st century shoot-to-kill drugs bust

11:00am You've Been Cloned

11:30am Wish You Were Here, featuring a cruise to Alpha Centauri and a scuba diving holiday in Birmingham-on-Sea

12 noon Programme loop repeats

6:00pm Programme loop repeats

12 midnight Programme loop repeats

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Life viewed from London E3

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