diamond geezer

 Thursday, November 24, 2005

24 hour drinking

18:00 Fancy a quick drink after work?
19:00 Mmm, this is all very civilised.
20:00 Can't beat a bit of responsible drinking, can you?
21:00 Oh go on then, I'll have another, if you insist.
22:00 My round, I think.
22:55 Just time for one more before closing time...
23:00 Hang on, there is no closing time any more. Let's binge!!!!

00:00 Another twenty quid's worth of drinks please, barman.
01:00 Arsenal v Liverpool live on Sky Sports.
02:00 Police outside the pub give up waiting for people to leave and go off to fight crime instead.
03:00 Kebab shops still empty.
04:00 A few lightweight punters give up and go home.
05:00 Local residents storm round to complain about loud drunken behaviour, but then stay for a pint themselves.
06:00 Pop out to the 24 hour supermarket to buy a bottle of whisky and some nibbles.
07:00 Happy Hour. Yard of ale, only £1.99.
08:00 Breakfast time Pub Quiz.
09:00 Hell, why go to work? Go on, stay for another one.
10:00 Pub runs out of crisps, peanuts and pork scratchings.
11:00 Your breath stinks and everybody in the pub is your friend.
12:00 Number of units consumed now exceeds recommended annual total.
13:00 Liquid lunch.
14:00 Now spending almost as long at the urinal as at the bar.
15:00 Slouch under the table for a beery afternoon nap.
16:00 Schoolchildren drop in for a pint of vodka after lessons, as the country's morals continue to crumble.
17:00 It's all become a bit of a blur, to be honest.
18:00 Hic.
19:00 Drunken revellers spill out onto the pavement for a quick brawl.
20:00 Violent crime at record levels.
21:00 Hospitals at bursting point with sudden cases of unexpected chronic liver damage.
22:00 The social infrastructure of the country collapses.
23:00 Hey, it looks dangerous out there - let's stay in the pub and go round again...

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