diamond geezer

 Monday, November 21, 2005

50 75 things to do when it's very cold: chill, knit a woolly scarf, enjoy the crisp winter sunshine, discover that your central heating broke down during the summer, shiver, say "ooh, isn't it cold" to everyone you meet, get sick of people saying "ooh, isn't it cold" every time they meet you, grit the roads, wrap up warm and go out for a bracing walk, hibernate, wear a multi-coloured knitted hat with earflaps and dangly tassels, drink soup, wonder why there are still so many leaves left on the trees, slip on a cardigan, slip on an icy patch, stoke a roaring log fire, dream of spring, throw a stone into an ice-covered puddle, write a blogpost including the phrase "so much for global warming", hang some nuts out for the birds, discover that your old winter coat doesn't fit any more, discover that your old winter coat isn't in fashion any more, go for a swim in the Serpentine, catch cold, scrape the car windscreen, dress up too warmly and sweat like a pig on the tube, fill the hot water bottle, realise that many countries survive far colder weather than this without grinding to a halt, make porridge, fly south for the winter, leave footprints in the frost, remind yourself how negative numbers work, dig some mittens out of the back of a drawer, shrivel, wait for the Thames to freeze over, check on an elderly neighbour, book a summer holiday somewhere warm, lose feeling in your toes, snuggle under the duvet, lag your pipes, go stargazing, get your sledge ready, give thanks you're not homeless, help the homeless, cuddle a radiator, realise that this is just an autumn cold snap and that it gets much colder later in the winter, go to the park and take pictures of the mist, discover you can't take pictures while wearing gloves, lose feeling in your nose, smile as your breath makes a smoke signal in the air, buy candles, see how many jumpers you can wear at once, flick through the Damart catalogue, cook an enormous stew, use that clingfilmish stuff to double glaze draughty windows, nab the fireside table in the pub, toast marshmallows, stick the winter duvet on the bed, clap your hands together in an attempt to warm them up, wear clothes in layers, marvel at the long silhouettes cast by the low winter sun, hit the snooze button one more time, drink a cup of steaming hot chocolate with cream on top, realise you've lost one of your gloves, pay double the normal price to get your car's anti-freeze topped up, put your wellies on and jump in frozen puddles, wish you'd bought some thermal socks, stop gardening, drink mulled wine, walk around the house wrapped in a duvet, book your summer holiday, discusss the merits of de-icer over a kettleful of boiling water, go to a (temporary) outdoor ice-rink, buy lip balm, run a big hot bath.

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