Important Memo from the Chief Blog Executive: Internet Downsize Redeployment Update
As you will no doubt be aware, the final report of the International Working Party on Blog Rationalisation has recently been published. The committee was established last year to explore viable methods of counteracting excessive bandwidth sprawl originated by unnecessary web journal diversification. In short, there are far too many blogs out there.
The report's conclusions are as follows: Every global event is documented and dissected at great length in several thousand blogs. Content duplication wastes valuable human resources. The internet contains approximately 26.6 million blogs, which is 26 million too many.
It is therefore with regret that we announce that your blog, diamondgeezer.blogspot.com, has been selected for immediate rationalisation. Please comply with the three key realignment objectives below. Together we can create a more efficient blogosphere.
Current location: London There are too many London-based weblogs. There are at least 2579 here, for example. And 392 here. And 231 here. The committee is aware that London is one of the largest and most vibrant urban areas on the planet, but there's really no need for quite so many of its residents to waste their time writing about it. You have therefore been allocated a new (currently under-represented) geographic focus. Please start writing about the quirks and foibles of this new location immediately. Redeployed location: Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, Canada
Current genre: mixed Whilst diversification is generally to be welcomed, our analysts have established that your website lacks focus. One day it's local history, the next it's music, the next it's something rather more idiosyncratic. Readers just never quite know what to expect when they arrive here, engendering unnecessary brand niche confusion. Your blog's core mission statement values are therefore demonstrably unidentifiable, and this position is clearly untenable. Please restrict all future posts to the three tag categories indicated below. Redeployed genre: Military, knitting, and kitten photos
Current post-rate: daily Long-term statistical research confirms that daily blogging is unnecessarily labour-intensive. You could be out having a life, contributing to your local economy, rather than staying in every evening and writing stuff. The carbon footprint of your readers' combined electricity consumption is also excessively wasteful. Were they to learn to log in less frequently, say a couple of times per month maximum, then global warming might be reversed. Please refrain from posting again until mid-February. Redeployed post-rate: intermittent
Remember, all restructuring is for the good of the community, not for the benefit of the individual. Only with your cooperation can current levels of web journal overstaffing be downsized. The blogosphere must be slimmed-down, and you are destined to be the only intermittent kitten blogger in the Canadian Prairies. Please comply with this directive immediately. Your new audience needs you.