Friday, February 17, 2006
I bet you've been as gripped as I have by the first week of the Winter Olympics.
Yes I thought so...
But imagine how much more exciting the Winter Olympics could have been if they'd been held here in the East End of London. We may not have any snow, or indeed any contours, but we do have a derelict dry-ski slope, and it would have been good practice for when the Summer games roll into my backyard in six years time.
Here's my Top 10 list of potential East London Winter Olympic sports:
1) Luge: Name of the Croatian who cleans your Canary Wharf office for peanuts after you've gone home
2) Curling: Four old dears getting their weekly blue rinse down at the local salon
3) Ice hockey: Form of vicious mugging carried out with curved wooden sticks
4) Men's Bob: What that dodgy dead geezer appears to be doing upside-down in the canal
5) Skeleton: What that dodgy dead geezer in the canal will be in a year's time
6) Biathlon: Fake cleaning product sold in Walthamstow Market
7) Speed skating: The council's run out of money to grit the roads again
8) Ice dancing: Saturday night primetime ITV show, live from the Lea Valley Ice Centre
9) Freestyle: The art of getting all your clothes for next-to-nothing from the charity shop
10) Downhill: Where Hackney's heading
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