It's early Saturday morning, and I've only been awake for an hour and a half, but during that time I have conspired to contribute to the destruction of our planet on several occasions. Which is abominable behaviour for a responsible citizen. So I'd like to apologise to all of you for the ecological havoc I have wreaked, and I hope that your great-grandchildren will forgive me.
Crime 1) I turned the light on in the bathroom I know, I should have aimed at the toilet bowl in the dark. There may not be any windows in my bathroom, nor indeed anywhere close, but I should have used what little daylight there was rather than burning the country's fossil fuels unnecessarily.
Crime 2) I flushed the toilet There are times when the toilet doesn't really need flushing, especially when you live alone and nobody else is going to lift the lid and go "eww". So last thing last night I was environmentally aware and didn't pull the little lever to empty the bowl, but this morning I thought I'd probably better. I should have held out longer.
Crime 3) I boiled the kettle to make a mug of tea My kettle wasn't full, but the water level was still about a centimetre above 'minimum' so there was still some boiling water remaining after I'd filled my mug. Which means I raised the temperature of several billion water molecules to boiling point for no good reason, bringing global energy extinction just that little bit closer.
Crime 4) I finished off a bottle of milk and threw it away I know, I should have washed the plastic container and sorted it ready for recycling. But that's not easy round here, because my local council has one of the worst records in the country for that sort of thing. They've not provided my block of flats with any separate recycling facilities, and what few community recycling bins exist within walking distance are usually full to overflowing anyway. So I never bother, sorry.
Crime 5) I didn't turn my laptop off overnight My laptop has been in energy-saving stand-by mode while I was asleep, but it's still been wasting valuable electricity nevertheless. And all just for the convenience of me being able to revive my operating screen to a functional state in 15 seconds flat rather than having to wait around for the full agonisingly slow reboot. I know, I'm lazy. But I still have to reconnect to the the internet every time my laptop wakes up, and that's annoying me enough at the moment.
Crime 6) I ran a bath Look, I don't have a shower in my bathroom, OK? So if I want to freshen up in the morning I have to pour several litres of heated water into my bathtub, splash about in them for a few minutes and then let them all out down the plughole. Given that southeast England is experiencing its worst drought in decades, this behaviour verges on the criminal. But, given how much commuting time I spend pressed head-to-armpit in packed tube carriages, I happen to think that personal hygiene and cleanliness is important.
Crime 7) I got out of bed If I'd slept in a bit longer, the environment would have been safe from my conscious destruction. If I'd stayed in bed, I wouldn't have needed to turn the heating on quite so early either. And now I own a laptop I could have written today's post from my bed, but I didn't think to. My apologies. But at least I'm not doing what several copulating couples are doing in bed this morning - creating an new human life, a child who'll grow up to waste even more of the planet's natural resources. Assuming there are any left to waste, that is.
