10 things it's good to come back home to • toilet bowls: Sorry to be blunt, but I really don't want to see where I've been after I've gone. Give me a plunge pool rather than a display shelf any day. • bodyclock time: It's not natural having daytime during the evening and the evening during the night. Or is it the other way round? No wonder my brain's confused. Surely I should be going to bed now, not getting up? • the English language: There are so many English English words that mean absolutely nothing in American English, especially when spoken in a London accent, and I kept using them in public all the time. Sorry, did I say 'ta', I meant 'thankyou'. Sorry, did I say 'packed', I meant 'full'. Sorry, did I say 'lager', I meant 'beer'. Sorry, did I say 'cheers', I meant 'hi there you're welcome have a nice day now'. • different-sized banknotes: I don't mind that all US banknotes are green, but I did have real trouble with them all being the same size. You can have ten anonymous American notes in your wallet and still not know whether you're rich or poor. • Celsius: Is sixty mild? Fahrenheit just doesn't come second nature to me, so it was very easy to misjudge what to wear. • low sun: SF's that bit nearer the equator than London so my pasty-Brit skin wasn't expecting the harsh rays of the noonday sun. Maybe that's why nobody else over there had sunburn, only me. Or perhaps I should just be thankful to have visited during a very rare fog-free week. • proper television: I never was a fan of Friends or Frasier, I'm not addicted to the West Wing and I don't think Jon Stewart is god's gift to humour. Just as well I was too busy in SF to have time to waste watching television, really. • bendy roads: Straight streets may be efficient and easy to navigate, especially at road junctions, but somehow it's reassuring to get back to characterful unplanned curves. • cost price: I'm used to tipping the waitress after a meal, but not that much. Good grief, it's extortionate. And precisely why should I give the barman an extra dollar bill merely for taking the lid off a bottle of beer, apart from the fact that his manager doesn't pay him enough? Who'd have thought that paying the correct money could be so incredibly offensive. • work: No, that's a lie, obviously. Do I really have to stick a shirt on and go back to the office this morning? Bugger.
10 things it's good to come back home to
10 things it's good to come back home to