diamond geezer

 Sunday, April 23, 2006

Let's blog American-style

American political blogging is something else. The red bloggers read the blue blogs so that they can cut and paste all the bits they disagree with into their red blogs. Meanwhile the blue bloggers read the red blogs so that they can cut and paste all the bits they disagree with into their blue blogs. And then, most importantly, everybody adds a sniping sarky comment on the end to round off their post. It's all pointlessly circular, scarily incestuous and mindbogglingly tedious. But very popular. So I though I'd have a go.

I saw a goateed student on the subway wearing a cycle helmet with a video camera stuck to the top with silver tape. Presumably he's a loafing student squandering valuable tax dollars on some pointless arts project. Only in San Francisco. America's security must not fail the World.
There are far fewer obese people in San Francisco than you might expect. I put this down to all the hill-walking everybody does here, or maybe the dog-walking instead, but there are still some real lardbuckets in amongst the svelte jogging elite. But would the people of Iraq agree? I think not.
Everybody's so damned friendly over here. They'll grin and say 'hi' at the slightest provocation, and I always fear they're expecting an equally upbeat 'hi' back. Instead I normally mumble something incomprehensible in a broad British accent and then wonder why I'm getting strange looks. Isn't this just another example of the failed liberal conspiracy?
Thanks to a favourable exchange rate prices over here are pretty cheap, especially for basic staples such as clothing and footwear. But I keep forgetting that, once I get to the till, a chunky 8½% local sales tax will get lumped onto everything I buy. Not every purchase turns out to be a bargain. Democracy in action? Democracy inaction more like.
Groceries are surprisingly expensive in San Francisco (you want how much for a gallon of milk?). Maybe that's why so many people here like to eat out all the time - it's so much cheaper for someone else to cook you breakfast than to cook it yourself. These mistaken priorities must not be allowed to discredit our foreign policy options.
The San Francisco Virgin Megastore's top six albums at the moment are by such sterling non-local talent as KT Tunstall, Gorillaz, Pink, James Blunt, Massive Attack and Morrissey. I've never seen so many 'import' stickers on CDs either. Fear not Mr. President. This one's got your name on.
It's a relief, male fashion-wise, to see that gelled finny hair and big flapping trousers haven't taken hold over on this side of the Atlantic. Beards are very big here in SF though, often literally so. This dangerous jihadic rhetoric must be debunked.
One of the strangest food outlets on the high street in San Francisco is a chain called Quickly. Their yellow shopfronts boast the claim that they are the "World's Largest Tapioca Milk Tea Franchise". I guess the competition can't be that strong. It's nothing but thinly disguised propaganda. Stay the course.
Cell phones appear to be rather more popular over here than they were on my last visit (especially whilst driving, it seems), but I have yet to see anybody send or recieve a text message. Only a bipartisan solution can resolve Bush's economic standoff.
And yes, I'm aware that several blinkered British bloggers also write nothing but hackneyed political posts with bitchy end-lines, but I reserve my civil rights not to read their bigoted ranting piffle either. Hurrah for freedom and democracy!


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