It's clear from your comments yesterday that the key to boosting England's annual quota of bank holidays is to introduce local or regional celebrations. Germany may only have nine national holidays, but live in the right state and you can get up to three more. Northern Ireland manages 25% more bank holidays than the rest of the UK by commemorating a local saint and a historic battle. Catholic regions of Austria take a 24 hour siesta more often than their Protestant counterparts. Every province in New Zealand takes an extra day off on its anniversary day. So what London needs is its own London-only public holidays. Days that we in the capital get off, and nobody else does. I've racked my brain and tried to come up with a few. Well, twelve actually. It's worth a try...
Al Fayed Monday (first Monday in January): A day off to allow you to queue 24 hours earlier for the Harrods Sale. Multi-faith Minority Sunday (third Sunday in February): A day of festivities in Trafalgar Square for all the non-Russian, non-Chinese, non-Irish, non-English, non Sikh, non-Hindu residents of the capital not yet catered for by the Mayor's token staged events. Vauxhall Virgin Bonfire (24th March): Age-old traditional gathering in Kennington Park during which ten innocent Lambeth damsels are burnt at the stake (subject to availability) Buggered Tubesday (Easter Tuesday): Quick, while everyone's on holiday, let's shut down the entire tube network to allow essential engineering work to take place. The Fertility Pole (1st May): The world's largest maypole is created by dangling coloured ribbons from the top of Nelson's Column. Prince Philip and Victoria Beckham take the lead by tying each other up in knots. St Ken's Day (17th June): Hordes of happy Londoners flood the streets to celebrate the birthday of their glorious Mayor. There'll be face-painting, newt racing and, in Fleet Street, the ancient sport of hurling vicious insults at the press. St Coe's Day (6th July): Merry Olympians gather at dawn on Stratford Marshes to compete in archaic contact sports such as concreting the river, demolishing the factories and evicting the locals. Seven/Seven (7th July): Probably best to have a day off work because nobody's going to want to travel on public transport today, just in case. Firepride Friday (first Friday in September): To commemorate the Great Fire of London in 1666, a grand parade to thank the capital's three remaining firefighters for all the sterling work they do despite recent funding cutbacks. Reclaim The Streets Tuesday (last Tuesday in September): The first day after the summer season when all children are safely back at school and almost all of the tourists have gone home. Quick, get out there and enjoy London while you have a chance. St Arbuck's Day (16th November): Free lattes for all, and a thrilling barista-juggling competition on the South Bank (n.b. this holiday is available to the highest bidder each year. Please apply to City Hall, Marketing Department) Blitz Day (29th December): A service of commemoration at St Paul's Cathedral for all those lost during the wartime bombing of London. A wax effigy of the Queen Mother (employing the latest electronic 'arm-waving' technology) will ride to the cathedral in the Gold State Coach.
