First of all let me congratulate everybody on another successful year here at Blogger Primary. We've all worked really hard together as a community, and I think we can be justly proud of everything we've achieved. Well done everybody. And now the last day of term has rolled round again. In a few short hours the summer holidays will begin (I'm sure I don't have to remind you not to go picnicking on railway tracks or throwing grannies into the canal or setting fire to your neighbour's cat with a magnifying glass). But there's still lots to be done here before we break up this afternoon.
First of all there's our Leavers' Assembly. This is where we say goodbye to the senior members of our community by pretending we've liked working with them over the years. Lots of Mummies and Daddies are coming in, and they'll be having a good blub at the thought of their offspring finally growing up. The recorder group will be playing Morning Has Broken, and they've been practising this all term so don't forget to clap afterwards. We'll also be awarding the Sports Day trophies. Special thanks to Ms Jenkinson for organising our very first non-competitive Sports Day, so there'll be egg-and-spoon certificates for absolutely everybody, even those of you who are too obese to run.
Then we're sending you back to your rooms for the rest of the morning. I hope you've all brought games with you, because it's the last day of term and we can't be arsed to teach you anything. Somebody's probably brought Twister - please collect a health and safety waiver form from the secretary before you start playing. Somebody's probably brought Mastermind - but nobody likes a geek so don't forget to hide all their pegs down the back of the radiator. And lots of you have probably brought something electronic that beeps - which is a shame because we'll end up confiscating it and you'll have to play Mastermind after all.
We hope you've bought a present for your teacher to show your appreciation for all the spelling tests they've given you over the year. This term we've introduced recycling bins in every classroom so that your gift baskets of soap, novelty ties and cuddly animals can be disposed of in safety before your teacher has to suffer the embarrassment of opening them in public. Please do not throw away anything chocolate-based. Your mother also probably forced you to waste valuable pocket money on a disturbingly cheesy "Thank you" card, but please chuck that in the bin too before we realise that, despite our best intentions, you still can't spell.
At the end of the afternoon we'll be giving you back all the project work you've done over the year so that it can clog up your bedroom over the summer and not our store cupboards. We'll also be giving you a very important newsletter which you must, repeat must, give to a parent or guardian as soon as you get home (even though we know you'll forget, or fold it into a paper aeroplane instead). And then at half past three you'll head off for a summer of over-eating, asbo-collecting and annoying the hell out of your parents, and we'll just sit here and play with all the games we confiscated earlier. Remind me again what game you brought in, will you...?