In the depths of winter people always look forward six months to the height of summer, but believe me, this sticky heatwave weather isn't all it's cut out to be. Maybe January is better than July after all...
• In January you don't need to take two showers or baths a day, maybe three.
• You don't get that unnerving feeling that there's sweat dribbling down your back and congealing inside various lower crevices.
• There are no annoying insects flying around outdoors and buzzing in your ear, or flying around indoors bashing in vain against the window every two minutes.
• You don't feel all hot and lethargic - instead you actually get things done.
• You never find yourself sweltering on the tube at the end of the day pressed up against somebody else's rancid undeodorised armpit.
• Chicken is a delightfully warming food, not something black and charred on a barbecue harbouring germs which'll give you food poisoning.
• There's no cricket in January, hurrah!
• All sorts of unpleasant tattoos are covered up beneath vests, long sleeves and thick winter coats.
• The Earth is closer to the Sun in January (and furthest away today - it's called aphelion and it happens at 11 o'clock tonight)
• There's far less lettuce in January, and more pies.
• There are no weddings to go to, or barbecues, or fetes, or picnics, or garden parties... so your weekends are your own.
• Bed is a warm place for snuggling and sleep, not a hot place for sweltering and insomnia.
• You can leave the garden alone and it looks after itself, rather than demanding regular watering, weekly lawnmowing and endless horticultural attention.
• There's never a hosepipe ban in January.
• You don't need to slap on suntan lotion and walk round all day with slimy skin smelling like you've been embalmed.
• You have the option of going to a sauna if you want to, not being forced into similar conditions every time you walk outdoors.
• The sun doesn't wake you up by poking through the curtains at some ungodly hour of the morning.
• You never get back to your car to find it smells like burnt leather inside and the steering wheel's too hot to hold.
• There are cooling breezes which help take the edge off the temperature (although admittedly they tend to be called 'gales').
A postcard from July
