There's one business-critical skill that no curriculum delivers, no syllabus embraces and no training course provides. And yet without this skill your likelihood of holding down a job for any considerable length of time is greatly decreased. I refer of course to the ability to write issue-sensitive non-inflammatory politically-correct email messages.
You know what you want to write. You want to write...
Crabface
Your latest decision is insane. You can't suddenly decide to throw a hissy fit and change the rules of this project halfway through! Are you a moron or something? Your cretinous plans will end up costing us a small fortune, and there's no bloody way we'll meet existing deadlines. Although it's just the kind of half-arsed incompetence I've come to expect from you, you miserable tosser.
Maverick
But you can't write that, even if it's true. You have to write something more calm, more measured, more rational. You can't afford to enrage the recipient, even if they are a miserable tosser. You have to express your complete dissatisfaction without ever causing offence. You have to be mindful of company policy, and corporate etiquette, and the fact that this email could eventually be forwarded to your boss resulting in your instant dismissal. You have to write with vigilance and forethought, selecting each word with care and constructing every phrase with caution. You have to write something like this...
Dear Stakeholder
I am writing with reference to your latest change control directive. I would like to draw to your immediate attention to the potential operational issues which will ensue should project parameters be refocussed within the timeframe specified. Implementation of contractual variance at this stage would be in direct contravention of previously agreed protocols. Your proposed restructuring of functional management will result in project deliverables failing to achieve target deadlines within existing cost profiles. Contingency planning of risk management strategies will be insufficient to prevent the immediate realignment of key quality milestones. Lessons learned from previous project cycles indicate that any deviation from existing procedures will precipitate business-critical operational meltdown. Please confirm how you would wish us to proceed. I look forward to working with you in the future.
Best regards Minion
In the past this sort of discussion would always have been held by telephone. Talking through an issue was much easier, and faster, and less likely to cause offence. But telephone calls don't leave a "paper trail", and paper trails are absolutely essential in today's risk-averse world, so email it is. At least with an email you can plan to express precisely what you need to say, with not a word out of place. But drafting, writing and honing those words to perfection takes ten times longer than any phone call. What a waste of valuable office hours the writing of officious email has become. We should all rise up and complain to our line managers about it. In writing, of course.
