2006 got off to a bad start when Auntie Joan was taken ill. If only she'd finished off the leftover turkey a bit earlier, she'd never have made that risotto and ended up in A&E over New Year. Baby Jayden's christening was lovely, despite his piercing screams of terror when the vicar dropped him in the font. We enjoyed the chance to meet the whole family, including the six new step-cousins and Uncle Ken's Thai bride. Pat and I had a lovely weekend in the Peaks in Kath and Brian's holiday cottage. Unfortunately I had terrible trouble with the central heating and ended up flooding the village street, so we had to leave early.
We spent Easter on the slopes of Zermatt. Unfortunately my skis spent Easter in the hold of a Jumbo at Larnaca, so I was on the schnapps rather more than the piste. Cassandra enjoyed being the bridesmaid at Carl and Alex's wedding, despite the hailstorm. She looked really lovely in her peach and lilac chiffon dress, at least until the photographer whisked her off for an extra session overnight. The garden took up a lot more of our time throughout the summer, especially the creation of our unique sloping croquet lawn. Sadly we had to take Biggles to the vet to be put down after he unwisely picked a fight with the Flymo.
We were forced to move house in September after the News of the World accidentally printed our address amongst a list of known sex offenders. Thankfully we managed to rescue most of our belongings from the bonfire, but the Axminster was ruined beyond repair. Auntie Joan surprised us all by giving birth to triplets at Bev and Jim's anniversary do. The ambulance people cleared the buffet to make space for her contractions, but several trays of vol-au-vents had to be thrown away afterwards.
It's been a really successful year for the kids. Kyle passed his Grade 7 flute with distinction and also broke the infant school sports day record for the shot put. Alicia is now fluent in Japanese, Latin and Serbo Croat, and we were all delighted when her bottletop collage was accepted by the Royal Academy. Meanwhile Pat and I have continued our weekend voluntary work at the Latvian orphanage, and our divorce papers are due to be served in the New Year.
Well, I must sign off now. Looking forward to hearing your news.