| 5 reasons why being single is good for your health | | 5 reasons why being coupled is good for your health |
| 1♥ It's impossible to book a table in a restaurant on Valentine's Day, not that anybody ever invites you out for a three course dinner in a restaurant anyway. | | 1♥ That charming Mediterranean restaurant in the high street can serve up a much healthier Valentine's Day meal than anything you could cook at home. |
| 2♥ Nobody ever (ever) buys you a box of chocolates. | | 2♥ It's much better to share a bottle of wine than attempt to drink it all yourself. |
| 3♥ Oysters, truffles and other aphrodisiacs are really bad for you. | | 3♥ Regular sex burns 5 calories a minute, and keeps you fit and agile too. |
| 4♥ You're willing to spend ages at the gym attempting to look fit enough to attract a partner. | | 4♥ You always try hard to keep yourself in good shape for your partner's sake. |
| 5♥ You can play football on a Sunday morning without your partner insisting you stay home and retile the kitchen instead. | | 5♥ You can stay in bed on a Sunday morning and still get plenty of exercise. |
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| 5 reasons why being single is bad for your health | | 5 reasons why being coupled is bad for your health |
| 1♥ It's never worth cooking for one, so you eat far too many ready meals and takeaways. | | 1♥ It's too much trouble to cook yourselves a decent meal every night so you eat out much too often. |
| 2♥ You spend too many nights indoors slouching on your sofa watching the telly with nothing to do but eat crisps. | | 2♥ You spend half of every Saturday morning sat in a coffee shop with your beloved sipping cappucinos and nibbling on a muffin. |
| 3♥ Not having a relationship risks sending you spiralling into gloomy pizza-eating depression. | | 3♥ The break-up of your relationship will one day send you spiralling into gloomy pizza-eating depression. |
| 4♥ Nobody cares what you look like, so why bother going to all the effort of keeping yourself fit? | | 4♥ You've already found your partner, so it doesn't matter if let your body go to seed a bit. |
| 5♥ If you ever suffer a heart attack, there's nobody around to notice and ring for an ambulance. | | 5♥ The stress of living with someone else greatly increases the risk that you'll suffer a heart attack. |
