diamond geezer

 Wednesday, February 14, 2007

The VD guide to a healthy heart

5 reasons why being single is good for your health  5 reasons why being coupled is good for your health
1 It's impossible to book a table in a restaurant on Valentine's Day, not that anybody ever invites you out for a three course dinner in a restaurant anyway.  1 That charming Mediterranean restaurant in the high street can serve up a much healthier Valentine's Day meal than anything you could cook at home.
2 Nobody ever (ever) buys you a box of chocolates.  2 It's much better to share a bottle of wine than attempt to drink it all yourself.
3 Oysters, truffles and other aphrodisiacs are really bad for you.  3 Regular sex burns 5 calories a minute, and keeps you fit and agile too.
4 You're willing to spend ages at the gym attempting to look fit enough to attract a partner.  4 You always try hard to keep yourself in good shape for your partner's sake.
5 You can play football on a Sunday morning without your partner insisting you stay home and retile the kitchen instead.  5 You can stay in bed on a Sunday morning and still get plenty of exercise.
5 reasons why being single is bad for your health  5 reasons why being coupled is bad for your health
1 It's never worth cooking for one, so you eat far too many ready meals and takeaways.  1 It's too much trouble to cook yourselves a decent meal every night so you eat out much too often.
2 You spend too many nights indoors slouching on your sofa watching the telly with nothing to do but eat crisps.  2 You spend half of every Saturday morning sat in a coffee shop with your beloved sipping cappucinos and nibbling on a muffin.
3 Not having a relationship risks sending you spiralling into gloomy pizza-eating depression.  3 The break-up of your relationship will one day send you spiralling into gloomy pizza-eating depression.
4 Nobody cares what you look like, so why bother going to all the effort of keeping yourself fit?  4 You've already found your partner, so it doesn't matter if let your body go to seed a bit.
5 If you ever suffer a heart attack, there's nobody around to notice and ring for an ambulance.  5 The stress of living with someone else greatly increases the risk that you'll suffer a heart attack.

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