diamond geezer

 Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Happy 300th birthday to the United Kingdom!

"That the Two Kingdoms of Scotland and England, shall upon the 1st May next ensuing the date hereof, and forever after, be United into One Kingdom by the Name of GREAT BRITAIN:
And that the Ensigns Armorial of the said United Kingdom be such as Her Majesty shall think fit, and used in all Flags, Banners, Standards and Ensigns both at Sea and Land.
And that the United Kingdom of Great Britain be Represented by one and the same Parliament, to be stiled the Parliament of Great Britain."
Act of Union, 1707

You don't need me to remind you that today is the 300th birthday of the United Kingdom, born out of the Union of England and Scotland on 1st May 1707. I mean, you can hardly move at the moment for celebratory events and national tercentenary commemorations, can you? This constitutional milestone is at the very top of the news agenda, and rightly so, with repercussions that echo down the centuries both north and south of the border. Just in case you're feeling overwhelmed, here's my list of the key anniversary events taking place over the next couple of weeks.

EVENTS IN ENGLAND McMayDay (1st May): England's morris dancers cavort across village greens nationwide wearing kilts and waving haggis on sticks. Local Elections (3rd May): England's voters go to the polls to decide such important issues as how often their bins should be emptied. Oil-spending Day (5th May): The grateful people of England go out and spend Scotland's North Sea windfall on themselves. Scotland in the Square (6th May): Ken Livingstone clears Trafalgar Square for yet another shameless ethnic celebration. Deep-fried Mars Bars will be served. Tartanmania (7th May): Englishmen take to the streets sporting a special new commemorative red and white tartan (which looks suspiciously like the Cross of St George). Coronation Day (9th May): Tony Blair abdicates, and donates England to a dour bluff Scotsman. The Birmingham Heather Festival (10th May): The nation's gypsy women converge on the Bullring to force cheap flowery sprigs onto unsuspecting shoppers.		EVENTS IN SCOTLAND Act of Union Day (1st May): Sssh, it's probably best not to mention the treacherous capitulation of our forefathers. Local Elections (3rd May): Scotland's voters go to the polls to decide such important issues as how quickly they can sever all links with England. CarbonFest (4th May): 24 hours for everyone in Scotland to use as much electricity as possible, safe in the knowledge that global warming will flood England first. Soccer Saturday (5th May): Video footage of England's exit from the last World Cup is shown on big screens in Glasgow city centre. Secret mutterings (seachd an Ceitean): Tha a' Ghàidhlig air te dhe na canain Ceilteach agus tha i air a bruidhinn ann an coimhearsnachdan ann an Iar Thuath na dùthcha. Coronation Day (9th May): Tony Blair abdicates, and hands control to the one Scotsman nobody in Scotland actually likes. Independence Day (11th May): Hadrian's Wall is rebuilt overnight, the A74(M) is blocked off, and two newly-reborn nations smile nervously.
EVENTS IN WALES Dragon Dance (1st-11th May): First Minister Rhodri Morgan jumps up and down and gets very cross because everyone's ignoring Wales again.

posted 03:00 :

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