diamond geezer

 Thursday, July 19, 2007

5 years ago I bought a mobile phone.
It had about 100 ringtones, all of which sounded like one-finger melodies performed by Kraftwerk on a Casio keyboard. One of the ringtones sounded like a 'real' phone. The others included such classics as "Happy Birthday" and "When the Saints Come Marching In". They were nothing special, but they were definitely tuneful. If I wanted a different ringtone I could write my own using "Compose" mode, for free. I even rustled up an "I should be so lucky" ringtone that I was damned proud of.

3 years ago I bought another mobile phone.
It had about 30 ringtones, most of which sounded like twiddly 1980s jazz funk as performed by a bloke with a curly perm on stage at Butlins. None of the ringtones sounded like a 'real' phone. Some of them included unfunny sound effects like babies crying or some deluded woman singing the phrase "ring ring ring". They were crass and embarrassing, and not especially tuneful. If I wanted a different ringtone I could download one from a website, for a fee. I kept the phone on silent as much as possible.

This week I bought another mobile phone.
It has 12 ringtones, most of which sound like tinny dance tracks recorded at 3am in a Mediterranean nightclub and played back through a pair of £1.99 headphones. One of the ringtones sounds like a 'real' phone (circa 1950s America). The others include the phone manufacturer's advertising jingle and some woeful slices of naff R&B trash. They might excite a twelve year old, but not for very long. If I want a different ringtone I can download anything from the Top 40 at the press of a button, for a fee. I'm sticking with the 1950s telephone "brrrring". Such is progress.


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