diamond geezer

 Saturday, September 22, 2007

I don't know why I'm bothering to write this. Nobody reads blogs on Saturdays. Nobody except you, obviously, dear reader. But then you don't have a life, obviously. If you had a life you'd be off doing something else, wouldn't you, and not wasting your weekend reading this.

Saturday's the one day of the week that most people are really busy, with stuff they actually want to do. They're not stuck at work bored out of their skulls, like on a weekday, desperately surfing the internet for something to read. They're not lounging around the house, like on a Sunday, catching up on online stuff because there's nothing else to do. No, today is the odd day out. There's no time for blogging, and no time for reading blogs, not on a Saturday.

If you had a life you'd still be in bed, asleep, recovering from the excesses of last night. Or you'd be up and getting dressed and heading out of the house, ready to fill your day with social and retail extravagance. It's Saturday and the shops are beckoning, so shouldn't you be off out spending your money and sipping cappucinos? Or climbing into the car to go and visit friends, maybe for a whole weekend away somewhere. Or going to watch a football match, or pumping iron down the gym, or taking a picnic to some stately home, or buying up all the tiles in B&Q and then stripping the bathroom for a weekend of grouting action. Do you not have a wedding to go to, you sad friendless individual? You shouldn't have the time to even sit down, let alone turn on your home computer and read this. Not on a Saturday. Loser.

Nobody blogs on a Saturday, either. Well, not many people anyway. Less than half of the blogs in my sidebar bothered to post anything last Saturday, they were all far too busy experiencing life instead. Blogs that churn out posts every other day of the week go silent on Saturdays because there are better things to be doing. And because nobody's reading. Visitor numbers to blogs tumble on Saturdays, as readers vote with their mouse and stay away. Blogs don't get anywhere near as many readers on a Saturday, and they don't get as many comments on a Saturday either. So there's really no point in blogging on a Saturday, no point at all. Because nobody's listening.

Apart from you, obviously. You're here, even if nobody else is. Thanks for bothering to find time in your busy Saturday schedule to come and see what I've written. Maybe you're only fitting in a quick five minutes online before you go out and do something interesting and offline for the day. Maybe you're stuck at work, or maybe the weather's really crap where you are, or maybe the boyfriend dumped you last night and all your plans for a carefully crafted sociable weekend just died. Whatever.

So maybe it is still worth blogging on a Saturday, but only for an exclusive audience of sad, friendless geeks with no life. Hello. And everyone else will be no doubt be back tomorrow evening, and they'll never realise what they missed.

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