Sorry, but your connection to this blog has been terminated.
Digital switchover begins in the UK today, and unfortunately your internet connection has been affected. If you're reading this message then it appears you've been attempting to access this blog via the Whitehaventransmitter. Well that's not possible any more, sorry. We switched it off at two o'clock this morning, just after the snooker on BBC2, and it's not coming back on again. So now you're going to have to make alternative arrangements. It's the future, you know. Get used to it.
Britain needs to clear more space on the electromagnetic spectrum, and that's best done by wiping away all the old signals. The UK can't afford to waste valuable online resources on outdated technology, not when we could be broadcasting glittering modern content across the airwaves instead. Imagine how much lovelier the internet could be with all that tedious text, waffle and gossip eradicated. And just think how much spare bandwidth that'll leave available for streaming video, hi-definition pornography and animated adverts. Britain has to switch off to turn on.
So, sorry, but if you ever want to want to read your favourite blogs again then you'll need to upgrade your online set-up. Terrestrial analogue connections aren't good enough any more, you're going to have to go digital. A single electronic box attached via cable or wireless should do it. Don't worry, it's quick and easy, and it's almost inexpensive.
There are several options to consider: 1) The Rupert Murdoch option: Connect digitally via Sky. It'll only cost you £360 a year, and for that you get Coca Cola Division One football and repeated episodes of Lost thrown in for free. 2) The Freeview option: Connect via a cheap electronic decoder using the BBC's open access platform. But be warned - royal documentary podcasts may not be edited in the correct order. 3) The Ostrich option: Connect via your old dial-up and watch all your screens go blank. If you're reading this, then that's almost certainly already happened.
And there are several important things to remember: • Remember that every computer in your home will need to be upgraded. Even the laptop in your daughter's bedroom and the old 20th century PC in the spare room. Oh yes, this is going to cost. Lots. • Remember that if you want to refresh one webpage while reading another you'll need to get a digital web recorder. More expense. • Remember that if you live in a block of flats and share an aerial and your landlord doesn't give a damn about digital switchover, then you're screwed. Sorry.
Digital switchover begins in the UK today, and unfortunately your internet connection has been affected. If you're reading this message then it appears you've been attempting to access this blog via the Whitehaven transmitter. Well that's not possible any more, sorry. We switched it off at two o'clock this morning, just after the snooker on BBC2, and it's not coming back on again. So now you're going to have to make alternative arrangements. It's the future, you know. Get used to it.
