1) Offset your broomstick flights: Leave that birch-broom in the cupboard! It's no longer socially acceptable to fly everywhere, especially for short-distance domestic flights where alternative public transport options are available. Remember that witches over the age of 60 travel free on buses, and that most carriers allow cats, owls and other familiars on board for no additional charge.
2) Use low-energy bulbs instead of candles: You might think that flickering wicks add the perfect eerie ambience to any Samhain seance, but they may instead be harming Mother Gaia's cloud-filled airblanket! Have you stopped to consider the damage that an entire pack of IKEA tealights can do to the atmosphere? Blow out that greedy carbon-guzzling flame and flick the switch on the wall instead.
3) Turn down your cauldron by 1ºC: Ask yourself, does your favourite metal pot need to be hubble-bubbling away at quite so high a temperature? Such tender delicacies as eye of newt and toe of frog taste just as good on a low heat, and you'll save money on burning woodpiles too!
4) Recycle your pumpkin innards: Once you've carved out your gap-toothed pumpkins, it would be ecologically irresponsible to throw away the inner flesh. Thankfully everyone in Britain adores the crisp fresh taste of pumpkin, so they'll thank you for converting your leftovers into a series of tasty orange-pulp dishes. Why stop at pumpkin pie? Party guests will lap up a banquet of pumpkin salsa, pumpkin hummus, pumpkin soda and chocolate-coated pumpkin seeds.
5) Use only locally-sourced apples for bobbing: It'd never do to stick your head face-down into a bucket of water for a French Golden Delicious or a South African Granny Smith. Instead you ought to bite your teeth into a knobbly Egremont Russet or Laxton's Epicure scrumped from the orchard just down the road. It may be theft, but it's better than buying some limp irradiated fruit that's been flown halfway round the world.
6) Send your child out trick-or-treating unaccompanied: Everyone says it's dangerous out there at Hallowe'en. Everyone says watch out for strangers with evil intent. Everyone says beware of murderers dressed up as little old ladies. Everyone says stay clear of back alleys and dimly-lit streets where knife-wielding maniacs might lurk. Everyone says double-check any sweets you're given in case someone's laced them with rat poison. But, quite frankly, the very best outcome for the environment this Hallowe'en is that your child ends up dead. That'd be 80 years of wasteful carbon footprint prevented in one simple stab wound. Go on, send 'em out by themselves, just this once. You know it make eco-sense.
7) Switch off your television, turn off your hi-fi and spend the evening sitting in the dark: Not only is it good for the planet, but it's also the best way not to be spotted by those bloody trick-or-treaters. Sssh, they might hear you!
7 simple steps to an eco-friendly Hallowe'en
